Depression?

I moved to NYC to go to school about 3 months ago, I traveled up from Florida couch surfing with friends and working construction. For the better part of the summer I was alone working construction and writing, and although it was hard being in a new place with no one I knew I got along fine, a little homesickness but nothing so bad.

Then I came to the city.

I stretched myself too thin at first meeting everyone I could and befriending too many people to the point where I couldn't keep up with all my social circles. Then I settled on 3 close friends. One of the friends (whom I considered the closest) was hospitalized and had to leave the school and move back home.

Afterwards the other friends turned into mere acquaintances.

Since my friend left I've been completely alone. I try to reach out to all the people I've met but it all ends in unreturned phone calls or text messages. I've spent the last 2 months all by myself and I'm constantly getting this heavy feeling of a painful contraction in my chest/abdominal area. I want to cry often and the only person I can turn to are my friends 1000 miles away.

People are often saying we should hang out and inviting me out but when I pursue these things they act as if the invitation was never extended and they have no plans.

Someone explained to me that this is Manhatanese and that when someone extends an invite it's just a form of being polite and they don't actually mean it.

I've become terribly misanthropic and I find it nearly impossible to get out of bed everyday. I spent halloween by myself (for the first time ever) and just cried in my room.

I'm becoming more and more of an introvert. No one in this darn city talks to me unless they want to bum a cigarette. Kids that I talk with in class and get along with all of a sudden don't exist after class on the weekends when I ask them what they're up to or if they want to hang out.

They live in the same god darn building! I've now decided to dish back the treatment. I'm not going to smile or make jokes or even give these darn kids the time of day if they can't be real to my face. And this terrible feeling I carry inside extends to how I get along with others to the point where I'm so darn negative I wouldn't even hang out with myself.

But what worries me is the constant pain I get in my chest and stomach and feeling like I want to cry at all hours of the day, being unable to get out of bed and not even wanting to go out to get groceries or do laundry. My appetite has gone to crap.

I can't even see the school therapist because the office is located in an area where kids (I'm at a very small school) will see me entering and I try my god darn best to not let on that I'm dying on the inside.

I guess I was wondering if this is common of depression, or if it's just some sort of social psychosomatic nonsense I have to get over.

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

I am so glad that you have found us. It is a terrible pain to go through and cope with what you are dealing with... and I know because I have done it myself. I want you to know that here, you are never on your own and you will always get as much support and help as we can provide you with.

It does sound like clinical depression and it is definately something I would take to a physician or psychologist in order to try and resolve the problem. You said when you moved to the city, you didnt have a problem making friends (In fact you made too many)... is it possible for you to repeat the same process again but this time making sure you limit your social circle?

Remember we are always here

Darren

Try to remember that two wrongs don't necessarily make a right. Try not to get bitter about it and treating them the same as they treated you only makes you the same as them.

You sound like such a sweet person, I suggest that you stay that way. Go to counseling, read self help books. That will get your thinking straightened out.

I think that you should also find something to do during your alone time. Pick up a hobby or craft that you like to do. Don't worry what other people are doing at the time, just focus on yourself. You will get there, you have already taken a step by coming here.

Best wishes my friend,

Hugs, Karen