Unsupportive husband

When my husband goes to work, he's gone for anywhere from a few days to a month at a time. The problem is, when he leaves, I usually fall apart. Most of the time it's when he's gone longer, which has been a lot lately. I just get overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed out, mostly because it's hard when he's not around to help. So when we talk on the phone and I tell him how I'm feeling, he's never supportive about it in any way. He does, however, tell me that I'm crazy and psychotic. He tells me that I just can't handle life and need to be put on medication. He has a friend he works with, who is also gone from his family all the time, and my husband will tell me that I need to be more like his friend's wife, because she can handle it. When we get into a fight about it on the phone, he will hang up and not answer my phone calls. I have to sit around and wait until he's ready to talk again, which just makes the matter worse.

All I want is for him to be supportive. He never tries nice words to make me feel better about being overwhelmed. He goes straight for telling me I'm crazy. I know that if he'd just be genuinely concerned about what's wrong with me, I would feel so much better, but it's as if it's too much for him to do. I tell him what I need, then the next time I get frustrated, it's the same thing. There have been two times where I have been at the end of my rope and actually talked to him about getting separated or divorced. Then, and only then, will he ever put any effort in. But then it quickly goes back to the same old thing. I do not want to have to mention divorce just for my husband to wake up, and I shouldn't have to. I feel like giving up anymore. I feel there are no other options when he just won't listen to me. I don't want to end the marriage, but he gives me no choice when he doesn't even care about my feelings.

He does everything in his power to make me feel ashamed for even having feelings. And it sucks, because if I knew that he was feeling bad in any way, I would do everything I possibly could to make him feel better, but it's as if it'll be a cold day in hell before he ever cares.

I'm up against a wall and just don't know what to do. All I do is cry anymore and don't know how to think straight. I'm beginning to wonder if I really am just crazy and if I'm asking too much of him. Any friends and family that I have are way too busy for any of my problems, so I have no one to vent to. I'm holding it all in and I'm afraid of the outcome.

Thanks for your reply Corrie_1. I see what you're saying about miscommunication, but I feel like I have said all that I can say to him without repeating myself over and over. I just feel so alone at times because I feel like he's the one person in this world that I should be able to count on and I feel like he's just let me down over and over.

I completely support him and what he does for us, but our family life revolves around him and what he does and usually I'm fine with that, but when it's to the point where it can't revolve around me and my needs just once, when I feel like I need it the most, it's sad.

I'm sorry to hear that you're sick and best of luck to you. And I think your roommates should be ashamed of themselves for making you do all the cleaning. But again, thanks for the advice.

Hi Luvleigh ,I know it must be so hard for your hubby to be away for such lengths of time it would sure drive me nuts ( more than i usually am ) .I find it very hard trying to communicate with my depression and other problems i have an am at the point now i just do not even bother.
I use to look after little children in my home until a few months ago but it`s all too much for me as being in pain all the time is just so draining in itself.I gave it up but instead of doing nothing i have been doing some gardening when i feel i can and it has helped .i will do some things inside then work on the garden for a while just to get out .it has helped a bit .
My suggestion firstly would be see your dr and have a check up tell him how you are feeling and tell him how you feel when you are on your own especially the problems in coping.
Make up a list of things that need to be done and choose the time of the day you want to do that chore.do not place too many in each day break them down into smaller jobs in that way you can get through a job in no time at all .i know for me completing a task and looking back on it does make me feel a lot better about myself.In my home i do most of the cleaning as everyone else is just too lazy to even care , some days i can do them and others like the past four i just can`t .do not stress that you have not completed your task of today as there is always tomorrow .
As for the communicating with your hubby try and write a note to him explain how you feel and that you need him to help out atleast until you can cope with it on your own again.Some men just do not understand the pressures placed on us women especially if you have children at home ,sure some can cope no worries and i use to be one of them but not anymore .For the past couple of weeks i have spent a great deal of time lying down just too sick to get up it use to get to me so i would get up clean up and cook their meals only to have the mess left for me to clean up ,well this week i have not done any of it they have had to cook and wash for themselves i really do not care one bit .They are all capable of doing it just too lazy.
As for your hubby having arguements on the phone try hanging up on him before he has the chance to let him feel how it feels to be hung up on .He has no right to call you anything like he does .
But i think you need someone to talk to weather it be a friend or someone else just to get ideas on how to cope with whats happening in your life atm.
If all else fails get some articles on divorce and leave then on the table where he can see them it may make him realise you are serious about this ( eventhough you like me would not end our marriages as they do mean so much to us .)
Good luck i do hope you find a solution .
Restless

Dear luvleigh17,

I am so sorry your husband is insensitive.  The comments about your brother were inappropirate and those kinds of comments I will not take from anyone anymore.  Even if someone else excuses the person and says "Oh, that is just the way he is." I will just get up and join another group and if I want to talk with the insensitive person, we will talk alone.

I went to nurse's training with 4 children at home.  My youngest was 7 at the time.  My  hubby sold his prized possession  to help pay my tuition. It was  tough for all but when you have a good support person it makes life much better.

Perhaps you could start out working as an NA and save some money then move on up the ladder.  You could take you general ed credits at a junior college, but make sure they will transfer Nursing School you choose.

I know you can take online college courses but your would have to research exactly how it works.

You are a good person and you deserve respect.

Take care,

Kitt

Luvleigh,

I hope that your dreams come true. It sounds like you would be such a good nurse.

I hope that things work out for you and your husband. I agree putting your mind on something will put a different light on things with your husband.

I wish you all the best.

Keep posting and remember that we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen