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I'm depressed and angry

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Posted 1/27/2009 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
So I've decided to post here, because I can't keep lying to myself that I'm depressed. I am, I'm unhappy at where I am, unhappy with whats going on... and everything seems so hopeless.

I cried this morning to my boyfriend... and I always feel so guilty afterwards... he doesn't need to hear my tale of woes... the fact that I hate that I'm in bed by 9pm, that I hurt all the time... that I'm tired, that my anxiety hitting me over the head with a golf club, and that I feel that nobody around me understands me.

I'm just so angry that I'm here, depressed again. I've already battle this once, the fact that it's staring me in the face again just makes me feel even more hopeless. Everything that I've fought for, everything that I'm fighting for takes so much energy. To wake up and smile and be friendly, be a good girlfriend, friend, sister and daughter... to take on the load of debt we're accumulating from my inability to work... I feel so useless... and I know that a lie.. but thats what I'm struggling with, I feel like I fall so below the bar, that I'll never figure this life out enough to be happy.

I'm just having a really bad day today.
Posted 1/27/2009 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
Corrie,
My shoulder hurts so I can't type.
I just wanted to say I kinda know how you feel.
I feel that way too.
Oh, I do.
Pamela
Posted 1/27/2009 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
Are you a little low on medication?
Don't tell your doctor that you heard this on a forum.
Pamagain smhair
Posted 1/27/2009 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Corrie,

I truly understand your pain, I really do. I have fibro too and it is a pain all over. We have had some really cold weather too and that effects it a lot.

Try not to beat yourself up. I know that you want to work, I do too. But I am scared that I wont be able to do it. But I am thinking about trying.

I hope that you feel better soon,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/27/2009 11:58 PM (GMT 0)

Corrie

I am so sorry your having such a tough time.  Yes depression and anxiety seem to want to drive the bus, but don't you give up.  You are the one who can direct which way your life will go.

Many hugs to you. ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Kitt

Posted 1/28/2009 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys... trying to stay positive :) Hoping to see my P-doc today.

I had a great time playing monopoly last night with my friends - even made them start early so I wouldn't fall asleep at the table :)
Posted 1/28/2009 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Good for you corrie,

I am happy that you had a good time playing monopoly with your friends. And that you got an early start so that you were able to sit through the whole game.

Keep up the good work,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/29/2009 7:21 AM (GMT 0)
Okay I posted this in the anxiety thread but i wanted to say it here too.

Okay so they're doubling my venalfaxine. I sat in the hospital for 3 hours before I got to see the doctor, if it wasn't for my friend dropping by today I wouldn't have been able to leave the house.

A Psychaitrist is coming to island so they're re-reviewing my meds.

When I left the hospital I couldn't get farther than the side walk from the hospital.. I tried three times but my anxiety and panic was so bad I had to turn back each time and ask the receptionist to find me a ride because I couldn't walk and nobody i knew was home with a car.

I got home and my boyfriend told me that he's leaving in 4 days with our roommate to live in a trailer... leaving me with the house (I'm renting), the bills (which are overdue) and no income. I have a month of rent left after january... but unless I get my disability I won't have money for march.

I'm a mess... this is way too much.
Posted 1/29/2009 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
Can you go with him to the trailer?

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/29/2009 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Nope not happening... he's leaving me...
Posted 1/29/2009 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
How about putting an ad out for another room mate. Are you in a contract or a lease? Can you move to an less expensive place if you need to? I hope that things work out for you. And I am sorry that you are in this situation. I wish that he would at least help you a little until you get on your feet.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/29/2009 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
i'm looking for another roommate however jobs are very short here, and so are my options for roommates who can pay rent. I might have my friend move in to help me clean things... she's currently looking for a job.

Money is sparce here... logging shut down for a year... and it's out of season for the lodge and crabfishing.

A cheaper place doesn't exist and I don't have a vehicle to travel (plus I'm really worried about driving and my panic attacks) the 40 minutes from the only other place I can stay.. to work the job I need to have for my disability.

I'm hoping everything works out... this whole situation just sucks.
Posted 1/29/2009 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Corrie,

Know that I am thinking about you and hoping that something works out for you with this situation. I feel confident that things are going to be okay.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/30/2009 12:31 AM (GMT 0)

Corrie,

Never give up, that is to easy and I know this will work out.  If your boyfriend and your room mate are moving out then let them go as they obviously are not good for you.

Do you have relatives in the area? Anyone you can count on to help you out.

I am so sorry things are tough but know we are all here for you.
Hugs

Kitt

Posted 1/31/2009 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
Now he's not paying this months rent...
Posted 1/31/2009 5:04 AM (GMT 0)
Corrie,

I am so sorry to hear this, is there any way that you can make him pay the rent?

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2009 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
I had to move... he told me two days before rent was due that he was taking off and not paying. I'm now living with my parents... which is far from ideal... I'm trying to stay positive.. however, this was a really low blow on top of everything else.
Posted 2/3/2009 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
Awe Corrie,

I am sorry for this, but I am glad that you had a place to go. The thought of you living on the streets or something would be devistating. So hang on and take it one day at a time with your parents. Hopefully soon you will find a new place.

I couldn't live with my parents if I had to. It would just be so difficult. But you at least have a roof over your head and a bed to sleep in. So try and bide your time.

I hope that you can find a place soon. Sorry for your situation.

Luv and hugs, Karen
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