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New Members Introduction: Part 2

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Posted 10/28/2008 2:36 PM (GMT 0)

finick

Hello there.  I am glad you visited your physician.  Have you and your physician put together a plan for how to wean you of the medication?

Glad you slept well
Kitt

Posted 10/28/2008 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
If he gave you a months worth of the prescription, what makes you think he wont give you any more? Has he said something about stopping them? I hope that you can get them for as long as you need.

Best wishes,
hugs, Karen
Posted 10/29/2008 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
no there is no plan to come off them yet, no he did not say he would stop them, but i think im addicted to them, and my thinking is i wont ever sleep without them again and it makes me feel very down, im pretty much living this month like my last, wasting my money on ******s and drugs or beer cuz i dont know what to do
Posted 10/29/2008 5:15 AM (GMT 0)
the only time i dont feel down is when i take my tabz at night and go and lay down, then it starts all over again the next day

Posted 10/29/2008 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
Drinking actually messes up your sleep, though it doesn't seem like it would. But you don't get the proper sleep that you need.

I wouldn't get too concerned about needing the sleeping pills to get rest. Have you ever tried meditation to get to sleep. That is what I do and it helps me. And I get a restful sleep.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/29/2008 11:56 PM (GMT 0)

Please be careful mixing drugs with alcohol........a dangerous combination.

If you still feel so awful, you may want to see your physician sooner.

Take care
Kitt

Posted 11/1/2008 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hey,

Yeppers, it is true mwds are affected or don't work wben you drink. Give it 3 weeks, no boozee, see how it

goes. Email me anytime. is hard! you very brace.

Meg

Posted 11/2/2008 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everybody,

I was diagnosed with MDD recently and to be honest I believe I have had depression for over 20 years. These last three years have been the toughest. I thought I had it beat when I was running 5 miles a day and felt and looked great inside and out, but then I broke my toe and could not run anymore, gained all my weight back and went into "the black hole" again. It seems to get me everytime I "think" I have this thing beat. The reason I came on this sight is because I have lost everyone I love and nobody seems to understand. My marriage is not a marriage and my kids are suffering because of bad choices made by their parents. So here I am, to get some support desperately needed and I'm not ashamed to admit anymore that I cannot beat depression on my own.

Thanks,

D
Posted 11/2/2008 5:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Onelove,

I think that we all experience these bumps in the road from time to time. And I think eventually all of us will experience this. There is no way around it. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. Never give up. And remember that we are here for you.

I am sure that you will get back to running again. Maybe start out with walking a little everyday until you get back to where you were when you were running before.

You can do this, I know that you can.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/3/2008 12:11 AM (GMT 0)

Onelove

Welcome to  HealingWell and the Depression Forum. I am so proud of you for taking that step forward and admitting you need help. Congratulations and you have come to a great place to find people that know what your going through.

When you fight and resist the way your life is, you create a state of fear and upset that destroys your effectiveness and almost always makes your situation worse.

You close down inside. You lose your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision, and you interact in a way that destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.

When you get upset, you think that the upset is caused by what happened, but this is never the case. Upsets are not caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened.

The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you become creative and able to discover solutions you could never have seen before.

Therapy is always good to consider and coming here and letting us help you through the tough times is very wise.  We are here for you so know you are not alone.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 11/7/2008 6:16 PM (GMT 0)

Hello New Members and returning Members...............

Please do tell us a bit about you.  This is not mandatory but it is our own version of People Magazine.  smhair

We are excited to have newbies on board.........Welcome.

Posted 11/21/2008 9:03 PM (GMT 0)

Hey,

I just now saw this thread so thought I'd write a little something. I'm 27yrs old and have suffered from depression on and off all my life. The last 3yrs I have been really struggling with it and a year ago I finally went and got help and to make a long story short it didn't get me anywhere. I'm currently waiting to be approved for insurance so I can go and get the help I really need. Because I can't live with this any longer. I'm a SAHM mom to my 2yr old son, I'm isolated a lot, I don't have any friends, I don't have any family close, I've hardly had breaks from my son and my fiance works a lot so he's hardly ever home and sometimes I resent him for that. I also have problems with my mind running all the time and I tend to stress myself out, it's almost like my mind consumes me. If there is any negativity in my life it really erks me and is etched in my mind, I have a hard time getting over things. I feel like a total loser most of the time because I feel like I don't have a life. I love my son more then anything but becoming a mom has been a real struggle for me. I feel lost as a person, I don't have motivation to get out when I know that I need to. Sometimes I feel like my life could be so much worse but here I am struggling with this monster depression everyday. I plan on going in to counseling because I feel like I need to try and "deal" with where all of this is coming from and I want to heal. I also plan on getting on meds. I just really want to be the person I CAN be and live my life the way I need to live it. So I have plans for the road ahead of me.

I came here because it's nice to be with people that understand, that can offer support and to be in a world that's familiar with no judgment. Sometimes you can't always talk to the people around you and this is a place where people have open hearts and listening ears. I can say that it makes me sad that there are so many people out there that struggle with this but I'm glad that there is a place we can be for some peace in our lives!

:-)  Wishdreamhope

I wanted to add something I wrote a while back, I think it kinda sums me up.

Who am I?  

Where is my fire? Who is this person that self loaths, is negative, has a bad attitude, has no motivation, no self love and is her own worst enemy? I want to break out of this shell and be that beautiful butterfly. Who I am to make myself miserable, who am I to self distruct? Where is the person that I know I can be? Why does it seem so hard?  

I want to be happy, productive, social, enriched and at peace but who am I? A person of misery drowning everyday. A person who can't see the good in life or in herself because she's blinded by her own mind. Sometimes she feels that there is a monster in her head reaping all of her negativities. A monster that she lives with everyday telling her she's nothing, she's a nobody and that she will never be happy. Who am I to do this to myself? Why does she think that she deserves to rake herself over the coals almost every passing day?

 She knows that she is beyond this, she knows that there is more, she knows that this monster should be beneath her. But who am I to feel stuck in this whelm of sadness? Stranded in the depths of her own torturess mind, she wants to get to a place where this will never exist. But who am I to re-live that I am a failure in all aspects of my life?

 God, will I ever live by your will? Will I ever see what you so very much want me to see? Will I ever breath my fire within? Will I ever so much be able to touch the seeds of happiness? Because without this, Who am I?


Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 11/21/2008 2:48:11 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/21/2008 10:54 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Hope,

Thank you so much for sharing with all. I am glad you have been talking to us as you know you are part of the Peace Family. This is a wonderful forum for encouraging reflection, insight, ideas and support!!

I have been following your posts.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 11/21/2008 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
since I'm a returning memeber I decided to write something about myself. I'm an online games addict, this caused me to loose my taste for life and caused me to stay away from the things I love in life and basically avoid work for a long time, I'm clean for 7 months now but I still feel connected to my past, trying to convince myself to goto work every is hard, waking up from bed is extremly hard, I stay in bed until 7 PM or more.. I have weak will power to do anything..
Posted 12/3/2008 8:18 AM (GMT 0)

Hi! My name is Kindra. I'm from Kansas. I'm a single mother of 2 boys, ages 5 and 3. They are my heart and soul. I work nights at a hotel, some days as a substitute teacher, and go to college online-- I have about 80 hours. I'm kinda nervous cause I'm not sure how this thing works so here goes.

My history:

I've come from a really bad upbringing. I'm the oldest of 5 children. My parents split when I was 5, so technically I only have 1 biological sister, Tonni. My dad was abusive to me growing up. It wasn't that it happened often, it was just really, really bad when it happened. I was placed in foster care when I was 17 because my dad had beat me up with some kind of hose that goes to a car-- I think it was a heater or air conditioner hose. i remember him kicking me in the ribs when I was on the ground. Growing up with him was very hard. He wasn't there often. I was forced to raise my sister when I was 8, she was 3, because he didn't have anyone to watch us. I had to cook and clean. He left us alone from 6am till midnight or later. He did that for about a year until he met my stepmom. My dad always said he was gonna make me perfect if it killed him, when really he was killing me inside. I've come to notice that growing up education was what I clung to because I was good at it, naturally. My biological mother lived about 400 miles from me. My dad did do his best to allow us to see her. He couldn't understand why we wanted to. She was emotionally abusive as well. One time, when I was 9, she kicked me out of her house because of something I said. The town she lived in was about 30 times the size of the town I lived in. She lived in a high crime area. I was scared to death because I didn't know what to do.

These are just some instances of my abuse growing up. Despite all of it, I cannot figure out why I still have so much love for them. I do stay away from my biological mother, not because of what she did to me, but because she starved her brain through drugs and alcohol and has a mind of a child now. It's hard to be around her. To me, it feels like she is already gone. It's hard to be around my dad because he is so proudful and everything he says is "right." He is a 45 year old drug addictied alcoholic who just barely got his GED at 40 because the state made him when I was put into foster care. I always second guess the advice he gives me because thats not where I want to be when I'm 45. Yet, he is the only man that can bring me to tears by just saying "I love you." I hate the control he has over me. I've been trying to fight it for years. I feel like I'm getting there. I don't want really to have anything to do with my dad. He has hurt me so much; I don't want my children to know what he is capable of. He has already done things to my children that had they not been so young, they would have noticed. For example, 3 years ago, my father kicked my 2 children and I out of his house because I stood up for my children. He kept calling them *** children because thier father is black and I am white. I understand my dad is predjudiced, but I will stick up for my kids in front of anyone, even my father. My boys were 2 and a half and just born at that time. I had to bundle them up at 3am and drive back home 2 hours away.

At the same time, it's not like it was always bad growing up. It's just the bad is easier to remember than the good because there was more of it it seems to me.

Gosh, there is so much more. I'm tired of typing! lol. As far as my life, I have taken every wrong thing that has been done to me and tried to turn it to positive to learn from. As afore mentioned, my children are my life. I cannot imagine doing the things to them that my father did to me. However, I have such good qualities instilled in me and I don't know how to instill them in my children. I am very responsible and determined in life to be a better person in all aspects of my life.

Anyway, I think I'm done for now. Thank you.

Posted 12/3/2008 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kindra,

And welcome to HealingWell.

You are a strong lady. You have been through a lot in your life and still prevailed. You have learned through your experiences of your mom and dad and still survived. I imagine that you are a fabulous mom.

We tend to still show respect for those who wronged us because that is all we knew. We had to keep the peace in the family and we seem to still stay close to those who hurt us. This is only natural. That is why you haven't broken ties with the ones who hurt you. Don't fault yourself for that. But try to keep a distance from your dad so he doesn't harm your children. You are their protecter and you are doing a good job.

Keep loving your children, you have come a long way. Try to put the past in the past and take life one day at a time.

I am very proud of you for what you have done. I am sorry for all the grief that your parents have caused you. You didn't deserve that, please know that.

Keep posting, for we are here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 12/4/2008 12:37 AM (GMT 0)

Hello Kindra,

Welcome to HelingWell. Please do start a thread of your own in the forum so everyone can read your story and I am sure you will get lots of support and helpful ideas.

You can just copy and paste your story into a New topic. If you have a problem doing this I will do it for you.

You could consider reading Breaking the Cycle of Abuse, by Beverly Engel. Knowing people who've been abused, I can understand your fear but the one thing that jumped out at me was your Father has already kicked your children.  I know how much you want and need love and approval but get mad first and take steps to stay away from your Father.  IMHO I would have called the police and started a file re your children.

Remember abusers usually escalate. I feel He is poison in your life and please seek counseling to learn how to let go of the feelings you have.  You were a child, you did no wrong...........no one should ever be abused for any reason.

Look to your church if you are affiliate with one. Just promise to get help.  You will heal and you must be strong and take the right steps.  We are here for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 12/4/2008 7:06 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

Thank you so much for your advice. I will read that book. I am constantly searching to make my life better and to become a better person.

I did notice that you had said something about my dad kicking my children. I meant that he kicked us out of the house that Christmas night. I'm sorry if I had mis-phrased it. I was really emotional when I typed the post. Sorry!

Thank you for the advice and encouragement!

Kindra

Posted 12/4/2008 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi
I am a 50 year old male, who has been dealing with depression (untreated) most of my life. I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital in August. IIt seems that breakdown has changed my life, as now the depression is much worse and uncontrollable. I have been taking 1 med then 2 different now 3 different meds and seeing a therapist weekly. Thought maybe this was a good place to look for some help from people who are there or have been
Posted 12/4/2008 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
HI Thomas,

Yes, you have come to the right place for compassion and understanding.

I am also 50 and have been on many different meds during the last twenty years. I finally found what worked for me about ten years ago and have been on that ever since. They also added abilify to my medications and it has helped me a lot.

I hope that you stay with us. We are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/4/2008 5:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen
I sure hope to, I think I am making progress but it's so slow. one step forward and 2 steps back, or at least that is what it feels like sometimes.
Posted 12/4/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
And sometimes that is what it is, but as long as we continue to take that forward step, we really still are getting somewhere. You are doing all the right things, counseling and medication. Stay with us and we will try to help you in the other parts. I think that you will enjoy the forum. We have a weekly chat day. That is Tuesday. We try to post positive threads to get people's minds off of the depression. Right now is a really hard time of the year for everybody. So we all try to reinforce eachother to feel better.

Thanks for posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/5/2008 3:00 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome Thomas,

I am so sorry you are in a dark hole right now.  Are you in therapy?  Do you have a family to help support you through this tough time?

We are here for you so look up and see the light.  That is us holding a candle to light your way.

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt

Posted 12/11/2008 5:13 AM (GMT 0)

Welcome to new members I have seen on the boards.  Do share a bit about yourselves so we all get a chance to know you.

Thanks

Kitt

Posted 12/24/2008 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone

My name is Lily and I am 20 years old and halfway through my 3rd year in college. I'm not sure if I'm "clinically" depressed but I do get sad and apathetic about life and awful lot. I feel like I've lost all my motivation especially in school.

I'm in the business school and right now things are not good for the economy so that has just made me even less motivated to do well in school. I thought maybe I was homesick but the minute I got home for the holidays I thought "this isn't right i need to go back" and got really sad to the point of tears.

I don't have a bad life and I feel guilty for feeling sad and apathetic when I have so many opportunities being thrown at me. I feel guilty for not trying harder in my schooling and career pursuits. I feel guilty for not pursuing intimate relationships with people when I know they would love and support me and help me grow to be a better person. That guilt also leads to a lot of stress which in turn I believe makes me sad and depressed.

I don't know whats wrong with me and i will probably seek out professional help soon but for now I feel that this message board will be a great area to vent and be supported.
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