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Should I get parents involved?

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Posted 3/6/2009 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I need some help with a question.  Should I confide in my wife's parents that she has been depressed for the last 6 months?  She is in denial but the marriage therapist we have been seeing said I could if I wanted. I love my wife and I don't want to make her upset, but the counseling isn't helping and she is getting more distant. I have a good relationship with her parents and I got word some months ago that her father thought she was acting different. She doesn't think she is depressed and she doesn't want to take any meds.

Thank you for your thoughts,

Lespaul 

Posted 3/6/2009 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
It might be good to get her parents involved, but I don't know if you should do it behind her back. She might feel betrayed. Hopefully more people will come on with some better advice. I am really not sure what you should do.

Sorry that I am not much help here.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/7/2009 12:51 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Lespaul,

I agree with Karen, don't go behind your wife's back but having her parents support for her and for you would be helpful.  Remember thow that most parents will side with their child. So do think through this carefully and if your wife says no, you may have to respect that unless she becomes a danger to herself.

Have to ask...........do you play guitar smhair   Your name of course.

Take care and you have my support.

Hugs
Kitt

Posted 3/7/2009 12:15 PM (GMT 0)
 Lespaul I probably would go to her parents but it really would depend on what her parents are like . I know that the other 2 replies did not think you should go behind her back but because she is in denial I would really have to pray about how I dealt with it. It will be hard to reason with her if she isnt convinced she has depression .The way I see it if a person was in denial for another illness that will worsen without help or medication and there  is a chance that someone else close to her can get through to her I probably wouldnt be trying to convince her to agree with me to get those others involved. If your situation is any thing like my which it seems to be the more that comes from you the more she will push you away. Lespaul I put my email on profile so if you do ever need some one to vent with from a Christian point of view please feel free to email me. I am praying for you .

Posted 3/7/2009 3:14 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm still praying about it, I don't want to go behind her back.  I'm waiting for Lord to do something.... Because it really has gotten to the point that when I try to rush and do something it usually backfires on me.  I need to trust the Lord and not lean on my own understanding.  I have asked my wife about feelings of suicide and she has denied any. However, she got a little upset about me asking, "I'm not depressed!". My wife is a new ICU nurse so it's a little hard trying to tell her stuff "I know what depression is and I'm not depressed!" Anyway thankyou for hearing me out, I'm gonna wait through the weekend and see what happens. Thanks Cowboy up I am also praying for you. I am tempted to run tell her parents but I really feel that I need to step back and watch the Master work a little longer.

Yes Kitt I do play guitar.

 Lespaul 

Posted 3/7/2009 4:03 PM (GMT 0)

Lespaul 

Good Morning.  I just wanted you to know I am praying for you and your wife too.
 

Something caught my eye in your post, " My wife is a new ICU nurse "  I was in her shoes at one time and nursing is a stressful job both emotinally and physically.

As a new ICU nurse I was scared to death, it was my dream job but I was so afraid I would make a mistake.  I had some excellent mentors so I made it through and  deveoped confidence in my skills and never lost site of the patient and their family but I did bring a lot of it home with me.

Could it be that your wife is just frightened and needs to talk to her nursing supervisor to get feed back that she is new at the job and it takes up to a year sometimes to feel really comfortable in a new position?

I just thought I would throw this out there as food for thought.

Bless you both,

Kitt

Posted 3/7/2009 6:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Kitt,

I hear what you are saying, I thought that was all it was about 6 months ago, but she had a dramatic change in her personality when she was told at her first ICU job that "maybe she wasn't cut out for the ICU" She had wen't through alot to get that position at that hospital. It was all she dreamed about while she was in school. After she was told that she came home that night with tears in her eyes and told me that she had decided  to quit. I felt at the time that this was not like her, but because she has Lupus I thought maybe this was a good thing for her to do, since stress is not good for her. I'm sure you are wondering why she chose nursing as a profession. You just have to know my wife had something to prove that her disease would not keep her down. Looking back I wish I had encouraged her more to keep that job and prove that supervisor wrong. But, after that night she stopped talking to me and over the course of the next few weeks she told me that she wasn't attracted to me anymore and that she had felt that way for about 2 years. I have read "Depression Fallout" and found out this shocking change in behavior is somewhat typical of spouses who are depressed. She even seems less excited toward her dogs. Two Jack Russel's who were her world. The week before my wife's change she sat in my lap while i was working on the computer( which she did quite often to get my attention ) and told me how much she loved me and told me that she wanted to buy me a guitar to reward me for all the overtime I did while she was in school. How I wish My love would come back to me! Now when I try to hold her she draws away but she tells me she doesn't know why. 

Thank you for the time to vent a little, I'm just gonna stay and love her even if she can't give any back.

Lespaul      

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