Kitt Needs Help..................please.

Kitt:  I hope surgery ended up going well for your sister.  And I hope that you have also had a chance to catch a few breaths and perhaps had at least a little bit of time to relax.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Love,

Cass

My Sister is doing better, still in ICU but may be able to go back to regular room today. I am praying that is everything will go smoothly from here on out and I thank all of you for you prayers.

As for me, I am fighting the depression and anxiety this morning.   I think it is just an accumulation of the past 6 months of the constant stress with her illness yet I feel guilty as she has gone through so much so how can I whine and be weak?

Love to all
Kitt

I've been thinking about you and your sister off and on all day. Fatigue combined with stress can take such a big toll on those with anxiety/ depression. Hang in there!

You poor thing! What a stressful and difficult time. I just wanted to pass on a valuable lesson I learnt when I was very active in the volunteer emergency services as a rescue worker and firefighter. We we taught very early on that you should never risk your own safety when you are rescuing others - you are no use to anyone else if you yourslef are injured or need rescuing yourself. You also end up creating extra problems for those involved. And of course this is easier said then done. However, I think it is similar here. If you break down from lack of sleep, stress, the expectations of others, etc, you are in NO state to help anyone else. While your sister is in hospital she has 24/7 care and support from all the staff and support people there. It is the safest place for her, and gives you a good chance to get some rest - especially when she is resting or sleeping. I am sure she would not want to be a burden or to see you crash and burn as a result. A calm happy you is the best thing for her to see and for you to be in order to offer her support. It will be harder when she gets home I guess, so you need to take the time YOU need to rest and get yourself together now. You cant help anyone if you buckle under. There! My words of wisdom for the day! :)

I am thinking of you, what a tough time.

Hi Kitt,

Please know that you and your sister are still in my thoughts and prayers.

You have been through so much lately. You probably should have a much needed rest here soon. I hope that you do.

Come back when you are ready. Take care of you. That is most important, really. We are all here for you.

Take care my friend,

Luv and hugs, Karen

Judy,

Thank you and you are 100% correct. You must be reading my mind............

To everyone, my feelings have been all over the place.  I actually prayed while in tears that she get better and they all go home to North Dakota so I would get my life back.  It has been a long 6 months and the middle of the night phone calls just freak me out as I panic wondering how I am going to rush to the hospital and how long I will have to be there each time things get bad.

I am sensitive by nature and I do try to blow off comments but inside I am crying.................someone asked me the other day when I said my daughter drove me up to the hospital at 4:00 AM in a snowstorm " Do you ever drive anywhere yourself?" My son died in a car crash, the freeways are a huge challenge for me.

My sister told me she did not like the color of my hair as the highlights have grown out..........and as I have been committed to being with her I have not had time to get to the beauty shop.

I wanted to just walk out and say what is it you like about me?

OK, end of feel sorry for me, but I break down in tears so easy....................I am continuing to wean off the Cymbalta but I just want to hear someone say, Hey you are a good person. I am sitting hear crying as I write this............my expectations seem to be to high I guess.

Love
Kitt

Hey Kitt,

I think Karen is right, you should maybe try & take some time out for yourself, a bit of pampering or a massage! Try to concentrate on making yourself feel good.

and I think your more than a good person - I think your a fabulous person!

Hey Kitt,

I'm sorry that your feeling sad & angry, tho I think you have every right to feel that way! Try not to let it get to you too much! I think you have done so much for your sister, more than a lot of people would have done.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first & do what is best for you. They will come round in time, I guess things are all a bit sensitive now.

Hi Kitt:

I know you love your sister and have exhausted yourself doing everything humanly possible for her, but I find both her and your nieces' behavior towards you appalling!  Your niece should be the one caring for her mother 24/7 and attending to the majority of her needs.  And if her husband's birthday was so important why could he not come to be with her?  Perhaps they could have found a hotel nearby --just a phone call away from her mom.  If you had more than enough time to adjust your schedule and life to meet your sisters needs, than her daughter should have also had to do the same.  She should be ashamed of herself and thankful for everything you have done for them!

I am glad that you spoke up about your own needs.  You need to take care of yourself and spend some quality time with your husband.  You are a caring and loyal sister and aunt and friend to us all.  Take some time to heal emotionally and going back to work where you can keep busy doing what you enjoy will do wonders for you.

Cass

And I said I was not going to post anymore about this but first of all I need to say thank you again for holding me up.  You are all  angels on earth.

My niece called me last night to ask a medical question about my sister's medication.........I was polite and answered but to be honest it was not a question I really could give much input into as it was a question for the physician.

I did say hello to my sister and encouraged her to rest and heal now..........and to use her pain meds as needed.

For my daughter's birthday on 3/2 I am going to surprise her with an ice cream birthday cake for her to find in her freezer.  I work that day so hopefully when she gets home from her trip she will be excited to see the cake and I will get to share some time with her.

Thank you everyone.  You are the wind beneath my not so strong wings.

Love
Kitt

Kitt all i can say is you have endured so much the pain of your own problems then the pain of your sister and all of what she has gone through .I can honestly know how you are feeling to be brushed aside after alll you have done for her .
The tears you shed just say how human you are we are all the same we all care for those we love and some do do not .Someone the other day told me the tears was the way the body washed away so much of the pain we endure .
One thing for sure it just goes to show your sister and niece do value you in their lives just the phone call to ask you the question of which you could not answer properly they appreciate you so much .
Just a thought i thought of .I know with me depression has caused me to push away from me the ones i love so much even though i do not do it intentionally it still happens .Just maybe this is the case with your sister as she too suffers from depression to some extent with her own medical condition .Kepp the lines of communication open with them even ring them from time to time to see how they are going .I know the were relying on you to be there for them for those weeks but i don`t think they fully understood how it was effecting you .Maybe now they realise and do not know how to apologise .
I do hope you can find your own peace and that your sister continues to improve and the closeness you shared for such a long time reunites before too long .
Much love
Snowflake

Snowflake,

Your right, I will keep those doors of communication open and not make this about me.  My sister is depressed as I can see it...............the old saying about it takes one to know one.  She is on so many pain meds and  Ativan right now she is usually pretty groggy.  She has refused since day one to admit that any of her illness has caused her any depression just frustration..............

Thank you for reminding me.

Mom,

Thank you for you sweet comments.  I know I need to take care of myself and validate my own feelings, I am a good person and I do not need to wait for others to tell me so.  I also need to get past my feelings of  sensitivity that I am not good enough.

Thank you so much for your gentle words.  I will take them to heart.

Hugs
Kitt