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all alone in this world

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Posted 7/16/2008 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
hey every1, im very new to this site, and im very shy about this stuff. i have been depressed for most of my life and for the past 4 years it has been getting worse. i live in a very small town in tennessee and there are no youth groups to attend so thats why i came here, u see im am mostly depressed because i have no friends, no one will hire me for a job, and no one cares about me. i live with my dad who has been in a wheelchair since i was a year old, and my mom who lives in colorado for most of my life has severe drinking problems and lately she was diagnosed sirocis of the liver and does not care to live much more, she was the only women im my life that said she loved me, sadly. for some of the things ive always longed for companionship and raising a family and giving them a life that wasnt as dark and gloom as mine was. but i feel like no one will ever love some1 as ugly as me unless i had money sad . on a differant subject i have had a identity crisis for most of my life and i dont know what i want todo with it, i always wanted to feel important and special to people but all they do is shun me and ignore me and make me look like im crazy. i am not much of a suicidal person, i use to be more of one when i was a teen, and i always thought that if it was gonna be this way till i was in my 30s then i couldnt go on anymore. i always wanted to leave this small dirty town and find somewhere i belong but i dont know where to go and i dont have the money and the way things are i wont have the money. u see i didnt always live in this town, i was born in california but we only lived there for 1 year and i was too young to remember that place. we have moved from one place to anougher for most of my life so i couldnt make any friends. i just had to accept the fact that losing a friend was apart of life. im not much of a therapist person and i dont like taking pills, thats because when i was a child i was diagnosed adhd and bi-polar and they gave me a very mean and rude therapist and loaded me up on 10 pills of ritalen per day. i just wanted to know of a place i can go to talk to people and find a relationship with some1 who knows what this feels like in real life.
Posted 7/16/2008 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Alone,

Welcome to healing well. You will have friends here. We are all friendly people. The members here are nonjudgemental and have good advice due to experience.

First of all, not all therapists are bad. You just got one who was. And a lot of us are on meds. So that isn't so bad either. I would be wrong if I didn't try to encourage you to go to your doctor and talk about getting more therapy and you might need medications. But that is totally up to you.

You sound like a very caring person and I am sure that you aren't ugly. You just see yourself as ugly. You have to realize that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Sometimes I can't stand the way I look, but my husband loves me just the way that I am and I am happy with that. Not that I don't care about the way that I look, I do, but I don't base my life and the type of person that I am on looks. And I dont feel that way about others. So I know that you just need some self esteem and that can be found with therapy.

Please feel free to chime in on any post. I am sure that you have also got advice for others because of all that you have been through. I am sorry about your mom and her condition. I am sorry that she has a drinking problem. I know that is hard to live with. And I know that you probably can't understand why she would chose alcohol. But it is a disease just like depression. She probably can't help herself out of it.

I hope that you feel better soon. I am here for a while if you need to talk.

Keep posting
Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/16/2008 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
yah i try and look in the mirror every day and say that im a handsome person and sometimes it works. but the problem now with theropy and meds is that i cant afford them = /. its like that time i went to a mental health place to get help and they couldnt help me unless i had money. and i tried getting on medcare or disability but they just keep rejecting me. i dont know what todo im in a tight spot.
Posted 7/16/2008 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Alone,  you say you have no money or job right now. I don't know how old you are but if you are unable to get a job you might qualify for medicaid.  It is different than medicare which is for people 65 and up.  Medicaid may be state funded but it may also be national with your state's regulations.  I would start with calling the social security office and find out how to apply for medicaid.  That might take care of the cost of therapy and medication.  Karen is right that you probably had a bad therapist and you shouldn't think they are all bad. I have seen one for many years and I have been helped tremendously.  I also tried many meds for depression before the right one worked for me.  So it may be a little trial and error at first.  No one here will judge you.  We are all in the same boat - lookiing for help and friends and believe me you will have friends here.  Do you have job skills?   Sometimes it takes a lot of looking for a job but you may find one easier than you think.  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  You have come to a very good place.

Posted 7/16/2008 8:48 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there Alone,

You will always be welcome here with open arms. You have found yourself a group of friends that is probably 1,000's... more than most people have! lol

I have heard some of our US Mods and Members talk about financial aid packages for health-care... are you able to get any of those? Also, can you get money from the state for caring for your parents? In the UK we call it "Carers Living Allowance / CLA"

Are there any groups of any kind where people of your age group meet? Pubs, Clubs, Hobby Groups etc... Sometimes we need to try something new in order to get into a group.

(((((HUGS)))))

Darren

Posted 7/16/2008 9:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Alone,

You are not. We feel this way even in a crowded room....It's very hard to pick ourselves up when we feel so down. By talking to others, which you are doing - you are heading in the right direction. Stay on this site as the people you talk with truly understand what you are going through.

It's by no way easy, but you are on the right track.

I wish you well, Stuart (author) Beyond my Control
Posted 7/16/2008 9:52 AM (GMT 0)
OH, You are not alone!
I'm like you but different.
I love you.
I love everyone here.
This place is our little piece of Heaven
and understanding.
I have ADD too ... and I'm A LOT older than you.
ADHD and ADD are very difficult to handle without
medication or therapy or training.
I lived with it until I was ... 50!
I took Adderal for a couple of years and
spent a long time on the ADD/HD boards
and came to understand it.
Anyway, I've drifted off the subject!
You're one cool person. Come on back.
We'll have cyber Pie. K?
Pamela Neckpain
Posted 7/16/2008 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
hmm well im feeling alot better today, as for the programs out here as far as i know we have medicaid, medcare, tenncare, SSI, SSI Disability, i could get on disability under my dads name. also i use to be on SSI but they discontinued me because my mom mostly spent my money on beer. as for groups i live in a very small town about 10k people live here and thats not enough for groups, the best we have is church but im not much of a church person. and for relationships i finally worked up the courage to apply for yahoo personals i hope that it works, and dont worry i didnt say anything bad about myself only good things.
Posted 7/16/2008 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for what your mother did, by drinking up all your money. Do you still live with her? It is time to start over again and apply for some assistance. I think that would be the best way to go. You can get insurance from them and that is what you need.

Keep trying,
hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/16/2008 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
While each of us comes here for different reasons, I can tell you in full confidence you are not alone. We are all here for each other. It is amazing how alone I can feel when surrounded by people. I didn't see where you were trying to get professional help to get you through the feelings you are having now. I know that it has helped me face life in a much more positive manner. Good luck and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
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