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I too am joining the frustrated with DH club!

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Posted 8/13/2008 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Just need to vent here.

Sunday.......perfect day DH woke up happy and fun to be around, went to his ball game, I attended we went to dinner laughed talked etc....very nice day.

Monday.......DH comes home with another headache, goes straight to the bedroom to lay down, I asked whats up and listen then I tell him he needs to get help that his headaches are likely caused by the depression etc......get yelled at that I am putting to much pressure on him and that I am always starting a fight.  How is being concerned and trying to help sarting a fight.  He said this needs to stop and I said yes this does.....it has got to stop and you need to get help.  I left him alone and didn't say another word all night to him....in fact stayed out of his way entirely.  I certainly do not want to start a fight.

Tuesday........DH comes home he had golfed after work so it was later in the evening......acting like everything is just fine....GAHHHHHH .......I don't want to say anything because again I do not want to start a fight.  I go about my business go to the kitchen and grab a glass of milk and sit down....he comes out and just sits and looks at me.  I ask him if there is a problem.....he just asks what I am doing out in the kitchen alone.  I pretty much said that I am trying to avoid starting a fight and everything I say these days is perceived as starting a fight.....he denies this....SIGH.  I then tell him that I have made an appointment with his PCP to talk to her about his condition for thursday and that I am going to see my therapist on thursday as well.  He asks why.....I told him because this has got to stop and his PCP needs to know how bad things really are and since he has not made one for both of us to go in I need to talk to her before I leave on vacation so that I know I have done everything I can to try and make this work and help him.  He says that he was waiting for me to make an appointment!!!  I told him that I have told him that I will not pressure him or make him do anything.......I can go whenever he makes an appointment for but that I will not make it and have that turn on me somewhere down the road , which it would.......not long before i would hear "you made me do it I didn't want to".

So tomorrow I see his PCP and my therapist and sunday I leave for the lake with my sons.....can't wait.  DH is suppsoed to come up on thursday of next week.....but that right now is iffy as far as I am concerned.  I am going to tell him not to call me from sunday until thursday morning as I need some time to myself to relax.

I am not going to make any decisions yet, not until after tomorrow and after I read the books I ordered, which hopefully will be here for me to take and read next week.

But let me tell you.....I am ready to tell him to leave....I can't take this up and down anymore......

I am just assuming tonight will be another down........and I will get blamed because I did not coddle him last night.  SIGH.

Thanks for listening.......Jenn

Posted 8/13/2008 1:36 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Jen,
You are going through a very hard time right now. Hopefully your vacation away from your husband will give you the space and breathing room you need. I hate to tell you that you need to stay with him or let him stay because I know how hard it is to deal with the ups and downs of a DH. My husband still denies that he is depressed sometimes. Has he seen a therapist yet? Got on any meds? I'm not up to date on your situation yet. I am here for you and I can relate to you too. Sometimes you dont know what you've got until it's gone. Maybe your vacation will help your husband realize what a good caring wife you are. Maybe you should offer him an ultimatum. If he doesn't try and get help he's gone. I'm no expert, just trying to help. So just know that I am here for you! :) Love to you!!
Rachel
Posted 8/13/2008 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Rachel!

He has been on meds for sometime but they are not working nor am I certian they worked great to begin with. He refuses to see a therapist so that is out.........He is nearing an ultimatum, that is for sure.......I can't live the rest of my life like this. If he doesn't get help I cannot remain in the marriage. I do think my vacation will help me......I need some calm in my life and what better way to get it than sitting by the lake all week:)

Thanks for your kind words and support........I hope tomorrows visit with his PCP and my therapist affers my some more options/insight as well.

-Jenn
Posted 8/13/2008 2:44 PM (GMT 0)

Jenn,

I understand the anxiety and frustration you are going through.  I also understand the sadness you are feeling at even having to think about leaving but in the end you must take care of you.  I hope your husband will see the light and seek help.

Do go to the lake and just let all thoughts go for awhile and enjoy not having to walk on pins and needles.  I think you are wise in asking him to give you some space and not call unless it is an emergency. 

Take care and know we are here to support you.

Kitt

Posted 8/14/2008 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
Hope the appointments went well. The lake will be such a great time for you and your kids. I try to schedule a business trip once a month and take one to my kids with me--just so we can get time to relax. My two are in their final years of high school. They have so much on their plate. Both totally realize what is going on with their father. When he was at his worst and he was in an outpatient program we had family counseling. My oldest goes to a therapist to help her cope with him. When we can get away and laugh and not have to worry about anything at home it is so great.
Lynne
Posted 8/14/2008 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lynne-

The appointment went well......his PCP is fairly certain he is bi-polar and is comfortable treating him for that...we talked of the need for him to treat this as an illness and when he feels "odd" he needs to come in and have his meds checked/adjusted.  She feels strongly that he is not on the right meds right now and needs to be on mood stabilizing drugs....I agree.  She was happy I came in and enlightened her as she was not aware of the actual symptoms.....only what he has told her.  She also feels there is a light at the end of the tunnel shoudl he wish to pursue it.......I feel tons better knowing that there is a "fix" out there and that if he chose to be pro-active he could maintian some sense of normallcy.  So it's in his hands......there is a "fix" in my mind now....her either gets help or gets out.  Either way....it will be good.......Hopefully it's the first and he finds life to be enjoyable with himself and me and the boys.

I also saw my therapist who pretty much said she doesn't think she can help me as she thinks I have this pretty much under control:)  But she would like to still be the ear I need.....Nice to hear that I may finally have a grasp on this demon.

With that said DH asked about my appointments when he got home....I told him everything the PCP said....he got on the phone and has an appointment next thursday morning.........SIGH.  I hope this is it.  Good sign he is going in and willing to totally change up his thinking I guess.  He will let me know on Thursday if he feels like joining us at the lake.....I made it clear that if he couldn't come and relax and enjoy the weekend he was not to come up and spoil the last part of our vacation........School starts in two weeks and my kids deserve some reprieve.

Anyway just a quick update....More to come I am sure......Love to all -Jenn

Posted 8/15/2008 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn,

I am so happy that hb is going to the doctor and getting a med change. It sounds like things are going to work out. I really have faith in this.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/15/2008 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen.....I hope you are right...........

Hugs.....Jenn
Posted 8/18/2008 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
That is good news. Make sure you read up on the drugs that are prescribed, just in case side effects become an issue. I hope you have a very relaxing vacation.
Lynne
Posted 8/18/2008 11:36 PM (GMT 0)
Lynne-

I will keep up to date on things that is for certain....so far vacation is so nice........I hate to say I like being without that demon right now.....but I do. The weather is great the atmosphere is relaxing. I am reading my books, they came ....thank god. They are very enlightening as well.

Thanks again for your kind words and support.......It will get better from here either way!!

-Jenn
Posted 9/16/2008 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
I read this with great interest, as I am also struggling with my husband.  I hope that yours is recovering, that the drugs are working, and that are returning to sanity as a result of his improvements.
Posted 9/16/2008 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks LoveSpouse! The drugs do seem to be working but I am leery of whether or not it is the drugs or just him trying to "fix" things......if the latter is true he can last only about another week. So that will be the tell all I guess. He in the past can only maintain the "fake fix" for about a month......and that is creeping up. I have asked him if he notices anything and he says he's not sure.......so again time will tell. The bad news is our insurance does not cover much of the drug his PCP put him on so I told him to call her ASAP so she can find one in the same class that is better covered. Again whether or not he does that I do not know...I hope he does, he is actually smiling again and goofing around with me.....and quite honestly making the future look brighter.

I hope this finds your life with some sanity as well....what a struggle this is and not many out there that understand.....I guess it's hard to understand unless you have been there, which I would wish on no one.

Thanks again !! Jenn
Posted 9/18/2008 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Jenn,
What great news!! Please let us know how it is going.
My DH is with our 17 year old daughter at the hospital--cheerleading injury. Injuries and sports go together nothing that we get alarmed about. I look at how far he has come in a year. Last year he was still so depressed he could not get out of bed. Now he is Daddy again saving his little girl from those nasty doctors! It is such a blessing.
Lynne
Posted 9/18/2008 2:25 AM (GMT 0)

Jenn,

This is truly good news and I am so happy your therapist is there just for you.  You may need to bend her ear from time to time.

Take care and stick with us.

Kitt

Posted 9/18/2008 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
turn  Thanks all.......I appreciate the support more than you know.  Lynne I hope your daughter is ok.....I am so glad to hear "dad" is there again......he may never realize how important that is to a daughter but she will, as will you.  Kitt I hope all is well with you....how is your hubby and sister?  Are you keeping your sanity?  I have been thinking of you both as you have been a source of strength as has Karen....thanks to you as well Karen!! 

Things are so smooth right now in my little world , however I need to remember that this can change in an instant confused ........I do know however that I have found a great group of "family" that I will remain in touch with for a very long time.  You guys all rock!!

So far so good with me.....DH made reservations in november for my 40th b-day to go to New Orleans!!  I am soooo excited.!!   I have never been and I want to be somewhere new and fun when I start the "rest of my life" (as I tell my boys, who keep insisting I have reached middle age....god love'em)  but hey they are teens......they know everything:)  More to come and I will keep my eye/ and input on this for quite some time as I now know the power of friends and knowledge.........

Love to all......Jenn

 

Posted 9/18/2008 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn,

It is so exciting to hear that things are going well for you. As you stated in your post that things can change in an instant. It only makes sense to brace and enjoy every moment that is going good.

I truly hope that everything continues to go smoothly for you. Best wishes.

Hugs, Karen
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