I need some help...

Hi Thend,

I'm sorry you are so unhappy. Can you explain a little about what is going on that is affecting you and your relationship?

Hi again, Thend,

I wonder if maybe you should try confiding in your girlfriend about how much you are hurting on the inside. I understand why you don't want to "wreck it" when things are going well, but you also said that when things are going badly, she doesn't understand the severity of the situation. Honesty and communication are really important in a relationship, and I think you should give her a chance and tell her what is really going on with you.

If you think you are suffering from depression and need some help, I would encourage you to talk to your doctor and see if you can get some counseling. I have been in that dark place myself, Thend, where I was miserable about my life and about myself, and I have found that counseling has really helped me a lot.

As far as letting your loved ones down, and not meeting their expectations, I will say this: I know how important it feels to be who and what everyone wants you to be, but the most important thing is that you find a way to be happy with yourself. Parents and other family members and friends usually want us to be happy more than anything else, and I wonder if maybe you should start talking to your loved ones about how you feel, and why you think you might be letting them down. Again, communication is key.

My heart goes out to you, Thend, and I hate to see you hurting like this. I hope you will consider finding someone professionally to talk to, so that you can find a way to feel better and move forward with your relationships in a healthy way. And welcome to HW...it's a wonderful place to talk to people. I hope you will keep posting.

Hi Thend,

Can you think of a time when you did feel good about yourself, or about something that you did? I'm sure you can think of at least a few good qualities that you have (hey, we all have them!). I can tell already that you care very much about your loved ones, and I think that is a wonderful quality. Also, you have recognized that you want some help, and want to love yourself again, and you have reached out for it. That takes courage, and that's another great quality. Do you have certain things that you enjoy doing, like a hobby or an activity or something at work/school that gets your attention?

Obviously, you have great care for others, and I can see that from your posts and what you chose as your field of study at school. I am so impressed by that. Studying to be an EMT is an excellent choice, I think, for someone who has compassion for others. Being on time also shows that you have respect for others and their feelings. You should feel very proud of that, Thend. Being able to reach out to others, in your career and in life, is so important.

Do you have a friend that you hang out with, someone at school or outside of school, who you confide in about things?

Hi Thend,

You are welcome. I understand why you ask that question......and it seems to me that a lot of people who are really good at caring for others don't get as much support as they need in return. Maybe that is because a lot of 'caregiving' types don't feel as comfortable being on the receiving end. Or maybe it is because they are more concerned about others than themselves. There comes a time, however, when we all need to be cared for and supported, and sometimes we have to communicate that to people, as much as it is uncomfortable to do so. I know you have already said you don't feel you can talk to your loved ones because they won't take you seriously. Maybe you should give them another chance to be there for you. I think you are right in what you said in your last post....when the time comes that you and your girlfriend are speaking to each other again, you should probably tell her what is going on with you and your feelings. The way I look at the whole 'caring for others' situation is this: You cannot adequately give to others with an empty cup, and it is only when your cup is full that you can share what you have with the world in a healthy way. You deserve to have that full cup, Thend! I don't know what to suggest about counseling beyond what I said before, and I don't know what resources are available to you in your community or through school counseling services, but I hope you will give it some more thought. In the meantime, I hope you will keep posting here on the Depression forum. It's really good to get your feelings out and talk about things.

Hi Thend,

I understand what you are getting at. It's hard for a lot of us, I think, to let our guard down and show our true feelings to others when we feel that we are in need. Maybe you can think of it this way.....wouldn't your girlfriend rather know that you trust her enough to confide in her? And isn't it possible that your relationship might deepen and become stronger if you were able to be honest about your feelings? Just a thought. Please don't be embarrassed about asking for help. In my opinion, it takes maturity, strength and courage to ask for help, and you should feel proud that you have that level of self-awareness and that inner strength.

Hi Thend,

I think a lot of us worry about having some of the negative traits that our parent/parents had. However, awareness of your behaviour, and knowing when you are saying or doing something that is not in line with who you really are inside, is the most important step you can take to remaining true to yourself and the "honest, loving, trustworthy, hardworking, goodhearted" person you have described yourself to be. I think you are still that person inside, Thend. It's common, I think, to feel like a slacker and feel like you don't care when you're depressed and dealing with emotional stress. That doesn't mean that you're not still YOU on the inside. I know you are upset about things you have said and done up to this point, but try to remember that today is different. You are here, talking about your situation, and it seems to me that you are taking steps to move forward. I'm glad you are considering talking to your girlfriend and opening up to her. You still have a chance to show her, and the world, all those great qualities that you know you have inside.

Hi Thend,

Have you told your girlfriend, truthfully, what you did and why you did it?

What was her reaction? Did she believe you?

Well, it sounds to me like you have 'fessed up and done what you can do for the time being. From what you've written, it seems that it is up to your girlfriend to decide whether or not she will be able to trust you in the future. Give her some time. I am glad that you have been honest with the other girl about why you cannot continue to communicate with her right now. The best thing you can do, I think, is to give your girlfriend whatever time and space she needs, and to try....as best you can...to focus on your EMT studies and anything else that is important to you or gives meaning or happiness to you. I know you are in pain over this, and want desperately to DO something more.....but I think your girlfriend probably needs some time to herself to deal with her own emotions. Try to move forward from this point, and remember all the good things you have posted about yourself here. I know you like to focus on taking care of others, but remember to take care of yourself, too.

Hi Thend,

If you feel that you should talk to her about it, then follow your heart. I hope your next conversation with her goes really well.

You're welcome, Thend. Let us know how it goes!