New Member Introduction... Part 1

Hello Inno,

I am new here too ... I can claim to say I know how you might be feeling. For me it has been like I am trapped and wanna run out but my legs are too heavy to move. I joined here because I felt uneasy talking to my friends lately because they don't seem to understand that I cannot help it. I wish we could be of any support to you.

Take Care,

Doudi

Dear Karen,

Wish you all the luck with the effort you are doing to help us here. Please check my previous post and tell me am I doing the right thing or am I pushing him?

Hugs,
Doudi

Thanks for the welcome :)

bump for newbies,  Welcome and post if you are comfortable.

Kit

Welcome to the site Dysthmia and thanks for sharing your story!

Hey all it Roxy43 again. Wow I introduced myself and was going to go post my story and then something interrupted me and haven't been able to get back on. Finally I get my chance. Well Like I said before I have a pretty good life but just don't feel happy. i have had depression on and off for about 20 yrs. I have been on different meds. Zoloft, Prozac, Effexor, luvox, Wellbutrin ( which i felt like I was having a heart attack on) and I am now on Effexor XR 37.5mg.  I feel like they work for a few months and then stop working and I am so tired of trying different ones. I just have no energy, motivation to do anything. We are remodeling our house so I am trying to help with that. I just don't find joy in anything anymore. Whats worse is that my husband just lost his cousin to a very rare brain disease in short called CJD she was only 43 and that is my age. She was diagnosed in May and past away in july. That is so scary and you think I would be like wow I need to be so greatful for what i have but i just am not. I feel so selfish saying that. I have seen alot of different counselors but they don't seem to help. I have seen so many I councel myself lol Which i guess i am not doing a good job at. I just can't seem to find what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I think i am in a Mid life crisis. I have never thought about suicide but I picture me as being in a dark hole and feeling so alone and just not being able to climb out. I get really agitated with myself and say just get over it and stop being so melodramatic but I know that it isn't that easy.

Well sorry for this being so long. It is nice to be able to post with people who know what I am feeling and going thru b/c my husband doesn't understand even though he tries.

If you felt good on the effexor for a while, you may need a higher dose. I take 375 mg each day. That is the highest dose that is allowed.

I wish you the best with this. Hang in there, everything will be okay.

Will talk more later, keep posting, you have come to a good place.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Hi rzg,

Welcome to healing well, there hasn't been a lot of people on the forum because it was experiencing some difficulties. I couldn't get on for two days.

I am happy that you found us. There is a wonderful group of members here and I think that you will be glad that you came. Feel free to post at any time or even start your own thread. Tell us a little about yourself if you would like to.

Hugs, Karen

Hello ~ Chronic Depression has been a way of life for me for over 40 years. I've been on anti-depressants for over 30 years. My greatest fear is not being able to get my meds, which in fact is what lead to my only suicide-watch 72 hour hospitalization a few years ago when I lost COBRA. I am on social security disability for depression, diabetes and arthritis - was granted it on first application even! I am now in the medicare gap and am paying full price for my meds. 6 weeks ago after 15 years I switched from 375mg of Effexor and 150mg Wellbutrin daily to Pristiq and Wellbutrin because I could get free samples of Prestiq but none of Effexor. I really liked the Pristiq - I had some initiative, was addressing some emotional issues that I have pushed down most of my life, and felt progress for the first time in years. But after 3 weeks my body swelled alarmingly. My internist had me go back to Effexor. The swelling disappeared immediately. My meds dr then prescribed Cymbyalta. I've been on a low dosage for a week. It's very scary to switch meds, and with all these changes I am extremely irritable and can't cope with problems I can usually endure. This causes anxiety - no panic attacks yet - and uncertainty about how I'll be day to day. Any hints out there on how it might go?
Through these many years I have carefully observed myself and am constantly wondering if I did something or behaved a certain way because I'm depressed, or if it was a normal behavior. I have a wealth of experience with depression and a wide variety of different meds, and hope I can positively contribute replies to some of the posts I've seen here - upon reading them my reaction is often "been there/done that".
An error I made was hide the depression from my children, who are in their early 40's with families of their own. Now that I'm older the severe episodes are more frequent, last longer, and are harder to get through to the other side. My children do not understand at all. They think that my problem is that I take too many meds. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time in hiding the condition, but it wasn't. Find a way to educate your children when they're young.
Their viewpoint alarms me because the problem is genetic: depressed parents, schizo brother and sister, another brother that committed suicide at 11, another sister whose answer to the issue is to be a hermit and hide from society. One grand-daughter does have problems that her parents refuse to see no matter what I say. Their answer is "but that's just how she is!" rather than seek treatment so she gets herself out of it. My sisters' children all have problems to varying degrees. My brother's life has been so confusing I'm not sure how many children he has - but I have heard that one that he abandoned early (of several, from different mothers) was long-term hospitalized very psychotic at 18.
Another experience is that when you need to find a psychiatrist or therapist, get an appointment, and get to the appointment, you are unable to do so because of the depression. That is the nature of the situation. Be more forgiving to yourselves and just work on persevering. This forum looks like a great place to get the support you need to get through that. Be very frank about the issue here and ask for the support you need to get it done. It must be done. Accept that it will take longer than you think it should.
Something that always helped me was Volunteer Work. They're very grateful, no matter how little you can do. It helps self-esteem. You get out of the house and have to think about something else. I've found local hospitals always have volunteer positions that require very little thinking or concentration requirements. They sometimes have some sort of uniform so you can dress properly easily, which can lead you to practicing better self-care. You start thinking about other people and maybe their situation is worse than yours. If it is difficult to hang onto a job, volunteer work moves you in the right direction. It can even introduce you to employment possibilities. It changes your mind-set. Sorting donations in the back of thrift stores requires little thought and has no appearance requirements. Assign yourself the task to find something and make one phone call a day. That's all you have to do.
One of the current things I am trying to work through: My therapist asked if I could change my life and not have depression would I do that. To her alarm I said 'no'. I found the question frightening because so much of my self-image is the depression, and can not envision who/what/how I would be. Then, in all actuality, who am I? A person who is depressed, or A Depressed Person? And what have I done to myself with that conflicted and derogtory self-image that I want to perpetuate?
I've been very fortunate in having had a very successful professional career. I could always perform - it was like I was a different person at the office and at home. On the whole I'm proud of what I have accomplished in having owned my own company and in having very successful children who are good parents. It was hard to fight the depression through all life-experiences and in my maturity I feel for the most part I did it well.
Hope this is what you want in asking us to give background on ourselves. Hope I've also contributed something.
Vase_Lady

Hi VseLady and Anne,

Thank you both for posting a little about yourselves. I think that both of you will be wonderful for the forum. Also there are wonderful members here who are kind and caring. So if you have a problem or an issue, they will be more than happy to respond.

Best wishes for both of you to have a lovely day,

hugs, ...Karen

Hello  VseLady and Anne,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us.  I believe you will find the support and caring you are looking for here in the Depression forum.

VseLady, I hid my depression for years also so I understand what you are talking about. I can relate to that very well.

Anne,

I am so glad we have been able to meet your needs and know that we all care.

AGain a Warm Welcome to both of you.

Kitt

We do care Gennie,

So happy that you decided to join us.

Hugs, Karen

Hello,

I am a 42-year-old mother of three, married for 20 years and have been dealing with depression and anxiety off and on since I was 19.   I worked as a medical transcriptionist for 15 years, but stopped working over 3 years ago due to health issues.  Now I basically just do what has to be done around the house and try to get through another long day.  My depression got worse 5 years ago when in 2003 my best friend from childhood passed away suddenly, the following year my cousin with whom I was really close passed away unexpectedly and the following year her sister (my cousin) with whom I was also close to passed away.  Then to top it all off my mother and father sold their house and moved to another state because she said she could not stand seeing my life go down the drain due to my depression.  Well on the positive side, my husband is very supportive so I am very lucky to have him.  I just worry that he will give up on me like my parents did.  I don't know how much he can take.   I feel like I am trapped in this deep dark hole and just cannot climb out no matter how hard I try.  I am just existing, not living.