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All I Want to do is Sleep

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Posted 3/6/2009 5:37 PM (GMT 0)
Okay, I am really only on when Im at school, basically because I'd rather be here than doing my actual work(horrible I know)

But, when I go home in the afternoon, I change into comfy clothes and get in bed. I watch tv and go to bed early. I dont feel like moving, for anything. The house could be on fire and I'd probably have to be pulled out. I am getting off my Fibro meds so that could be "part" of it... But, honestly, I dont even feel like waking up anymore. I just want to sleep. I hate coming to school and when Im here, I am really quiet and I just think about going home so I can sleep. I have lost my spunk...I dont even care anymore. Like, I dont care if I pay attention in class or do my work or study. I've already gotten into college and everything..

It just feels like my attitude is 100% "whatever, I could care less." And thats not what I want. Its been nice here the last few days and I want to get outside and enjoy it, but I see no point. I see no reason for me to do anything outside. I cant even be creative enough to figure out what I want to do other than waste away in bed.

I just needed to vent some. I havent said 5 words today to anyone. Everyone keeps bugging me asking whats wrong and everything... nothing, I just dont want to talk or interact at all. Well, I guess Im going to go back to class...next period I have calculus, Im so lost in there that I dont even pay attention anymore... very sad. Take Care

Posted 3/6/2009 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Christi,

Both depression and fibromyalgia makes us want to sleep. Well, I guess it would be like fatigue. Why are you going off of your fibro meds? Were you haveing side effects from them?

But often a short walk will perk us up. So that is an idea of what you might want to try. I hope that when spring gets here that you feel better.

I do understand the fatigue, that is my biggest problem. I hate being so tired, but I guess it is part of depression and fibro. I take adderall to keep me awake during the day. Maybe there is something that they could give you to help you. Though they will probably tell you to get out and get fresh air or something like that. It is usually a last resort.

Exercising often helps with fatigue. Getting your heart pumping. Sometimes I turn on the music and just dance and that helps. But walking is my best medicine. Also you might want to try some vitamin D3 or ginseng or something like that.

Either way, I hope that you feel better. It is almost the weekend and that will give you time to catch up on your rest.

I hope that you feel better soon. Let me know how you are doing. You can email me if you want to.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/6/2009 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
I am getting off my Lyrica because I have been taking it for 15 months and I cant tell anything anymore, if its even helping or not since I still feel bad..so Im weaning off right now in order to determine whether or not its worth taking it. Its been 2 weeks. Withdrawal has been beating me down horribly. for the past week I have been taking 225mg once every other day and The day that I skip it I feel okay because I had a dose the day before. BUT, the day I have to wait all day before I can take it...thats ROUGH on me. (thats today) I dont want to get out of bed, I dont want to go to school, I want to sleep, I feel really hot/flushed, very tired, I will be super hot/cold on the inside and the exact opposite on the outside. (cold while sweating, or hot with chills!) Its been horrible. But, I like the idea of becoming "clean" so to speak...

If I cant tell that its working, I just assume get off it for a while and see how things go...I can always get back on it if I choose to. Also, I have been thinking about my doctor about getting on the newly approved med, Savella(think thats it)

But, anyways, things just havent been good for me. Im plagued with random thoughts that are either negative or bad. (Karen I'll email you when I get home)

I just dont feel very..........worth anything, I suppose thats how I'd explain it... yea yea, you all will tell me how strong I am, or smart, and all that great stuff, and I appreciate it. But, its hard for me to see that a lot of the time. I know Im strong. I know I am smart. But, sometimes I feel like thats not enough or its not everything to me...even though it can take me as far as I wish to go...

Sometimes I ask myself "whats the point"? Why does it even matter? I feel I can accept any consequences that come to me...

Sometimes I dont make smart decisions. And I should be disappointed in myself for that, but the truth is... I just say "whatever" and brush it off. Its like I have a total disregard for myself anymore. I used to be so afraid of like ending up in a hospital or something because I would let me get to me. If that makes sense. But, now I just say "whatever" and I do whatever I want to do and I may be heading in that direction, but I dont care. Honestly, at this point it would almost be a good thing! Or so thats how I feel...... I dont even seem to care..

Karen, I do want to talk about some things more than this, so I will email you when I get home in about an hour.
Posted 3/6/2009 8:45 PM (GMT 0)

TENNISDOC,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

tRY AND MAKE YOURSELD GO FOR A WALK BEFORE LANDING IN BED. i FEEL LIKE GOING TO BED TOO SOMETIMES AND NOT GETTING UP BUT I HAVE KIDS AND I WANT TO BE THERE FOR THEIR NEEDS. wHEN I FEEL DOWN I TAKE A BRISK WALK AND IT DOES HELP.

iT ALSO HELPS TO TALK TO A FRIEND. fIND A FRIEND AT SCHOOL WHO YOU CAN TRUST AND CONNECT. iT WILL HELP THE LONELY PARTS.

tAKE THAT WALK!! yeah

Posted 3/7/2009 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Christi,
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. I'll be in the chat room if you want to jump in and chat. I understand what you're going through. I'm right there with you in a lot of senses. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day though!
Posted 3/7/2009 12:24 AM (GMT 0)

Christi,

I am sorry you are feeling down, and I understand that feeling of just wanting to sleep.  I have had those days but I finally just said enough......Stop this and get my self out of bed.

I would go to bed at 6:30 PM at night just so I could escape reality of how sad and down I was.

I was angry because the depression was dragging me down and how unfair that was and then I remembered that I am not the only person with depression and for 3 years I have been working on staying out of the pit.

So you my dear Christi, come on out of bed and back into the world.  You are strong and I know life seems unfair, I know this very well but I also know we can control how we deal with it and I am counting on you to fight my young friend.

Reach out, Christi, and grab the brass ring.  It is yours for the taking.

Luvs to you,

Kitt

Posted 3/7/2009 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
kitt, that was really inspiring of you... I only wish it were that simple.

It sounds easy, I did go to the park today and I wore my Heelies(shoes with a wheel in the heels for those who dont know) Anyways, I went around the track a few times. It builds tons of leg muscle thats for sure! But, it was nice being outside in the fresh air. It was around 70 today and felt amazing! Driving down the road with my sunroof open, feeling the breeze, smelling fresh air and freshly cut grass, painted picture in the sky! It was nice, I will admit. But, it only changed things for a moment...

The worst part is that I seem to not care. Im not sure why I've been EXTRA depressed lately....But, I know that I have been....

Anyways, Im thinking of going to hang with a friend...which sounds positive if only it werent a party....so I'll talk to you all later.

btw, thanks for everything. I did need some kind positive words... appreciate it..
Posted 3/7/2009 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
Christi,

I am so sorry that you have not been feeling well.  Boy, that feeling of diving under about three layers of blankets and never coming out is so familiar to me.  So familiar, because that is what I did for a couple of weeks last month.  Like you, I stopped caring.  I knew I should, I tried to make myself and couldn't.  So, I ignored everything around me.  In fact, I can't tell you how many times I have done that over the past three years.  ..And let me tell you, each time I did it made things that much more worse.  First, I almost flunked out of graduate school.  I was put on probation more times than I would ever like to admit.  Second, I got behind on my bills.  Third, I am now in foreclosure because I got behind on my bills and about 5 mortgage payments (yes, I am humbly trying to work through that now so I don't lose my home)......... In fact, you are are one that sent me a post inspiring me to call the creditors myself because they would know I cared.  How right you were and I can't tell you how much I wish I had listened.  What I'm saying in a very long way is, you need to get out of that bed.  If you don't care I can certainly understand that.  But try to make yourself pretend you do.  Don't lose everything you have worked so hard to get.  You have worked so hard to get and keep good grades and to get into college.  You don't want to jeopardize that!

You mentioned above that you did have a few good moments outside in your heelies and when driving.  Let those few good moments be inspirational for you.  You actually had them!!  I would kill for just a good few moments right now.  It means you are capable of having them and more will come again.  They are indeed there inside of you.

My young friend, you are wise beyond your years and have struggled and worked so hard.  I have been proud of you.  You are inspiring to me.  Stay away from that bed and make yourself go out and live.  You have a lot to offer and I know you will get lots in return!  Just be patient and give your new counselor some time along with considering your new meds.  Things will even out in time.

Cass

Posted 3/8/2009 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I think getting off my Lyrica has had something to do with my staying in bed...that and added stress, etc... But, yesterday was BEAUTIFUL here. It was in the 70s I wore shorts and shorts sleeves, I even played a little basketball in the road! That was fun. Im actually more sore now than when I was taking my Lyrica, but I guess Im still used to it. I had to work outside today and my knees wanted to die because I kept having to bend down picking up sticks. But, I have been outside ALOT. Unfortunately, its supposed to rain all week this week...yuck.

I also got my dad to agree to letting me plug my xbox and PS2 in to the livingroom tv! 50 something inch plasma flatscreen and recliners! He has never let me do this before....but, I think he did because he knows about my depression and I think he's making an effort to make me happier. Which was very cool! I been playing my dirtbike racing games because he knows how much I want to race myself, but nothing to ride...so when I sit close to the big tv its almost like Im there! Its very cool, so that did actually make me happier.

I didnt go party the other night because as much as I could use a drink, its NOT something I want to start doing because that will only make things worse. I stayed outside Friday evening all this weekend...not in the room! =]

Thanks Cass. Also, Im glad your working on keeping your home. I would HATE to see you lose it. Thanks for your words though. I actually cant wait to go see my therapist again... I feel she will be helpful...

Anyways, I've been okay this weekend. I just have to get through school...thats what worries me most I think.... its very difficult and Im so tired of going. Just 3 more months.... I cant wait...
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