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Feeling so low and depressed again

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Posted 9/19/2008 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
Things had been going so well for me and I was really feeliing better and able to handle my depression but no sooner do I get better then it falls apart.  My sons Grandma is critically ill and I am very upset about it as we have always maintained a very close relatioship.  She has serious heart problems and an infection.  Don't know what will happen.  I have also had to make the terrible decision to have my dog put down.  It is heartbreaking as so many of you know.  I am having trouble justifiying doing this as I feel as though I am killing him.  He has no quality left to his life so I know it is time but I feel so guilty.  I know it is the humane thing to do and better to do it now than have some terrible incident that puts him in pain and I have to take him to the emergency vet which is so cold and sterile.  I need to do this during the day so my vet I know so well can do it.  Also, I am scheduled finally to have my surgery - Oct. 9. I know it won't be to bad and the recovery will not take too long but I still get apprehensive.  Still not able to breathe normally but the dr. says they can give me a treatment before so I am breathing clearly.  Was excluded again from a wedding - this time one of my closest friends.  I can't take it with her anymore and I am going to distance myself from her.  If she were in trouble or sad she would expect me to help her but I won't get a word of sympathy from her.  How can someone who you have been such close friends with for 20+ yrs be so cold and uncaring.  I know it is because she is very jealous of me.  I think I will probably not invite her to my son's wedding and see how she likes it.  Just rambling, I know but had to get my hurt feelings out.
Posted 9/19/2008 10:48 PM (GMT 0)

Aurora,

Hey there Sweetie, having your dog put to sleep is a hard decision as I did this in October.  I did not feel guilty as much as heartbroken. The dog was my best friend and helped me through so many battles with my depression that it was one of the hardest things to do but I did it for her.  She was in pain.

I am sorry about your son's G-ma.  That is hard and the best you can do is support your son and pray for his Grandmother.

As far as the so-called toxic friend..........she is not good for you and you would do well to kick her to the curb and just start to live life without her in it.  She is not a good friend and feeling bad about it won't change her.  Life without her will be less stressful.

Hugs to you dear lady and find the good stuff in your life today.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 9/20/2008 12:08 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks, Kitt for your reply.  I know how hard it must have been for you to have your sweet dog put down.  I too am heartbroken but I still do have feelings of guilt that I can't explain. This was the dog my Mom picked out when she came to live with us so it brings up sad memories.  I know my poor Rusty is suffering so I know I am doing the right thing.  It just hurts.  We are saying many, many prayers for Grandma - no word yet today so I think she is hanging on.  Even though she is 89 she is a strong woman so i'm hoping for the best.  As far as my friend is concerned I know I should kick her to the curb.  The worst thing that ever happened to her was her father died at age 95.  Otherwise she lives such a rosey life.  Or at least she pretends to.  I think she may cover up things as a way of coping with any thing wrong that happens.  And she has absolutely no empathy for anyone unless it is her own family.  It just hurts to know someone I have been such a good friend with all these years has turned on me and treats me so poorly.  Well, i've had it and she is slowly going to go out of my life.  She probably won't even notice.  I have to see my therapist soon and she knows about this problem and I think she can help me to see it more rationally and tell me how to handle her.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 9/20/2008 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
Struck a nerve with me and my dog Aurora. Had to put her down a little over a year ago at the tender age of 7. She had tumors for the last couple years and had them removed twice. We decided no more surgery and kept her until it was her time. Oh, my Lily....we loved her so. We now have Bogie who doesn't take Lily's place but has added to our family. He is a Springer spaniel and so full of life. It's Rusty's time. Cry your eyes out and do what you must for his sake. It'll be ok and he will be at peace. I know it hurts. God bless, Doug
Posted 9/20/2008 12:51 AM (GMT 0)

Thank you Doug for your kind reply.  I am sorry you had to go through such a hard time with your dog.  Pets are family members and that is why it is so difficult to part with them.  I know I am doing the right thing for Rusty but I will miss him terrribly.  Thank heavens I took lots of pictures of him.  I do have another poodle - Ramone who is 13.  I will have him for company.  I have had a lot of dogs in my life and after Ramone I don't plan to get another one.  I am close to retirement and don't know if I can have a dog at a retirement community but I think I have had enough heartbreak. It is so nice to know that you all are so supportive and caring.

Posted 9/20/2008 9:12 AM (GMT 0)
Heej Aurora,

I am sorry for the loss of your dog. But I am proud of you for making the right decision. Maybe you can think of that whenever you feel sad about your dog, just breath in calmly, and feel the peace inside of you that was created by making the right decision. And of course it is totally normal to feel bad when you lose such a great friend.

I am also very sorry to hear about your son's grandma and her situation. I have something the same happening right now, as my only left grandma (and the one I have and always had the closest relation with) is becoming increasingly ill. She was, and I believe still is such a wonderful and positive woman, and that is what keeping me on my feet. She, of all, wouldn't want me to feel bad because of what is happening to her. And I try to keep on the sunny side of life by always remembering this when I think of her.

I wish you all the best Aurora! And thanks for being here, and being such a great help for the rest of us (including me)!
Erik
Posted 9/21/2008 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
HI Aurora,

I am so sorry about your dog. I had to have one put down last summer and it never is easy. I have had a lot of dogs in my life and I miss all of them dearly. You will get through this, it just takes time.

I hope that you have a good day today. Keep in touch. Let us know how you are doing.

Best wishes for a wonderful day
hugs, Karen
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