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I am the Depressed Spouse.

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Posted 4/25/2009 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Family,

We have had so many posts from  members with depressed spouses that it has brought me to tears.  I am the depressed spouse at our house and I am so very thankful for a loving husband who married me for better or worse. You see he has Crohn's disease and I deal with a lot of his issues and have learned about his illness and work hard at trying to support him.  He can get anrgy and upset over his disease and I am the one he will vent to so I call it a draw at our house.

Depression is not something anyone would choose but unless you have experienced it you could not truly know what it feels like.  Those of us with depression do not want to feel the way we do and we do work hard at fighting this mental health disorder. 

If you're depressed, you'll know exactly what it feels like, but putting it into words is rarely easy. If you're the friend, relation or colleague of a depressed person, it can be very hard to understand exactly what's happening. To sum it up in one word, depression is Hell.

Depending on whether the sufferer is experiencing mild or major depression, the actual strength of the feelings will vary, but the principle is the same - a confusing maelstrom of powerful negative emotions makes everyday tasks seem pointless. The sufferer is permanently miserable, and although in many cases they'll realise that there's no logical reason for them to feel so low, there's very little they can do about it because the emotions in their head are so powerful

Imagine going through day-to-day life, with nothing apparently wrong, but feeling as though every one of your closest relatives has suddenly died, leaving you totally alone. The experience often gets better in the late evening, but returns, just as strong, the following day. Quotes from depressed people compare the experience to;

  • a slow crawl through Hell
  • being a leaf in a strong wind
  • being trapped inside my own head
  • watching a film of my life
  • going through a dark grey shadow of life
  • looking over the suicide cliff
  • seeing the world through a plate of dark glass
  • being a kite in a hurricane - I daren't let go of the string

Please don't toss us aside because we can be difficult to live with.  We truly want to be happy and at times we are very happy.  If you think we don't love you because we have depression you could be very wrong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=426RPll-9qI

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.  I am a true advocate of all mental health issues. 

May you walk in peace,

Kitt

    Posted 4/25/2009 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
    Well said Kitt. ((((Hugs))))
    Posted 4/25/2009 2:05 PM (GMT 0)

    Thanks Jon...........you words mean a lot to me.

    Kitt

    Posted 4/25/2009 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
    stkitt

    You are so right, you have recognized it which is the first step, you have sought help, my wife refuses to acknowledge it instead she has gotten in trouble with someone married much younger, filed for a divorce, forgotten about her kids and slates me as the problem, I have bent over backwards for 23years as of tomorrow, I have to ride the storm and hide all from teenage daughters.
    I work to pay finances because she had everything consolidated 2 weeks before filing. She has not helped pay debt in over 2 years.

    Councilling did not work because someone elses that knows nothing (lawyer) about circumstanse told her I would be the one left with nothing. she wont leave the home or anything.

    Post Edited (keepinghope) : 4/25/2009 9:45:40 AM (GMT-6)

    Posted 4/25/2009 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
    Hi Keeping,

    I just wanted to say that I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope that in time she will realize what she has done to the family. It sounds like she refuses help. That is so sad.

    I hope that you are having a good day today. It is raining here so it is a little dreary, but I am still enjoying the day.

    Hugs, Karen

    Kitt, I too have a husband that is very understanding. I am also the depressed spouse. And I feel fortunate he understands me and is so patient. I have been doing better for a long time, but there was a time that I put him through a little hell. He survived and has continued to support me. I feel so fortunate, a lot of husbands can't seem to handle things like this.

    Hugs, Karen
    Posted 4/25/2009 4:48 PM (GMT 0)

    keepinghope,

    I am sorry for your pain but I do not know that you can link all of your issues to your wife's depression.  Depression is not a reason to go off and break marriage vows etc.  There may be  some underlying reasons for what is happening and blaming it all on depression in my humble opinion is not going to help anyone heal.

    If your looking at bipolar your may have another story but most people with major depressive disorder do not have the energy to engage in romatic flings nor do they have the self esteem to pull it off.

    I am not starting a debate with my post, what I am doing is teaching people that depression is a real disorder and that we are not any different then the person with diabetes or asthma.  We did not choose this disorder but we don't use it as an excuse to deliberately cause pain and harm to our loved ones. If someone is using it to manipulate their personal situation then  perhaps they have a behavior disorder.

    Again these our my own personal comments and I have lived with depression for 27 years so I believe that I am well versed in the subject of depression.

    Again I am sorry you are in pain and I wish you only peace and happiness.

    Kitt

    Posted 4/25/2009 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
    kitt
    I feel for you, I am seeing what depression does, I have spoke to 2 of her doctors, they cant help unless she asks
    Posted 4/25/2009 7:51 PM (GMT 0)

    keepinghope,

    Thank you.  I am fine and have done very well with medication and therapy over the years, I had a very successful career, I am married to a wonderful man and we raised 4 children, one who died in a car crash at the age of 21.  People with depression can live a very normal life, we just have to deal with our disorder like others deal with their disorders.

    I continue to work in a casual position and I advocate for mental health along with other volunteer projects.  I am a strong supporter of the Cancer Society.

    I am proof that you can make it to the light at the end of the tunnel and I have this wonderful place called HealingWell that has supported me through some tough times just as we are all supporting you.

    Take care and my prayers to you.

    Kitt

    Posted 4/26/2009 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
    kitt
    my wife handles a full time job, goes to church & bible study every week, lets on nothing everything is directed at me, she can eat meals clean house, attend family functions on her side with me and let on nothing. she will not sleep in the same room anymore which is hard for teenage daughters to understand. she has stages where she tells me not to spend my money for food now since her surgery but she has spent her money as fast as she could earn it for 2 years. The councillor recognized the bipolar as soon as I told him what wasgoing on then she started telling the councillor how in love she was with someone 17 years younger, her family does not see it because in maybe hereditary or total selfishness on the families part,
    Posted 4/26/2009 12:11 PM (GMT 0)
    Thank you for an insightful post. I have made a promise to myself to always be there for my man, and i will always do my best to try and understand what he is going through. It is hard at times, and i admit my insecurities get the better of me sometimes, but when things get hard i know i can come on here, rant a bit, and feel ready to face the world again, together.
    Posted 4/26/2009 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
    missyellow

    I am glad my post was useful for you.  It does my heart good to know that people are reading this info.

    Your very kind.


    Kitt

    Posted 4/26/2009 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
    Kitt,

    Thanks for your words of wisdom. Our families have some similarities...like your husband, I have Crohn's. My wife supports me with my disease. My wife has depression. I do my best to support her with her disease. We just passed our 24th anniversary, so we are both in it for the long haul. We signed up for "in sickness and in health". We both are looking forward to the good health for us both. It will happen one of these days.
    Posted 4/27/2009 1:51 PM (GMT 0)

    Thank you Catman,

    I just wanted to share so others can see Depression from a person who lives with it and has accepted it as a way of life.  I will always be OK.  I have my family and I have HW to help me through.

    Hugs
    Kitt

    Posted 4/28/2009 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
    Kitt, you hit the nail on the head with this post. It is difficult to live with a depressed spouse but we deserve love too, regardless of our emotional state at times. It takes someone special (my wife) to stick by us, so I'm happy you caught one too. God Bless all of us with sunshine!:D
    Posted 4/29/2009 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
    Kitt,
    What an incredible post. You truly are amazing.

    Take care,
    Bill
    Posted 4/29/2009 1:36 PM (GMT 0)

    Dear blueboy and Bill,

    Thank you so much. I wish there was a magic cure for depression but until then we will continue to fight our demons and celebrate the good in our lives.

    Bless you,
    Kitt

    Posted 4/30/2009 12:35 AM (GMT 0)

    Dear Kitt, I want you to know that you are truly remarkable in the way you answer our posts, give us comfort and advice while you too are going through a very hard time. I hope that all recognize what an outstanding job you do.  It is not easy helping others when you are feeling down at the bottom of the barrel.  And you are right in that no one who hasn' t suffered depression can really know how it feels.  It feels many different things to us depending on our particular situation.  I  am sure that the angels are looking out for you as you are deserving of hapiness in your life.  And you are right when you say that we need to take advantage of the times when we are feeling good.  Life is especially difficult for many right now with this terrible economy.  We are here to help support you too in your time of need. I will always be grateful for the advice and comfort you have given me when I thought I couldn't sink any lower.  You are greatly appreciated and loved and I hope you continue to know how special you are.

    Many hugs,

    Aurora

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