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introduction and question about friends

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Posted 12/5/2008 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone. This is my first post but i thought it would be helpful. I am an 18 year old male who is currently a freshman in college. Ive had depression since i was 12 and been in therapy for 2 years.

When i came to college I had an authentic confidence that i was going to start fresh and make new, real friends. four months later i find out that my "friends" all got an apartment off campus and didn't invite me. when i look around i see other people that have better friends now than i ever had. All of my confidence just went away. Im at a place where im just stuck because even when i felt good about myself i still didn't make friends. Any kind words would be helpful.

BTW i've heard the "join clubs, play a sport" solution already and it doesn't make me feel any better.

Thanks
Posted 12/5/2008 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Supersupper,

Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. I am happy that you have joined us.

You are not alone. There are a lot of people that feel the same way that you do. But what they learn here is that you have to start with helping yourself to feel good about yourself. Before you can be happy with other people, genuinly happy, you have to learn to love yourself. You cannot depend on other people to make you feel good. That all comes from within.

I am sure that other people have suggested clubs and sports, that is a way to make friends and meet people. What about other interests that you have. Art, photography, reading. You can meet people in all the places that you would frequent doing such things. Such as a book store or a library.

It takes time to have a genuine friend, it doesn't happen over night. You are probably seeing people that just hang out together, you can do that with anybody.

Are you going to any counseling? That is a good way to get your feelings out and observe what it is that you feel you are lacking. I assure you that when you start liking yourself and accepting yourself for who you are that you will eventually make friends. But don't expect your friendship to be perfect, there are always obstacles in any relationship. Things don't always run smoothly.

I am sorry that your previous friends rented an apartment without you. It must have just worked out that they hooked up with the thing when you weren't there. But things like that happen. It doesn't mean that they like you any less. Though it may feel that way, doesn't make it so.

I hope that this is helping you some. I know that you probably want to hear different things than I have to say, but this is just my opinion. It doesn't make it a rule or a law. That is just the way that I percieve it at this time.

You do have to make an effort to meet people if that is what your goal is. You have to be in the right places at the right time I guess. What I am trying to say it that you have to be out there. Though you may get to know somebody in your classroom and become friends, but that is because you were there.

I hope you have success with your venture.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 12/5/2008 4:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hello there, and Welcome!
just remember you always have friends here.

You're a little younger than me, but I know how you feel. When I was a freshmen, my friends from HS kinda ditched me which forced me to make new friends. I know people say join a club or whatever, but it truly isn't that easy! However, you need to take the first step. If someone looks smiley and friendly enough to have small talk with, take advantage of it.
I made a few truly fantastic friends in college I still talk to. It's hard, but it's worth it. I'm sure this apartment thing had nothing to do with you. And even if it did, that just tells you that they're not people you should waste your time associating with. So many brilliant, lonely, anxious, or whatver people out there need a friend. Talk to someone! Make someones day! I know it's hard, believe me I know, but the friends I started talking to are some of the best I've ever had.

And liek getting by said, true good friends take a while to come across. Don't lose hope yet. IT's still very early
Posted 12/5/2008 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen and behindtheseeyes00987 (wow long name).

I just wanted to say that I have been going through regular counseling since school started.
My main reason here is that this is convenient and im talking to people who might understand me a little.
It just gets hard when deep down, i do like my personality, but every bad situation makes me doubt myself more.
I know it takes time and an effort on my part, i've just been doing it for a while and seeing little results. Deep down I know things will get better, but its hard to see it now.
Posted 12/5/2008 6:13 AM (GMT 0)

supersupper

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  We often have young people that have gone off to school struggling with your very same problem.

You have already received some good advice. I am glad you are going through counseling, that will be a tremendous help to you even though you will sometimes think it is a waste of time.

There is a lot to handle during your first year in school and even as your college career progresses. You have to adjust to being away from home, new independence,and  stress from classes.

There is nothing wrong with being depressed or feeling overwhelmed.  It happens to each of us many times in our life, sometimes it is just a lot harder to deal with and asking for help is the right thing to do.

Find an outlet – do what you like to do to have some fun. If you plan your time, you will have some balance and you can fit fun into your schedule so you will not feel as if you are in prison!

Use techniques to relax – try meditation, stretching, deep breathing, and relaxing music or nature sounds to help you relax. Keep talking to us, we are here to support you.

Again a warm welcome

Kitt

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