Feeling Down

Hi All

I was diagnosed with depression last year though I'm not exactly depressed all the time compared to others. I was on medication but didn't find it much different, probably more in my head. I have completed my college course of 4 years and should have the world at my feet but nothings ever right, it wouldn't matter if I had all the money in the world or was a doctor in my chosen course, it's guaranteed I would still find a negative.

I have a few friends, not many though but I think that is my make-up, I'm outgoing to friends but introverted to others. It's strange as I look at people my own age and feel completely disconnected to them. Now I've partied hard during my time on this planet but it's not always the answer, after feeling more outgoing and enjoying life last year I went party mad, the usual stuff that doesn't need to be mentioned and I have no regrets. I go out with a different group of people and I immediately feel I've gone back a few years, the way they behave etc.
I always feel I've disappointed, trying hard to find a job at the moment, I also feel some of these people who have jobs and imo criticize me ( my view of course! ) are somewhat lower than me. Now I understand that comes across as ignorant etc and I accept that but I see what they get up to at the weekend and just feel that why should they have all the confidence etc when they have about as much class or respect as a san Quentin inmate... They ***** and talk about people and I find it repulsive yet they seem to have all the breaks.
I also find it hard to get a girlfriend, obviously from reading above it's not hard to see why ... but no one has at all interested me and it's getting pretty worrying at this stage. Girls either feel the need to show off with me or I'm not cocky enough for them or seen to be 'the man'... and as for what I've written above, well, what girl wants to deal with all that....

It's safe to say I don't know what I want.I always feel judged, I'm called gay every other week, or at least once a month and it seems to get along in this society, one has to sell themselves for the lowest price in a saturated market.

Hi Bobby,  I think Karen is right in what she has told you.  You have finished your studies and that is a big accomplishment so be proud of yourself.  It takes time to find the right job but one will come along. You need to be patient and keep your confidence up.  Maybe joining a sports team or some other activity will help you meet new people.  I think some of your friends are not being such good friends to you.  As far as girls go, there really are some nice ones out there.  Sometimes you just have to give someone a chance and get to know them better.  Often times relationships start out as friends.  And often you meet someone when you least expect it so don't try looking too hard.  Girls who show off are not worth the time.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.  Try to concentrate on the good things.  Would counseling help you?  You need to give yourself time to develop and that may come from having new interests or joining new groups.  Why not read some books on positive thinking and building self esteem.  I bet in a year's time things will be different for you and you may find yourself in a much better frame of mind.  Please keep posting - it really helps to get your feelings out.  I post a lot and have received a lot of help from others.  So please keep in touch and try to take good care of yourself.  You are worth it!

Aurora

Hello Bobby,

Now that you have finished school you have reached another milestone and change is always hard.  You have changed and along with that so have your prioities.

It does not matter what others think but what you think of yourself.  Don't indulge in "stinkin thinkin" instead make a list of all your accomplishments.

Be proud of who you are, hold your head up high and take it one step at a time. You will make it and keep talking to us.

Kitt

Bobby,

I too have wondered this in the past. Why do people become so mean and what really gets me is manipulative people.

When people intentionally hurt others it is mostly because they are miserable inside. They try to belittle others to make themselves feel better. I know that it is hard to understand because you are not that kind of person. It is hard for me too. Just know that they wouldn't be that way if they were happy with themselves.

I can't understand the manipulativeness. I have a hard enough time getting through one normal (if you can call my days normal) day without finding the energy to be manipulative. Where does all their energy come from? I have no idea. It makes me cringe to think of all the planning and scheming that they do. You know that they have to be completely miserable or selfish to plan on ways to hurt others. Life is hard enough, come on...

But sadly to say, there are people like that. And we have to learn not to let it bother us. That is the key to happiness. You have to ignore them. Or else you will be in tears all of the time. Think of how unhappy they must be. And get on and enjoy your life, for life is short. The older you get, the faster that it goes by and I am serious.

You sound like a wonderful person. So try not to let these people get to you. You can rise above this.

Hugs, Karen