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Posted 4/8/2009 2:26 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Thend,

I have been reading your posts and I see that you want counseling and you can't afford it.

Here are some free sites that might help you...

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I hope that this helps you.  I see that you got some good advice from Raniah.  I am so happy.  I hope that these sites will help you too.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 4/8/2009 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen i really appreciate all the help that im getting here from everyone
Posted 4/8/2009 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome, I hope the sites help you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/8/2009 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Me to.....but lookng over them, i cant help but notice that i cant talk to a real person like i can here and get real feedback......so i dont know.....ill give it a try though
Posted 4/8/2009 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
I think it is great that you are going to try it. I am happy that you gare getting good feedback here too.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/8/2009 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
ok so now anther thing as i write this..i cant help but cry.... just the idea of me wishing to be forgiven by my gf brings tears to my eyes....i just want to be forgiven.....i want to tel the truth....i want to open up......i want her to listen to me and my cries im trying to be open with her reaching for help but it doesnt work what do i do....... how do i get that forgivness.... cause i think that is the underlying cause for my resentment torwards myself.....i dunno though
Posted 4/8/2009 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
thend

Good Morning and I am so glad Karen posted the CBT and the ecouch sites for you.  They are not to take the place of coming here to talk with all of us.

They are both about free self help programs online.  The idea being if you have no access to a therapist you can work the programs online to learn about yourself and help yourself change how you think.

MoodGYM is an innovative, interactive web program designed to prevent depression. It is a free self help program to teach cognitive behaviour therapy skills to people vulnerable to depression and anxiety.

I am working through the program slow but sure and it truly does open your eyes to how you think about what is happening in your life and your own reactions to the routines of everyday life.

Please do give it a try and continue to count on us at the same time.

Peace,

Kitt

Posted 4/8/2009 12:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I know you want forgiveness from your girlfriend. I do understand that it is weighing heavily on your mind right now. I think you still need to give your girlfriend a little time to sort through her feelings, and to settle down a bit after the blow-up you two had. She has heard your explanation of things, and she knows that you want to make it up to her, so IMO you really need to try to be patient with her and give her some time to come around. And while you are waiting patiently for your girlfriend, try to find a way to forgive yourself, Thend. You did some things that you feel you shouldn't have, and you were initially dishonest about them with your girlfriend, but you have done your best to tell her the truth and to rectify the situation. Now you are starting a new day. See what you can do to focus on yourself and your happiness today. :-)
Posted 4/8/2009 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
With all the support from you Kitt and you Raniah its been a big help i woke up feeling better this morning jsut knowing that when i got on i knew that i would have some advice and support waiting to be seen.....im gonna go to those self help sites and start working on them...the help would be great for me i know it...i reached out to my mother again last night and she got it....she finally really understood how bad i've been feeling...she knows i need help now and im taken seriously....that alone made me feel better........ i stilll got alot to work on but im making some progress...still a long way to go though....so thanks everyone who has replied to this and in the chat room....i appreciate all the help so much
Posted 4/8/2009 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

You sound so much better today. That is wonderful. And I am glad that you are going to use the sites that I posted for you. Keep up the good work. Be patient with yourself and take things one day at a time.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/8/2009 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I agree with Karen....you sound so much better today. I am very glad that you reached out to your mom and told her how you are feeling, and I'm sure she is glad you did, too. Good for you. I'm so proud of you for doing this!!!! Please keep us posted.
Posted 4/8/2009 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Absolutely.... i feel alot better today....knowing that im not so alone any more....thanks everyone, ill make sure to keep you all informed of whats going on.
Posted 4/9/2009 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
ok so tonight around 5ish my time i went to the park to meet with my gf...to tell her about my problem since she didnt know....i told her everything how i hurt inside how i dislike and resent myself...and how i want her forgivness..... i reached out it felt good..... but im not sure what she is gonna do...im scared alot and im hoping that i wont loose her....but i got that vibe...she thinks that im just this horrible person now and not the same person i was when we first met....i know im still good hearted and trust worthy....and everything else...i lost it and im not sure if im that person right now but i have to hang on right? i mean cant quit like that poem..... im having a hard time right now im sad close to tears..... i dont want to loose her....she means so much to me..... its so hard to try and fix yourself seek the help that i need and to save our relationship..... but like everyone has said i need to love myself first befoore i can love others.... cant you work on both at the same time? i dunno i mean maybe she just needs time to process what i said.....my intention was to just be honest let her in, let her know whats has happened to me and for her to know that im on the path to solve my issue....in the end i guess i can at least say i had the courage to do that right to reach out to her? she is still so mad at me though, but i guess i just give it time...ill keep you all posted and feel free to comment on anything thanks everyone..
Posted 4/9/2009 5:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I think it's good that your girlfriend was willing to meet with you in person. I can't say what she will decide to do in the long run, but at least it seems that she cares about hearing you out. That's the first step. I know it took a lot of courage to tell her about your feelings and what is going on inside you, and I think you should feel really good about that. It takes a really strong person to admit what is going on and to talk about their feelings. You are right....you shouldn't give up on yourself, and you shouldn't quit. You really do need to give this some time, and let her sort out her feelings. The important thing is that you were open and honest with her. I think what you did is amazing.....good for you, my friend.
Posted 4/9/2009 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
I think that when you start working on yourself, the rest will fall into place for you. So keep trying and remember that we are always here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/10/2009 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
You both are so right... tonight we met... she asked me some questions about some issues i had with that friend that was formerly in the picture...... i had the courage to tell her everything despite how afraid i was....and i was very afraid.. but i did and it worked out fine, she thanked me for telling her cause i told her the truth and i didn't let my fear or insecurities get the best of me.... im so happy right now working on myself has helped things a lot. they seem to slowly be falling in place... she is still upset with me but i get the feeling that she is willing to work things out with me and to be there and stand by my side.... i owe alot of thanks to you all here at HW who have replied to my posts and to those that have helped me in the chat room.... i love you all so very much..... i had the strength inside me this entire time and you all have helped me find another part of me again.....there are still pieces missing but with all the support and suggestions from all of you im sure that i can find the rest in due time...... I'm looking for a counselor right now and i was given this card by my gf in fact that had free services so m going to pursue that.....ill keep you all posted on whats going on in my life....thanks again everyone tongue yeah yeah yeah
Posted 4/10/2009 11:57 PM (GMT 0)

Thend,

It was great seeing you in chat today.  I am so proud and happy for you, reading your post, and seeing how you told your girlfriend the truth, and followed through with courage and strength.  I knew you could do it!!!  And great news about plans to see a counselor.....I think that is wonderful.  I am totally thrilled for you, and have so much respect for what you are doing.  Thank you for keeping us posted.  I am looking forward to hearing more! 

All the best.  :-)

Posted 4/14/2009 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone just wanted to let you all know that everything is going good been having some net problems at my end so being on the net will at time be sporatic but besides that hope everyone is doing good and taking care of themselves...
Posted 4/14/2009 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I'm so glad you posted, and happy to know that everything is going well for you. (I was wondering about that earlier today!) Good luck with the net problems, and best wishes for all that you're working on.
Posted 4/14/2009 4:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I too am so glad that you posted. And happy that everything is going good for you. I hope that this continues and that you get your net problems fixed.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/14/2009 6:04 AM (GMT 0)
Wow....talk about a change in pace.....everything is going good for the most part....but a part of me it seems like i am replaceable to my gf thats how i feel anyway.....and in a way she makes me feel like that......i try to talk to her and stuff but she only gives me the minimal effort.....i dont see her throwing 100% into things with me anymore not often anyways......what does this mean? dont get me wrong...im very happy with the progress that i have made.... so very happy i've seen little bits of who i was inside my personality and im hanging on to those little bits....but this i dunno i email her (my phone is busted and acts weird) like tonight i told her dinner plans with my dad were off and she knew how much i looked forward to them ( i think she did anyways maybe she didnt) and then i asked if she still wanted to do something tomorrow all she said was "sure" just "sure" i dont know i just dont want to feel like im second best.... cause im trying so hard....i dont want to feel replaceable confused
Posted 4/14/2009 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

We can't hold others responsible for how we feel. It jsut sounds like she is being casual with the relationship. She said sure whtn you wanted to go out even though your plans gpt changed for the day before. Sure means yes. Maybe she didn't sound too enthusiastic about it or something, but she still said yes. Maybe she was tired when you talked to her, so she didn't sound too excited about it. You are reading too much into what other's are thinking. Take things at face value at best.

Other people have moods, things might not be going so well for her that day. So maybe she had other things on her mind. You got to remember not to let other people to be able to control your moods. So look forward to seeing her and take it from there. I am sure she will be happy to see you.

People can be so complexed or so easy to read, it depends on their moods and the depth of their thinking. You can't take it at face value. And you can't read too much into it. So where does that leave you. It leaves you dealing with only your moods. And we are responsible for our own moods. I guess that I am trying to say that not only can we not hold others responsible for our moods, we can't be responsible for theirs either. So we are only responsible for ourselves. Sure you can go out of your way to make somebody feel bad, though I know that you would never do that, but it is up to them whether they are going to let you manipulate their mood. I feel like I am repeating myself. I just want you to know that even though she didn't sound too excited, doesn't mean that she doesn't want to see you. I am sure that she does.

I hope that you have a wonderful day Thend. And I hope that you enjoy your Saturday with your gf.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/14/2009 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

Karen has given you some really good advice here. The only other thing I can add is this: you and your girlfriend have been through a tough situation, and she is probably still trying to come to grips with everything and recover her trust after what happened. It sounds to me like she still has feelings for you and is interested in pursuing the relationship, so try (if you can) to give her some time to get past the hurt and get comfortable in her feelings again. I'm glad you're still posting here, and I hope you'll continue to keep us posted. We care about you!
Posted 4/15/2009 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
does she have a lot on her plate thend?

if she does, maybe she's just having difficulty finding the balance between her own responsibilities and your relationship. she probably still loves you, otherwise she wouldn't still be with you. she may just be having difficulty having the mental focus to give what you expect back from the relationship. If you feel strong enough to do it, talk to her. You're probably afraid to lose her, but you're likely better off to know if she's just not happy or if it's things outside of the relationship that're getting to her.

Post Edited (Abe12) : 4/14/2009 7:08:08 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/15/2009 4:02 AM (GMT 0)
Ya...your right i shouldnt read to much into what people say because what you said is true...she does have alot on her plate.... i did get the chance to talk with her about it and ya its all ok...i guess i just freaked out anyways.... had a day with her today we went to the river...it was alot of fun...and we ended up having a very wonderful day.....ill keep posting dont worry about that....its the least i could do for all the help you all have given me
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