i need help

Im so confused I dont know whats wrong with me I do silly things like take lots of tablets and do nasty tings to my partner like telling him to leave and telling him I hate him and every time we argue I finnish with him, my boyfriend doesnt trust me and I dont know why I try to tell him how much I love him but I dont think he believes me I would never cheat him i dont want anyone else, infact I know he has been with other people and this really hurts me I dont think he understands that.
Im not attention seeking but thats what it feels like and that makes me feel like a bad person.

To help you understand me better ill tell you a bit about how my lifes been

When I was 7 my parents split up my mum was an alcoholic whom I stayd with and my dad was so immature i never got told off when i was younger i got away with anything and sometimes i used to do things to get in trouble but i never would.

I started not going to school when I was 15 I moved in with my dad growing up my friends were older people and i never had a real boyfriend they just used me!

i am now 20 and 3 months ago I had a gorgeous baby boy whom I love very much to my boyfriend who I have been with for one year now, and I feel like everything that has happend in my past is haunting me I have nightmares about things I used to do when I was on drugs and I feel like I dont deserve a good life, this makes me not trust my boyfriend why would he want me being the kind of person I am, in the last three months i have tried to overdose and I have been cuttin myself and now I drink alot and when I do I got phyco, shouting at my boyfriend saying I dont trust him and he should just go be with a normal girl who he really wants I tell him I no he doesnt want me, alough I only say these things to him when im drunk I think them all the time and this gets me down I dont no how to be normal and stop feeling like this!

I wish I had someone with me 24/7 to tell me the right things to say and do as I feel like I know what is real or right anymore, I am paranoid, scared of everything I hardly sleep, dont eat much now and i just dont like myself the way I act or look or even dress please someone help me!

Reason for edit:

I have just taken a couple of sections out of your post as we cannot allow the discussion of illegal activities on the site. Darren

Post Edited By Moderator (djdaz_1985) : 10/6/2008 3:49:28 AM (GMT-6)

Hi thanks for the reply, Ive spoke to my doctor and he just gave me tablets but they dont seem to be helping, i dont think people understand how I feel because I cant put it into the rite words and I get emmbaresd

Hi there,

It sounds like you have been through a lot as a child and that is possibly why you are as you are now. Seeing a councillor/therapist to help you work though the problems would be a great way to move forward. The tablets the doctor gave you may not be suitable for you. Different meds have different effects on different people. It can be a case of trying all of them until you find one that works for you. Also bear in mind that AD's take 4-6 weeks to reach full effectivity and that doctors always start you on a very low dosage.

Talking is a good way to heal

Darren

It is not too late, you can always change. Please do not dwell on the past or worry about the future, the key is staying in the moment. As was said above, I think that you really need to start counseling and give your medications time to work. It doesn't happen over night, but soon you will start to see some changes. So please don't give up.

Remember that we are all here for you throughout this difficult time that you are experiencing. Just post and somebody will answer.

You have come to a good place where the members are all supportive of eachother. We always come together when needed. Tomorrow is Chat Tuesday. There will be a thread on that. Maybe you would do well with a little interaction with the group. I hope that you come.

Have a great day
HUgs, Karen