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Support team for my eating disorder!!

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Posted 8/14/2008 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone,
I posted this on the anxiety forum but I figure that if I want to get better I might as well get all the support I can. So here I go... I am asking you to join my support team. I am struggling with anorexia and I guess binge-eating disorder too. I have struggled with this for years now and I am ready to stop and kick it in the butt. I need some good advice and words of encouragement as I know that this is going to be a long and trecherous journey to recovery. I am not posting any weights on here since someone mentioned that it might be triggering. So anyone that has any advice or wants to share their story, it's all welcome here. I am seeing a counselor now and she has refered me to an eating disorder specialist. I haven't seen him yet and i'm very scared to go. SO thanks for helping me out. Any questions are welcome! Love to all!

Rachel
Posted 8/14/2008 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rachel, I struggled with eating disorders throughout my teens. tho, not for the last 3 years at least. mine wasn't really to do with perceiving myself in a certain way, i used to just stop eating when stressed, anxious etc... but I did get dangerously thin for a long time. I still sometimes have to really force myself to eat when I'm in a stressful situation, back when I was about 17 or 18 I used to eat something like just one meal a week, I just would not feel hungry at all. I think now I have just learned to have a greater value for myself. I was really ill back then, and the fact that I didn't care that I was ill is a testement to the lack of self value I had. Now I know that I deserve better and that I should look after my body as I only get 1 and it's a gift!
Posted 8/14/2008 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel

I too have struggled with Anorexia for many many years. I finally went to therapy and have learned that food is not my enemy it is something that I need to live.
I used to eat nothing by triscuits for a week at a time,then I would eat until I threw up...convinced that I was giving my body the nutrients it needed if it was only once a week and I ate so much.

I have learned to eat snacks throughout the day and to eat what I like. Now I look forward to making a nice dinner or going out to eat.

You can do this,you will feel so much healthier. I look back at my pictures and had no idea how bad I really looked. Now that I can finally gain weight I swear I look years younger and I feel so much better.
We will be here for you!
Posted 8/14/2008 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rachel,

I use to be really thin, then the doctor finally said "do yourself a favor and eat". For some reason that is all it took for me. I don't know if it was her tone, or if the message finally sunk in or what. I didn't percieve myself as heavy though, I knew I was too thin. It was stress related at the time.

So Know that we are here for you, I know how hard it is when you can't eat. I didn't even like the feeling of food in my mouth. So I will recommend maybe pudding or applesauce to start with. Something of a creamy substance.

Best wishes my dear,
Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/15/2008 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Confusedli,
Hey thanks for joining my support team. I need all of it I can get. I seem to have your opposite problem. I am always hungry. Wether I eat or not, I am starving!! I am not really even underweight though because I starve myself then binge eat. So I'm still in the okay zone. But thanks for sharing your story and supporting me!

Shy,
Thanks for sharing your story and being supportive of me. I dont know exactly that you can call what I do anorexia. It's more like Anorexia with binge eating disorder. Like I told Confusedli, I'm really not underweight but I know that since i have struggled with this for 8 years, I need help. SO thanks again Shy, it really means alot!

Karen,
Thanks for being here for me! I do love food! It's like a battle in my mind. To eat or not to eat? that is the question. I sometimes wish I didn't have an appetite, that would make it so much easier. But I know that if I'm going to get better I have to stop thinkin like that. It's so hard though. I'm working on it.

And now for the big news. My therapist told me yesterday that she thinks I should go to a four week treatment center in Arizona. I am terrified of this really. I dont want to leave my son and hubby for that long. I dont think I can leave my boy at all. I would miss so much in his life in four weeks. My husband was supportive when I told him about it. If our insurance covers it then he said to go if I need to. I was so suprised that he didn't nix it first thing. He usually doesn't think this problem is really a problem. But just my admitting that I have a problem is huge and he knows it. So he is on my team. Anyway, I thought I'd share that with yall. Dont really know what to do now...
Rachel
Posted 8/15/2008 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Sweetie,

I know that four weeks seems like a long time, but it is nothing compared to a whole lifetime. I think that it is wonderful that your husband is behind you in this, I would take advantage of this opertunity and go for it. You will be glad that you did. And think of how much nicer life will be when you get your eating disorder under control.

Stay healthy,
hugs, Karen
Posted 8/15/2008 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen,
By the way, I emailed you back. I dont know if you got it?? I definately am going to do this if we can afford it. I just still need much support. Thanks so much.
Rachel
Posted 8/15/2008 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rachel,

I didn't get an email. Try me again and I will try you. I read your last post on A/P and I am so proud of you for deciding to get help. This really is a wonderous moment. I am glad that you are going to get the help that you need with your eating disorder. You will be so glad that you did. And your family will too.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/15/2008 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
I just talked to my momma about the treatment center. Suprise suprise she wasn't going for it. She didn't think it was a good idea and she said I shouldn't leave my son for that long. Great, now my last hope is gone. It's fine any freakin way. I dont care. I'll just live with this for the rest of my life. It obviously wont kill me because I'm too weak to do anything good enough. Not even starve myself. I am so lost now. I think I'll just retire the idea of getting better. I'll just live with it. Too bad.
Posted 8/16/2008 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

I mentioned this in an email to you, but I want to mention this again. You are not doing this for your mother, you are doing it for you. So don't let her talk you out of it. You are stronger than that.

There will be others there going through the same thing as you. You will be among people who understand. So if you are going to let your mother change your mind. How are you going to get better? Maybe she is afraid of change, this will make you stronger and better.

Stay strong Rachel. You know that you can do this no matter what anybody says. You can do it.

Hugs, karen
Posted 8/16/2008 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
stopped taking paxil on tuesday, cant do anything about all tjis== will be here tommorow
Posted 8/16/2008 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

You are into the "stinkin thinkin" just like I was myself earlier today so please stop.

You need to be your own advocate to get better. Your do not need a team of many but of just one, yourself to win this battle.

You do need support people but in all honesty you have that with the wonderful members of the forums you belong to.
Posted 8/16/2008 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everone.
I really appriciate all the support and love here. I am just going to put this on the back burner. I dont think now is the right time to work on this. Too much other junk going on. So thanks again for all the support. Dont worry about me. I'll be fine. Thanks agian.
Rachel
Posted 8/18/2008 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Rachel

You are welcome, please keep us updated on what is going on.
Posted 8/18/2008 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
Well... it's been a long hard weekend. I couldn't log on here for two days and then I had to work today. I am not really okay but I'm still breathing. That says alot. I dont know what to do about this. I just feel like letting it do it's own thing and just go with it. But I know it's unhealthy. I dont know what to do to get my mind off of it. I have tried everything! And no matter what I'm doing or where I am, or who I'm with, it keeps coming into my mind. Any ideas on how to stop it? My husband thinks I can just not think about it and it will go away. That would be great, except that #1, I cant stop thinking about it, and #2 it's not going to go away on it's own. I feel so far from where I was. I was on top of the world not too long ago. Or at least I thought I was. Now I just feel like I'm barely scraping by. What to do, what to do???
Posted 8/18/2008 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Rachel

You have just started your treatment for depression and your eating disorder. It takes awhile to feel better,and for right now you just have to take it one day at a time.

If you do not feel that you therapy is helping,then it is probably time to step it up. Maybe instead of counseling once a week go twice a week.

Did the doctor put you on meds?
Posted 8/18/2008 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Morning Shy,
I was on Paxil but I quit taking it last Tuesday because I was tired of feeling so numb. I think when my anxiety went away it caused depression. ?? But I am going to see that eating disorder specialist and he can prescribe me something. I am just afraid of being on something that will make me gain weight. I feel like I've been on this journey forever. I have been in and out of counseling for 5 years now so it's not new to me. I will keep pressing foward no matter what. I'm not giving up just yet. I sure feel like it, but I wont. A mod from another forum gave me a good tip on the anxiety forum, about going to a eating disorder support site. I'm going to try that. But all of you here are my family, altough I know you cant diagnose or treat me, I still love being here. I cant really talk about things like I do to yall. So thaks Shy, and everyone else for making this a good place to come for some support and relief from the world. Love to you!
rachel
Posted 8/18/2008 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

I think that mod had a good idea. Go on a site about eating disorders. Too bad we don't have one. I sure hope that you feel better soon. You sound good today. I hope that it is a wonderful day for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 8/19/2008 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hey there everyone! I did check out that site but I couldn't get on it because I didn't have a yahoo email account. So anyway, I'm much more optimistic today but I haven't done very well on the eating front. Dont know what to do yet. I dont know if I can go to the treatment center if we dont have the money for it. I really need to make an appointment with that specialist tommorow. I will keep ya updated.
Posted 8/19/2008 7:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hey thirsty,
Sign up for a yahoo account and that way you can get on that site. It's definitely worth it, since the yahoo account is free!
Posted 8/19/2008 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
Rachel

You should not start and stop meds without your doctor's knowledge. They put you on the med as they think that is what will work for you. If you were not taking it for at least 4-6 weeks,then you did not give it enough time to work.

You really need to contact your doctor and either get back on the paxil,or tell him your worries and see if they can give you something else.

You need to stay consistent with the therapy that they are trying to give you in order to get better.
Posted 8/19/2008 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,

I thought before that you said that your insurance will pay for it. Check into that. There might be exceptions. You truly need some help with this. I hope that site helps you.

hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/19/2008 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Rachel,

It is very easy to set up an email account with Yahoo...........please try this and then you can access their support groups on EDs.

Remember we are not professonals and ED is not something we excel in here in the forum. We are here to support members in all the forums but when someone really needs additional help it is our desire to make sure they have help and support. We try to accomplish this by helping you in accessing a site that may help with what we perceive may be your most serious disorder.

You are not alone.

Kitt
Posted 8/19/2008 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
Rachel,
Wow you sound just like me. I get the same thoughts all the time, how I wish I could just suppress my appetite so I didn't have to eat. I had a problem with anorexia in high school and it was also coupled with a complete fear of eating because of my ulcerative colitis- it was so painful to have food in my system that I literally became afraid of it. Nowadays, I eat like I should but every time I step on a scale, even though I'm at the almost "ideal" weight for someone my height, I cringe and get this sinking feeling and wish I was just 5 or 10 pounds lighter. I think I might have actually developed hypoglycemia though because I used to be able to go forever without eating but now if I don't I get really weak, shakey and nauseous. Hmm.

Anyhow. I have been on Lexapro for a year now and it has helped me so much. I still get bad thoughts but I have control over them, and I just feel better about myself and more confident. I know I should have gone to counseling and probably still should but I'm just too afraid. I never even post here because I always worry I'm being whiney or something.. I can't tell you how many times I've written a whole post just to delete it.

One piece of advice... If you do seek eating disorder support on places like yahoo or anything like that, be very careful because there are a LOT of pro-ED sites out there, and it can be possibly triggering. Good luck!
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