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Unwelcomed, Depressed, Scared & Alone

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Posted 11/1/2008 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone,

Firstly, I hope everyone here is doing okay, is finding peace & and has a good support system. I'm having a very hard time of things. I've been living w/ my mom & sdad since 2004. I lived alone for 24 years prior to having to move back to to their house. I was a nurse, had friends, was engaged, had my own home, privacy...and had a Life. That all came to an end when my health failed. I have multiple chronic pain conditions & easily received SSDI Disability.

I feel very unwelcomed living here, even though mom & sdad give me a very hard time when I talk of getting my own efficiency or room w/ a kitchenette (all that I could afford). I need to find a place that would allow small pets, as I have a 9 mo. old puppy.

Tonight my mom attacked me (verbally & emotionally) again. This time she was angry at me b/c I was tired today! Yes..."I was tired today", as I am alot. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Severe Sleep Apnea & Narcolepsy! I'm also on meds that can cause sleepiness, and anti-anxiety meds for panic disorder, Severe depression, OCD & PTSD, etc... My mom is angry w/ me on the days that I need/take my meds that are prescribed by my dr. I don't know what to do. Should I try going w/out my meds? To please my mom...??? The pain is so bad that I cry everyday, gasp for air and am totally alone. The only thing I can think of to do is to stay in my room as much as possibe & stay out of the way. I don't understand why she dislikes me so, but it's been this way since I can remember.

Any words of advice/encouragment, etc... would be greatly appreciated. Thx & God Bless;
Willow
Posted 11/1/2008 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Bailey, I just read everything you wrote and I'm sorry your mom and stepdad are treating you so lousy. It was that way with me in the past too, every since I can remember. My Mom quit talking to us kids years ago which is probably for the best.

Can you get some sort of assistance through a state agency in regards to a group home? I don't know where you'd live but I start looking up some local resources and write, call, whatever you have to do. It's not good for you to be in an environment that is unsupportive and tears you down. I'm sure there are places that would let you have a dog, but honestly, most place are more likely to allow cats then dogs, but one never knows.

These places won't be anything you'd probably find in a newspaper. They are most likely going to be advertised through word of mouth, a grocery store flyer, craigslist, etc. I'd starting also informing everyone you know that you are looking for a small affordable place that will let you have your dog. As long as you can prove to a potential landlord that you will pay your rent on time, keep your place clean, basically not cause them any grief, I'm sure they will be ok with the dog.

I hope you can find a more encouraging supportive environment. I think being around more supportive, positive people would just be fantastic for you all the way around.

I have hypothyroidism also and have battled with anxiety/depression in the past. I also know how the lonliness feels. It can just be so oppressive. I went from being so lonely to being the complete opposite and usually not having much time to myself. That's another story for another day. Still, I am thankful.

Hope I helped to life up your spirits at least a little bit.
Posted 11/1/2008 2:16 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Willow,  I think I have answered one of your other posts.  I hope I can help you or at least give you some suggestions.  You should never go without your meds just to please someone else.  And it doesn't seem like your Mom is trying any too hard to please you.  I hope you won't take offense at my asking this but are your parents wanting you to stay with them for financial reasons?  Is your income helping them ?  If so, I would get out of there so fast.  You deserve to have your own life and if you can find a place for yourself and puppy I would do it.  I wouldn't even tell them ahead of time.  When you are ready you should just go.  I realize this may not be at all possible but I feel you are not being treated very well and in fact it seems like your parents abuse you. Can you get any other finanacial assistance to be on your own?  I think your life might improve if you do not have to take the problems your parents give you.  And having to stay in your room to avoid them isn't a good solution. I'm afraid you feel trapped and that isn't good.  But if you look at this from the point of someone else reading your post it seems your parents aren't good for you right now and I am afraid it is making your health suffer.  My ideas probably sound awful to you but I truly believe you deserve to have a peaceful life.  Please don't take offense at anything I suggested.  I would like to know that you can have a better life. Please let me know how you are doing and try to take good care of yourself.

Gente hugs,

Aurora

Posted 11/1/2008 2:51 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you SO much for your reply. Just knowing someone cares & knows that I'm alive means the world. Things have never been great btw me & my sdad, and his daughter (my stepsister) is an added disaster to my mom and me. Any friends I did have, don't call anymore. They couldn't handle the "kidding" (as my sdad would call it) he confronted them with. Most every comment out of his mouth is sexual in nature and down right abusive! I've had to live with it my entire life...it's sick! Really sick! I've become careful not to expose anyone to his bad behaviour, thus I can't have anyone into this house, where I live. I've lost many relationships b/c of the dysfunction I live with. I have too much pain to get out to look for housing & have no friends to help. I'm on the list for low income housing, but that can take years to get a place.

Thx so much again for your response,
Willow
Posted 11/1/2008 3:12 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Willow,  I'm glad the responses have helped you.  I noticed that you like to read just as I do - read everything in sight, and I also love to needlepoint.  I can do my stitching for hours, just lose myself in it and that helps pass time.  If there is anything else I can do for you please let me know. If you want an email partner I will be glad to email you and we can talk more often. I'll leave that up to you.  Don't want to interfere.  It's nice to  know we have some things in common. Again, take good care and give that little puppy a big kiss from me.  Had to have my precious poodle put to sleep a few weeks ago so I know how much a pet is loved.  My dog was almost 17 and faded very fast.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 11/1/2008 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you SO much again Aurora for keeping in touch. It means more than words can say. I pray with everything I have that I could get a small place of my own. When I had my health, I lived far from here...I even moved out of the State (PA) 3 times, trying to find peace. Each time circumstances beyond my control brought me back. This living situation I'm in now is abusive. Unfortunately, no one will come into this house to even visit. There's no place to have privacy & my sdad always makes comments that are sexually abusive about other peoples bodies...I've made a committment to myself that I would no longer bring anyone here. No one needs or deserves to be put into situations like that. I've also stopped talking to people over the phone b/c of no privacy and also my sdad belches very loudly when I'd try to talk over phone, ehich is SO embarrassing! Others ask me if there's something wrong w/ him... It's awful... I've given up. My mom is acting sarcastic toward me for the past couple of days. I don't know what, if anything, I did wrong. She gets angry with me for being tired..she doesn't want me sleeping too much, yet no one really talks to me & sleeping is the only releif I can get from the pain. I don't know what to do... I do read alot. Today I'll spend most all time in my room. I thank God for my puppy & the computer. It's a HUGE help to connect w/ the outside world!
God Bless,
Willow
Posted 11/1/2008 4:28 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Willow,

I am so sorry your living conditions have become unbearable.

First of all, IMHO, you are being abused verbally by both your parents.  No one should be exposed to the kind of treatment you are enduring every day. So lets put our heads together and see if we can figure this out.

Tell me about your dog, what kind of a puppy is he? I love my dog.  She is a doberman, black and tan of course.

I am going to post a link here for you so you can read up on subsidized housing.

http://www.hud.gov/renting/

Just click on the link and you should be taken right to the site. There is a lot of info there.

You have already received some wonderful support from are members.  You never have to be alone when we are here.

Keep posting

Kitt

Posted 11/1/2008 4:56 PM (GMT 0)

Willow, do look at the website that Kitt has posted for you.  You may not be working with the right agency and there may be many other agencies that can help you since you are already on disability.  I have a son who has epilepsy and you woud be surprised at all the help that is available to him.  He works as a teacher aide but doesn't make enough to live on his own.  There are group homes ( very good and safe ones) that are available to him.  He is also entitled to grants from the state for living expenses since he makes under the amount of money that would disqualify him.  In other words he is entitled to grant money to help him meet his living expenses since he doesn't earn enough to be on his own.  You have a computer so sit down and look up all the possiblities from the website Kitt gave you.  You really  should be able to find something that will get you out on your own and into a safe place to live.  Whoever you contact, you should let them know you are being abused.  They may work faster to get you help.  You deserve a better life. And please don't give your parents a thought in this process.  They are treating you worse than an animal.  Please, please do look up the website.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Posted 11/3/2008 6:48 AM (GMT 0)
Bailey2008 Just want you to know that on healingwell thay also have a cronic pain site just click on to the forum quick jump to find it.Remember that unless your mom has cronic pain herself there is no way that she could even begin to understand what it is like to live with it everyday of your life.Don`t ever stop your med`s to make some one else happy.Remember that when you late the pain get to far it is so hard to get it back under control.Good luck with your housing search.
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