Depression After Loss of Spouse

Real woman,

Don't feel bad because you can't feel comfortable going to the cemetary. I don't either. I barely go. I try to put some flowers on it in the spring, then take them off in the fall. Other than that I don't go. And that is okay. My husband wasn't creamated due to his wishes. And it is still hard. it has been eight years. So that is something where everybody is different. So don't feel guilty about it.

I hope that you can feel comfortable coming here and talking about it, because it will probably make you feel better. And we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Hi NC,

Thanks for the prayers. They're very much appreciated.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that it is hard, and that it takes time to get through. But time does heal all wounds and you will get feeling better. Just be patient with yourself.

I am happy that you have a ten year old that you can be with. I am sure that you are a good father, you just probably expect too much from yourself. Just make sure that he feels secure and keep his best interest at heart and you can't go wrong.

I hope that you are having a good day today. You will also be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen

Valerie,
I put myself in your spot. I've been married 38 years!
Without him I'd have an extremely difficult time.
I think you are doing well by just attending work.
Good.
You'll be glad that you did this.
Now, thing is ...
You gotta stay well.
Canned soup, TV dinners, coconut cake, Pretty colors
of fresh fruit,.salads out, yogurt, a Big Mac
Pick out things YOU used to love to eat.
Don't cook them. Eat them raw.
That's right.
A TV dinner popcycle?
(Cook that one)
I have emptied my mind of coping abilities...
Now you go on and get to work.
You have been doing it.
You can continue.
Could I?
Pamela
My husband was very sick a few months ago.
I know fear.

Real Woman,

Good Morning, and no you are not strange for not wanting to be home alone at night in the house without your dear husband.

My good friend lost her husband a long time ago and to this day she hates being home alone in the evening.  She worked part time 3-11 PM shift with me and I suggested she increase her hours but there were still those nights when she would be alone.  For the first 5 years after he was gone she would just get in her car and drive around leaving home around 4PM and just go whereever her car took her.................she would not come home until bed time.  She has 5 children all adults and she lives in a big house.  She considered selling it but she told me once it would not make any difference where she lived she would still be alone. Her home was paid for and so she still lives in the same home.

I have watched her go through this so I know what you are going through.

My hubby always drove me to work and picked me up in the winter too as he retired at 55 and I kept on working. We live in the country............so I understand how you must miss that..............I do understand.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

Hi.  This is my first post.  My husband of 29 years passed away on January 20th.  I am having a very very difficult time with his loss.  I am not coping well at all.  I suffer from severe depression as well as grieving his death.  I have suffered from depression for a very long time.  I feel I am stable on my current meds right now, I am just very very low, lonely and empty right now.  I could no longer afford to stay in our home, so I am living with friends currently.  I have two grown daughters a son-in-law and two grandchildren, who all live within 30 minutes.  but I still feel incredibly lonely.  My children have their lives, jobs, children, etc. to take care of.  So I can't see them as much as I would like to.  I am currently seeing a counselor and am in a group for grief therapy, and my anti depressents.  But none of it is enough.  I can't pull myself out of it.  I know it will take a long time to feel normal again.  I just want my life back !  I am so lonely.  Nearly every day I wonder how I will go on another day the way I am feeling.  Some days I don't know if I can go on at all.  I have a full time job that takes all my concentration and energy.  I live in a small community so there aren't many options for group activities, so meeting new people is not an easy task.  Any help any of you could give me would be very very much appreciated.  I have tried to talk to my daughters about all of this, they both think I am fine, even though I tell them that I am far from fine.  They say they are doing all they can to help me.  They are probably right.  I just need help and don't know where to turn or what to do to feel like I have purpose in my life again.  Thank you all for taking the time to read this.  I hope to hear from some of you. 

I am so sorry for your losses. I also loss my dear husband June 1,2012. He developed MCI and passed within 3 months. We were lucky to be blessed with the time to pray together and ask Jesus to help us with what the two of us were dealing with. I was the care taker and he was suffering with loss of his memory. He was a retired physician so he knew what was happening clear up to death. He said, it was the worst disease ever. He analyzed everything that was happening to him. He said to me, if you could only get in my head and see what I am seeing you would be shocked! We prayed together for the lord to take him and not let him suffer. He was only bed fast for 5 days. This was a blessing. Some live for years. I loved my husband dearly and miss him. He is my soul mate. We were together 29 years and his spirit will always be with me. I have cried so much I do not know where the tears came from! The legality of death kept me busy for weeks. Neighbors and children check on me weekly. I have ocd on house cleaning and rearranging furniture in the house. That was the best thing after 6 weeks of crying and being depressed.I was okay with him passing for I did not want him to suffer. I knew that Jesus would take care of him until we meet again. He said, he would come back for me and he will. I still pray for him at night and I still cry occasionally but getting better. I talk to him some nights and tell him how my day went. A few nights after he passed he wakened me from a deep sleep and yelled talk to me! All he said. So I do. No I am not crazy and am going through the normal after death experiences. Depression at times. Comes and goes. My friends tell me I am doing good. I have friends from church to visit and bring grief books. The house and errands are keeping me busy and then I have days curled up and have quiet time. I like quiet time. It gives me time to clear my thoughts and see where I am going with myself. I might start back to work in the fall. Have not worked since dec. Neighbors and friends have given me Tear Soup and The Shack to read. Loved the books! Best gift ever! Seriously! Will probably read them again. I am back reading now and feel a little normal. I know my life will never be the same without my dear soul but life goes on as I know he would want me to. Going to get back in church and enjoy my grandkids more. My sons are visiting with their families more. The late nights are the worse and early mornings. I have never been alone before. The house seems big and lonely at times. The books I read really helped. My faith in God and knowing we will be together again will keep me for now. Just stumbled upon this site and thought I would share. Sheryl

Hi everyone,

I lost my hubby suddenly and unexpectedly to aggressive brain cancer in early July of this year... barely 3 months after the diagnosis. Up to that point he had been a healthy, active middle-aged man... he never drank or smoked... ate healthy...he passed his yearly physicals with flying colors... no health problems or history of cancer in his family. He was planning on retiring in a year or two... we were going to buy a house this year... adopt a couple kittens.... He loved making things, working with his hands... We so looked forward to a place of our own... a little garden... him tinkering about the house, fixing this and that. And then, the unthinkable happened... the worst imaginable form of cancer stole his life... and stole him from me. We would be celebrating our 11-year anniversary this week... And he is not here.

All I want is to be unconscious... not think or remember... The cancer took everything before it took his life. But I am alone, and death has paperwork and responsibilities... and I have to plod through them. Life is gone, there is only this cheap form of day-to-day existence... pain, and void, and torture. I mourn for what I lost... but, above all, I mourn for the life he lost... and all the things he planned to do and share with me. He was my life and he is gone.

Thank you all for reading this.... I am hopeless and desperate.

Thank you, Karen, for your kind works and hugs... I briefly tried counseling, but did not work... Hubby and I were, essentially, happy hermits... and his loss is this abyss inside me and around me. Every day feels like punishment, torture... I breathe in and out and put one foot in front of another and days go by and I hurt more than ever... And you are right when you say that it feels like life is over for me. It does feel that way. We have two elderly kitties and their care keeps me motivated... they are two innocents, totally dependent on me. I seek answers to the big Why's... but there are none... Why him? Why us? Why this? Why now? But it just is. I miss him beyond words... and I am alone... Thanks for replying with such kindness to a total stranger. Lefki