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Posted 3/25/2009 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
So....I'm 21 years old....I have never been officially diagnosed as depressed.....BUT....I am...and I just need a little support.

I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years....and its killing me. I love him with all of my heart, but I get no love in return. I get shot down, constantly.

I'm just not good enough.

Everything I say or do is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I used to  when I was younger. Not to die...just to take the focus off of the emotional pain. I'll take physical pain over a breaking heart any day.

I was good for a while. I tried real hard to be happy and cheerful and optomistic...but it's falling apart.

I'm pretty sure he's cheating....I have some evidence....but when I bring it up he just gets really defensive and turns it around on me.

And I'm the piece of crap.

I'm worthless to him....

I have no friends....I have nothing. I feel like nothing. I don't have a shoulder to lean on. The one person in the world who should be my shoulder could give a crap less about how I feel. He just cuts me to pieces and I feel like I'm regressing.

Because I want to  again.

I want to take away this pain.

I'm so tired of being tired and sad and having no motivation.

I feel like giving up.

I really do.

I'm too embarassed to go seek professional help.

Because it's not just him that makes me feel this way.

It's me.

I can't stand to see what I see in the mirror.

It's pathetic.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/25/2009 1:59:32 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/25/2009 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
One, you are not pathetic. You are in a situation that makes you feel that way. It sounds like this relationship is really bringing you down. Do you think maybe you should take a break from it and step back and see if it's right for you? Sometimes being outside you see what you really were going through. A relationship should be helpful, and you should be able to turn to your significant other for support. I'm sorry that he's not there for you.

You shouldn't be embarrased to seek professional help though. Sometimes we just need a little help to learn how to deal with our situations. You really should think about going to someone for help. If you don't though, you can turn here, and there will be someone to encourage you and help.

You are a worthy person, and you deserve happiness. If that takes getting help to get there, maybe that's what you need to consider.

I hope things get better for you. Hang in there!
Posted 3/25/2009 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
The only thing worse than feeling lonely is feeling lonely WITH someone. Your always hoping for support and understanding that rarely or never happens and it makes you feel even worse. Being alone is not easy but once you make that decision to cut the ties with someone who is stealing your spirit you will begin to recover. Take some time alone and learn about yourself. Cry when you feel like crying or scream if you feel like screaming. Do something kind for someone in need with your free time and you'll start feeling a sense of purpose and strength. Don't be ashamed of your weaknesses. In fact, wear them like a badge of honor and you'll start seeing that others have the same fears and weaknesses as you. Keep coming to sites like this for support from others who know exactly what your feeling but don't continue to tolerate the ignorance of those who just dont understand. You can't change them so stop trying.
Posted 3/25/2009 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
Don't be afraid to seek medical help. I was embarassed too at first. The only difference is I thought there was no reason I should be depressed, and I knew that very insignificant things were upsetting me. I was also afraid of what I was going to be diagnosed with...I was very afraid of being bi polar. I promise that if you go see a "family doctor" that 1. you're probably not going to be diagnosed with anything and 2. you're probably not going to be referred to a psychiatrist, maybe a counselor at most because of your issues with your boyfriend. My family doctor is simply trying to provide me the medication that I need to be functional. It is a hit and miss process, but I can guarantee you that it is worth it. I think that I may have finally found the right meds for me. And I'm sure you will too. Just to go a family doctor and see what options are right for you, and schedule follow up visits so you can let your doctor know exactly how you feel on whatever medication you choose.
Posted 3/25/2009 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
My importantly, dont be embarrassed. Your human. We are all human, we just cope and deal in different ways. We all go through hard times and thats nothing to be ashamed of. We cant always control how we feel or our emotions.

You know its a problem and is affecting your life. I think that would be time to seek some help. I was a cutter also, but I didnt want to resort to that again, eventually I started seeing a therapist and its been really good. Its different than I thought it would be, but I would suggest that you seek help from a family doctor or a counselor. Most likely a doc will "try" something to see if it helps and if it doesnt they will either try something else or refer you to someone whom can better help you. Thats a good thing because you want the best care. You deserve to be happy and it doesnt sound like you are.

My opinion would be to seek help. In the mean time, we are here for you. We will be a shoulder for you to lean on here. You can talk to us if you need to and vent about things if you need to. Theres no shame in honesty. Take Care
Posted 3/25/2009 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Eyeslikeholes,

First of all, welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. Everybody here is so kind and compassionate, and they really do understand what you are going through.

I think that the members are right when they say to start working on yourself and seperate yourself from this person who is hurting you so. You will get stronger and see him for who he is. And that is not a very good person. You don't deserve to be treated the way that you are.

Stick with us and we will help you get on your way to healing. This is a wonderful place for support.

I hope that you can start feeling better about yourself. You are worthy and you are loved.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/25/2009 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
Love shouldn't hurt so much, sounds like you deserve better and you are worthy of better. I would try to move on with your life without him and work on yourself. Focus on getting the help you need to overcome all of your issues and learn to love yourself. Getting help was the best thing I ever did and I understand that it's scary. But you can benefit so much from it. Try to just take one day at a time and be very straight forward with whoever you choose to see. Hang in there, we care and are here for you! Keep with us! Hugs to you.
Posted 3/25/2009 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
I think that you would gain some insight if you took a look at this link. I recieve a newletter via email from psychcentral.com each month and I just got a new one today, but I seen an article titled something like "need help but too ashamed..." But, when I seen it, it reminded me of your post that I had read early. Anyways heres the link

http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2009/03/23/need-help-but-too-ashamed-to-get-it/

I hope this helps some as well. Take Care

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