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words that hurt - what not to say

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Posted 3/8/2009 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
What are some of the things people should NOT say to people with depression?  Is there anything in particular that a person CAN say that would be helpful/supportive?  What would it feel like if people thought you would feel better if you just took the dog for a walk?  (you get the idea on that one)
Posted 3/8/2009 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Something NOT to say: just get over it, pull your self out of it and stop being so stupid,It's all in your head. As with everyone have a nice day is always nice to hear.


Dawn
Posted 3/8/2009 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
I am always suggesting walking for people with depression. But walking is a good thing and it always makes me feel better. I think the worst thing that I have heard when depressed is somebody asking 'what is wrong with you now?'. I hated when my late husband would always ask me that. emphasis on the 'now'. I felt like I was nothing but a problem.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/8/2009 3:59 PM (GMT 0)

Here are a few suggestions for you...............

What you can say that helps:

  • You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
  • You many not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
  • I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel but I care about you and want to help.
  • You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
  • Tell me what I can do now to help you.
  • I am here for you. We will get through this together.

What NOT to say:

  • It’s all in your head. Just snap out of it.
  • We all go through times like these. You’ll be fine.
  • Look on the bright side.
  • You have so much to live for.
  • I can’t do anything about your situation.
  • What’s wrong with you? Shouldn’t you be better by now? Adapted from the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Posted 3/16/2009 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
I always am tired of people say "you are strong you will be ok". Well can they not understand I am tired of having to be strong. They have never suffered the losses and stresses I have. Even though everyone has something Do not Tell people they are strong. To my ears that translates to "suck it up and go on", Hey if I could do that I would not be here or on the meds.
Posted 3/16/2009 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
I get the following from a family member every time we speak (which is rare, thank goodness): "Why are you so ungrateful for what you have? You could be ____________ (fill in the blank with "homeless", "alone and starving somewhere", "terminally ill", "still living with your ex-husband", etc.)." Of course I am GLAD I am not in those circumstances, but hearing statements like that makes me feel like this person is dismissing my sadness as some sort of little thing I like to indulge in, because I'm spoiled or selfish, as if I could just 'snap out of it'. It feels like a real slap in the face.
Posted 3/16/2009 2:45 PM (GMT 0)

thisbites,

Wondering if you are still struggling with your b/f?

Kitt

Posted 3/16/2009 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
I always hate it when someone says something along the lines of "well everyone has stress and feels bad, thats just life" That one is particularly bad because it erases hope of things getting better and says you are weaker than everyone else. Also it personally makes me feel like my depression is just a result of my own laziness or incompetence. Which I still actually feel might be true. Maybe everything that is making me sad or stressed I have brought upon myself due to my lack of will and self-control. Ugh.
Posted 3/17/2009 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your replies and thank you Kitt for asking about my boyfriend.  The answer to that I guess would be yes.  Since I have been sending him an occasinal text and initially e-mails for the last seven months I guess since it has been recommended by many that I stop - that the ball is in his court - I feel like I should send him a last text and tell him that I'm not going to bug him anymore but if he ever wants a sober person to do something with to just holler.  I don't know......what do you guys think?  I am finally to the point where maybe I am accepting that we are never to be?? I don't think he is better.  I really don't know what to do anymore - give up - wait - etc.
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