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Tough Day Yesterday

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Posted 11/11/2008 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
Had a tough day yesterday... I feel like I went 2 steps back, and now I have to catch up.
The ex wanted some stuff, like the TV, and I haven't been in contact with her for two weeks, because she just triggers
a lot of stress and anxiety. She kept on calling and was very abusive on the phone. She came to the house and my mom just put the stuff on
the curb, as I really did not want to see her. I told my mom that I was haunted by 5 years worth of memories and I just did not want to add even a day or an hour to those memories. Just imagine having film rolling in your head, and each time I have to press stop';, and think of something else. This is a daily struggle for me. Imagine 5 years worth of film! and I can't add to it any more. My sister and mom have asked me if I wanted to change my phone number, as well as maybe file a temporary restraining order. She was the one who left me, and it took me a long while to leave her alone, and now that I'm trying to move on and try to live, she starts bothering me again!

I just want to live my life, without her in it. She also said she wanted to see one of our dogs, but I did not let her because I don't want my dogs to see their "mom" and then not know when they'll see her again.

Any advice? Hopefully today will be a better day.

Posted 11/11/2008 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
Trying2getby,

Sorry if this is blunt, but good riddens to her. She just doesn't sound like a very good person, being abusive and all. You said that you left her alone, so that's why she's bothering you again.

I got divorced from my ex-husband after seven years together. And we went through this cycle while going through the divorce where he would say that he didn't want to get divorced and wanted to try to work things out and I wouldn't, but just as soon as I thought I might, then he wouldn't want to. It was crazy for awhile, but now that that's done and over with, it's really better to get out of bad situations.

Everyone has their demons and even though at times we might sound like a broken record, taking one day at a time is really the best advice. I'm trying to do that myself and so far, things are getting better. Good luck to you and remember to keep standing your ground.
Posted 11/11/2008 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
luvleigh17,

thanks for responding! so far this day is going okay. i had a cup of decaf coffee (quit caffeine and smoking 2 weeks ago!), which made me feel really good, just smelling that freshly brewed coffee in this overcast day in California made me feel comforted.

I have been taking it one day at a time since the divorce, trying to take care of myself and think of myself for a change. I was so giving and made so much sacrifices for 5 years that I forgot how to love myself. Now that I'm on my way to loving myself, she's holding me back by bringing up stuff. I will
be thinking of my next step today, of whether to change my phone number or not (I use the phone for business as well).

My dogs are my children, and I think I and them have been through so much already, that I don't want them to be traumatized anymore. Its weird but that's how I feel. Thanks for listening...
Posted 11/11/2008 8:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Trying,

As Luvleigh said, and I know it does sound like a broken record, take it one day at a time. Sometimes we have to go from minute to minute with all of the thoughts going on in our heads. Soon, thoughts of her wont bother you anymore and you will think of her less and less.

Just stay with us and we will help you the best that we can. I know that you will get through this. I am happy you love your dogs, I am a dog person too. They are my children.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/12/2008 12:29 AM (GMT 0)

Hello Trying,

I am sorry your going through this.  I went through a divorce many years ago where the divorcee was a horrible person.  So everyone blamed me, the wife for not keeping her husband happy. Bahhh to that one. It takes 2 people to make a relationship.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and we don't have to.  You stated "Now that I'm on my way to loving myself, she's holding me back by bringing up stuff."

No one can hold you back accept you.  You are the one running your life and you cannot blame anyone else from keeping you from moving forward.

Do you have a therapist or have you been dx with depression?  If not you should see your physician for a good check up and ask for help in getting through this tough time.

Take care and know we are here for you. We believe in you so you work on doing the same thing.

Kitt

Posted 11/12/2008 12:55 AM (GMT 0)

yes i was dxd with MDD around 2 weeks ago. I guess what i meant by her holding me back is that she was the one who left, and i'm well on my way to moving on, but then she pops up asking to see the dog, or get stuff back. She threw most of my stuff away in the dumpster, because i told her i was not going to the apartment to see her, i just told her leave my stuff ill pick it up when you leave. i along with my dad and brother had to go dumpster diving for direct tv cable boxes, but the other stuff, i let it go. its not worth it. from that day on i did not speak with her. i left my phone in the drawer, having my mom check for anything important. just so happened she called yesterday wanting to see one of the dogs and get the tv and the wii. i actually never want to see her or speak to her again.

that's part of my story. i am hoping that i already hit rock bottom and am on my way up.

Eli

Posted 11/12/2008 3:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Eli,

It sounds to me like you are on your way up. I think that you are doing the best that you can to get on with your life. With us and the help of your counselor, if you are going, you should be on your way to the rest of your life. Which can be good. Just keep doing what you are doing and pushing on, you will get there.

Take care and have a good night,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/12/2008 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen... I am really appreciative of everything everyone here has done for me in this short time. Even my mom is interested in joining the forum now!
Posted 11/12/2008 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
That is cool, your mom is more than welcome. I hope that she joins.

I hope that you have a good day today. It is a little gloomy here, we have some snow left from the other night. And it is cloudy. Time to crank up the music and do things inside.

Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/12/2008 2:39 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning,

Thank you for clarifying for me that you wanted her gone and you are working hard at getting yourself back together.

I have done in and actually more then once.  You can do this as you have the one thing you need the most, the desire to get better and go on to live a wonderful, meaningful life.

Remember the bad times (but don't forget the good): If there are moments when you want to go back to her because you feel as though you can't survive on your own emotionally, you have to stay strong, Just think of the worst things she did or said to you.

Take care and we are all here for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

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