Just trying to be a supportive husband.

 I have read a lot of posts on this sight that could describe my life. I have a wife that recently told me she doesn't feel any love for me or herself. Just our 2and a half year old son.She did deal with depression around 10 years ago when we were first dating. She got though it with counseling . The last 4 years she has been going to school full time [a 5 year program in 4 years ].She is carrying a 4.0 grade point average into her final semester. She is in honor society and heading up the committees in honor society.She has been battleing anxiety issues but has now has gone into a pretty bad depression. She has called for counseling and is waiting for an appointment. It has torn me apart. I have worked 6 days a week for 4 years and have supported her in every way I can . I have been human and have had diagreements but nothing out of the ordinary. When the depression started she got real distant and said she is numb inside. She focuses on the bad of our marriage never the good things. She has all the classic signs. Doesnt think she is a good enough wife, or mother. She doesnt beleive God loves her. At first it was really bad because I did not know how to react. I love my wife with all my heart but cant hug her or get into her space. I read a lot of other posters in similar situations but it would be encouraging if it ever got better for any of them. My life i a rollercoaster but I wont bail out on her. She says that I will get tired of her being crazy but when I asked her if she wanted me to bail out on her she said no... and I know by her tone of voice she is being sincere. Any husbands out there with success stories would be a help for me.I have never been a quiter in anything I have done but it is hard when your loved one is hurting and you want to hug and reassure this person and you cant.

Hi Cowboyup,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I hope that you can get the advice that you are searching for.

Does she take any antidepressants, or go to counseling? It sounds like it would really help her.

I hope that things get better for you.

Hugs, Karen

I just found it amazing reading through the posts how many spouses were dealing with the same situation. It is amazing how similar the descriptions were of what others were going through.

I really dont think standing by her is thing more then what a a husband should do ,or wife . I know how rough it has been and really dont see an end in sight right now she is waiting forher appointment. The truth is she is the love of my life and wouldnt even trade the worst days to be without her.In the longrun I truly beleive I will be a better husband and the marriage will be stronger when we get trough this.

Hey Cowboy Up! Yeah this is definitly the roughest ride of our life so far, I,m praying for you because I'm going through almost the same exact situation with my wife of 11+ years.  My wife also said that she was not attracted to me anymore and she doesn't want me to hug or hold her because it feels fake to her.  She says she is sorry she feels that way and she is not sure why.  My wife also had been in school and had just landed her dream job only to be told one night that maybe she wasn't cut out for it by a supervisor. Since that night she came home with tears in her eyes, she has been a different person. She quit that job (My wife was not a quitter) and her talking stopped. Before this incident she was a very affectionate and talkative woman. Now she stays in bed on her off days and watchs TV. She does go to the gym and a community chior with her sister but she is different to me.  What kills me is that she acts normal when we go to church or to her sisters house and then flips back when we get home.  Just keep loving her brother, that's all we can do. It is true that you need to do stuff for yourself to regain your sanity. We are going to marriage counseling and the therapist told her she seems depressed but my wife is in denial. She won't take any meds. I'm debating about getting her parents involved. I have kept it from them for 6 months but I think I need some help talking to her about seeing a doctor. 

Hang in there brother! Your wife still loves you she just can't figure out why her feelings are so mixed up. Every now and then I see glimpses of the woman I fell in love with come through her cloud of depression and it helps me stay strong. I've grown closer to the Lord through all this and I can really say that this storm has been a blessing for me. I have never prayed or read my Bible so much in all my life! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding, Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take" Proverbs 3:5-6 "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27

Lespaul     

Cowboy,

I am praying for you daily and know that you and your wife are both very special, you will get through this together. You are right, it will make you stronger to deal with the problems together and  please know I truly care.

Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde

Kitt