This is a piece of my depression...now I can honestly say i don't even know if I do have depression, I've never been to a doctor or therapist or anyone for that matter, nor do I plan to, hence why I am here...I figure that I hope people on here (whom seem very nice so far as I've observed) might help me a bit, for they have gone through or are going through the same things I've been through I assume. Well for some background...I think my "depression" if it is depression started in my seventh grade year..the first time I tried to myself out of self-hatred, worthlessness and weakness. I will spare the reasons, for people don't really have to know to know the fact that , only I was too stupid to know that I would pass out first before I died, I guess it is fortunate that I did not tie the rope well and I woke up a bit later on the floor (luckily my family doesn't come into my room often...) My depression spread from seventh to eighth grade where it got worse and I started myself out of more hatred for myself. I attempted again in my ninth grade year. I was finally with someone I loved at first sight...little did I know that when you are depressed or very sad that you cling to anyone that shows the least bit of interest to you. Yes, well you all know where that is going I believe, my first love, first kiss...turned out to be cheating on me with my friend from the start. That made me fall into a deeper hole, they had been my only friends with the exception of one other...but she doesn't count I was more of her therapist then a friend..but that's a different part of my story, anyways, from there my self-worth that I had gained from his lies fell obviously, and I hated myself more then before. 10th grade I met another man, but he was shall I say..emotionally abusive, just wanted me o have sex with him and tried to make me on a few occasions. I guess that is the base of my depression hatred for myself, low self-worth and weakness. There are other part of my depression other then the low-everything, but I figured I'd save that to be the second piece to my depression. Well i guess thanks for reading my little pointless vent/background information.
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Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/5/2009 6:41:20 AM (GMT-7)