Im falling apart

Ok first off im really new to this so i dont really know where to start but here is the jist of my most recent depression....

ive been crying for almost 3 hours now and i dont see a stop to it anytime soon.....i feel absolutely miserable right now....My mom just spent this past weekend in the hospital because she is basically dieing....My ex girl friend just kinda came back into my life but the problem is she is dating this guy who seems like a really nice guy and everything but like seriously im in love with this girl like completely in love have been forever...and like when we were dating i told her i loved her and now to not be able to tell her anymore and not be able to hug her and kiss her its just really hard for me...i keep falling deeper and deeper into depression and i dont feel like im going to get any better for a long time and i mean a long time i mean for **** sake ive been trying to move on and get past this for almost 5 months now....and i just cant and like there is nothing i can do to get her back and it hurts so much too see her with another person....i just cant take all of this anymore i just want everything to go away...i just need someone to hold me and tell me they love me and make me feel better but the last person i had that could do that is gone forever in someone elses arms.......i hate everything right i just want to stop crying....

Hi Superdepressed,

Welcome to HW. I'm very sorry to know about your mother's condition. It's really hard to see your parent seriously ill, and even harder if you've been given little or no hope for their recovery. I hope that the hospital staff are keeping her comfortable, and that you are able to see her and spend time with her.

I'm also sorry for the pain you are going through with respect to your ex-girlfriend. I'm not sure why the two of you broke up in the first place, but I do understand how it feels to love someone who doesn't feel the same way. You say that she is 'kinda' back in your life....do you mean as a friend? Would her friendship to you be a good source of support, or do you think it would be too hard for you to have her as just a friend?

I think Jamiee is right about talking to your doctor, SD. Sometimes when we are depressed, it's helpful to have the aid of medication and/or counseling to pull us through it, and your doctor could give you a hand with that. You are going through a lot right now, and you deserve support and a helping hand.

Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing.

Hey superdepressed,

 

Welcome to HW.  I have been in the same place as you many times, crying for hours for different reasons. The tears are cleansing as long as you can get past them and move on.

 

I am so sorry about your Mom.  I have a sister that is dying of cancer and a brother that died last week so I can empathize with you.

Again welcome

Kitt

Hi again, Super,

I understand what you mean about your ex, and how the sadness you feel about your situation with her is making things so hard for you. I wonder if there are any community resources for mental health in your area, where you could call and talk to someone? Also, when you're at the hospital with your mom, perhaps you could ask one of the medical staff there if they know of anything like that. I know it must seem very bleak to you right now with all that you are dealing with, but please don't give up hope, Super. It's good that you came here to talk to us, too, and I know that the members here will support you in whatever way they can. I would like to hear more about it, if you feel like talking about it.

Well, I think it's good that you are going back to school.....that's a positive thing, and I think you should be proud of yourself for making that effort with all that's going on in your life. I have had to deal with depression for a long time, too, and I know that it can be a struggle. Just know we are here to listen. I hope today goes well for you as you start back at school. Please keep us posted as you feel up to it. Good luck today.

Anytime!

Sorry for your whole situation. I can't say I know what you've been through, but I'll keep you in my prayers. start by getting some counseling and seeing a doctor. get some sunshine, and post on here. it's always easier said than done, but we (depressed people) got to dig down deep and claw our way back up. I know you will win.

Hi Super,

That's really bad luck about the grammar question on your quiz.  I'm sorry it happened. 

For the record, I don't think you're wasting anyone's time, and I don't think any of us should make comparisons about whose problem is more important, because....after all.....when we are suffering from depression, it's always important to find a way to feel better and heal ourselves.

I hope you will give some thought to the idea of finding a community resource for counseling, or perhaps a referral from the hospital where your mother is right now.  Or maybe there is something available through your school.  I don't mean to belabour the point....but I do care about the fact that you are dealing with so much stress, and want you to have the best help possible.

Please don't turn to substance abuse to escape your pain, Super.  I can tell you from past experience that it only makes everything much more difficult.  You deserve to have real healing and support.

thank you again Raniah ive been searching for local free groups and stuff and like the only ones i can find are christian youth groups and stuff like that and ive tried that kinda of thing before too and seeing as i tried the whole faith in god or some higher power thing before and all it did was give me false hope and a huge crash back down to depression again....i dont think that would be the best idea for me this time...i truly feel i just need extreme professional help or someone to fall in love with me and be able to comfort me...like ok lemme try and kinda explain how my brain works on a small lvl....I grew up as an only child for 7 years my parents never got married there was always fighting and really never any love to give... my father was always verbally and physically abusive to me and still is to this day...(i havnt seen or talk to him in 2 years and we only live 30 miles from each other) my mom had another child when i was seven with my step father that turned my whole world even more upside down because any bit of love i was getting even if it was a little bit instantly went away from me and into my little brother....now dont get me wrong i love my little brother and he deserved all the love he got but it hurt to lose everything at once....you know? anyways since 4th grade ive been picked and bullied on school i didnt get my first girlfriend till i was 17 and that only lasted for 2 months ive had a total of 4 relationships and all but one of those relationships has ended due to them cheating on me....this ex-girlfriend i refer to being the only one that never cheated on me...i also lost my virginity to her.... ever since i could have a gf my mind has clung to the fact that i could get love from someone else....and now that i no longer have a gf i feel like any love in my life has once again disappeared ....like if i dont have someone that can tell me they love me on a daily bases and someone that i can tell this same thing back to and hold and hug and kiss and show affection to i feel miserable....i only truly feel alive when i am with someone and i dont know why this is and i wish i could find happiness in something else but for some reason i just cant....

blah anyways yeah....idk

Hi Super,

Here are a couple of sites that are absolutely free for you to check out.

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that this helps you some.

Hugs, Karen

Hi again, Super,

I have found, in my own trials with depression, that sometimes I have to get involved with an activity (even when I don't feel like it) before I start to get interested again and feel enjoyment out of it. In other words, sometimes the 'doing' part has to come before the 'feeling like it' part. You might find, if you can make the effort, that once you get involved with something.....whether it be the bmx'ing or something else....you will start to develop an interest in it again. I know how much you want to be in a relationship right now, but see if you can get into something in the meantime, even for a small part of the day, that will take your mind off your troubles. You might find that once you start feeling better and enjoying something on your own, that someone will cross your path when you least expect it. People seem to be attracted to others when they appear to have some interests of their own and different things going on in their life. Give it a shot, and think of something you could try in the next couple of days. I hope that the links Karen posted for you will be helpful.

Hey, Super....don't worry about me, I'm a patient person. I do believe, if you take some time to think about it, you'll come up with something you can do that will be enjoyable and not cost a lot of money. Take a look in the newspaper, or at the library, or even on bulletin boards in public buildings, supermarkets, etc. for ideas and advertisements about things going on where you live. Check out the internet for discussion groups on things that you might like to do. I know you are back in school now, but are you interested in maybe getting a part-time job on some evenings or the weekends? Just a few thoughts for you to consider. And speaking of school.....maybe there is something there, as far as groups or extracurriculars, that might be of interest to you. Take some time and think about it.....I know you can do this!

I know it's tough times out there in the job world right now.  Maybe I shouldn't have brought that issue up!  I completely understand why that would be depressing.  (I'm just going to leave that one on the back burner for now!) Getting back to the hobby issue, I hope very much that you will find something that interests you.  I really feel confident in you, Super.  Let me know how it goes.