help! depressed and confused!

Thank you all. I'm still really sad. I keep thinking about my dad but I'm trying to stay positive. The doctor still hasn't said anything to him. As for the guy, I'm not contacting him anymore. I'm trying to change the personality trait I have and going to talk to my doctor on Friday. Thanks everyone for your support. I'm so scared. I never used to be like this a few years ago. I don't know what changed.

Thank you! I heard that he scheduled the surgery for the week of May 20. The doctor said we won't know what type of tumor it is until they remove it with the surgery.

Way back before everyone had texting and email, I did the same thing to people with the telephone - I would get all obsessed over something and call repeatedly until I eventually ended up with the person thinking I was crazy or stalking them or something and ending up totally hating me.

My therapist told me to unplug the phone and put it in the trunk of my car. Then before I called again I'd have to think about what I was doing (like at 3 am I'd have to get dressed to even get to the car) before I got to the phone. Just making myself slow down and think really helped break me of the habit. (And saved a few friendships!!!)

From time to time that old urge comes back up -- when I feel like I must have an immediate answer or my world will go to pieces -- I have to remember the rule: One message (text or phone or email, but not more than one total message) then LEAVE IT ALONE. One then find something else to do.

Hope you feel better soon, this too will pass!

Hi Confusedgirl,

I'm glad you're taking Lynnwood's good advice about leaving the phone alone. Self control is really important!

Re: Isaac.......there NO JUSTIFICATION for a man to call you a psycho b* or curse at you in the way that he did. This is ABUSIVE behaviour. I cannot stress this enough, Confusedgirl. I am not trying to be hard on you, but merely to point out that you should never accept this......period. It seems like you are making excuses for this man, and that makes me very concerned for you. I hope your doc will be able to clear this up for you at your appointment tomorrow. Believe me, I am on your side and I support you.....I just don't want you to continue to go through this kind of pain.

Hey confused girl,

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have thought about doing all the things you did. But, it was hard to not call..text...e-mail the guy to get reassurance he liked me. But I was able to hold off.  That is what you are searching for...reassurance from him. It is one of the worst feelings wondering if he likes me...if he wants to see me...etc. I am talking to myself as well as you...we can't base our happiness on others....we need to try and be happy with ourselves.

You didn't deserve his harsh treatment though. There were other ways he could have handled that.

I hope things turn out well for your dad. Will be praying.

On a postive note~congrats on your first year of optometry school. You should feel really proud and accomplished about that. Keep up the good work.

Keep posting here

Take care

Acuragrl2002

Hi confused,

Sorry to hear about the arguments between you and your dad, both of you are going through difficult times at the moment. My guess he is worrying a lot about what would happened to you and your mum if something happens to him, it is a difficult time. If I was you I would try and get close to my dad and understand him better, maybe you should give him a hug and make sure to tell him how much you love him. about the long drive to your friends re-union he is propably just concered for your safety, your dad sounds like a very sensitive guy and now he is probably worrying and having some negative thoughts because of what he is going through, try to be supportive, try to understand him, Don't go to visit your friends until he feels OK about it, tell him that you will only go if he gives you the green light. you can always have other chances to visit and meet with your friends but you don't know what is going to happen to your dad and how much time you have left together, I don't mean to scare you or anything but at these difficult times you should try and focus on your relationship with your dad, it's clear that he needs you at these difficult times.

about texting Isac again, I don't think that was a very good idea, but it's too late now, please don't do it again, give him some space to think, the more you keep on texting him the more he will think your still obsesed about him. you need to have some control, for your own good. also I second what rania said, he used bad language that you didn't deserve, he could have chosen a polite way to tell you to stop, but he didn't. and it is not your fault period

I hope the increase of zoloft will help you get better soon, good luck to you , you are in our thoughts

I've been so sad. Each day is getting harder. I don't like seeing my family sad. I don't like seeing my dad like this. I hope he gets better. And I hope once they remove the tumor it never comes back again. I'm praying each day. I don't feel like getting out of the house at all.

I'm also hoping that guy will talk to me again. I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy. A few weeks ago when he told me he didn't want to talk to me I told him I felt like dying. But since then I had told him that I'm sorry and that I just haven't been myself lately and just depressed about my dad. And that I'm seeing a counselor because I'm dealing with alot right now and working on my self esteem. I told him I'm deleting his number and that he can contact me when he wants to. Anyways, I'm just leaving it up to him now. I deleted his number a few days ago. I hope he realizes that I'm not crazy. I miss him so much! :-(

Hi confused, how are you holding up and how is your dad doing? I guess his surgery is next week right? I hope that it goes ok for him, keep us posted on how your doing, we really care about you, I hope you have a good day.

Dear Confusedgirl,

I truly understand how sad and upset you are right now.   As you may already know chronic infection with hepatitis B virus (HBV) or hepatitis C virus (HCV) is by far the most important risk factor for liver cancer. Your Dad is going into surgery on the 27th and I am sure he is very frightened and what you can do for him now is to not let his fear and anger bring you down.

He needs you and no it is not right for him to be verbally abusive to you but perhaps you can just blow off his comments for now and not let yourself get drawn into feeling sad and responding back.  This may be a time to choose your battles carefully.  If he makes abusive comments just get up and leave the area but do not run and hide and then feel guilty.  If he is sad and crying he is most likely very depressed and afraid of what is ahead for him. Remember he owns his own feeling and is responsible for his behavior.

I am sorry to hear you are having a flare of colitis. This is a time of great stress for you so look at using some of the stress busting techniques and one is joining your friends for the reunion.  Go and no guilt.  You have a right and a need to take care of you too. 

One method professional counselors use to help reduce anxiety is to get the person to limit the amount of "stressors" in their daily life. Psychologists call this avoidance learning. The main idea of avoidance learning is when you know there is something causing stress and anxiety in your life, you need to make an extra effort to avoid the situation or object. You know that you and your Dad will get into disagreements when he starts "picking" at you these days so avoid putting yourself into this position.  Do not  respond negatively..................don't take the bait.

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Take care,
Kitt

Confused, I'm so glad that you don't have dyspasia, now you can focus on your dad, I hope on the 27th you will get good news about dad. and about isac, we told you before to forget him and see what the psychogist had to say, now that you know you should listen to her. good luck to you, I hope you have a wonderfull day

Thank you all for your support. My dad goes in for surgery tomorrow. I'm going to go to the hospital with him. I'm just praying everything goes ok. As for Isaac, I know I shouldn't have but a few nights ago I kept thinking about him and I missed him. I tried calling him (I had his number memorized) but I think he blocked my number because an operator came on saying that this subscriber is unavailable. Then when I called from my house phone it rang but I only let it ring once and hung up because I was too scared to talk to him. I then texted him saying can you please unblock my calls? But he didn't respond. I don't think he has me blocked from texts anymore because when we first got in that fight, I would get an automatic text after texting him saying that my text was blocked. But now I'm not getting that message. He just isn't responding. I give up. I've apologized so many times. I am trying hard to not contact him. I just hope he talks to me again. I miss him.

Hi Confused,

What Raniah said is so right, you deserve to find a man that loves and respects you. So try not to contact him.

I hope and pray that your Dad's surgery goes well. Please let us know. We will be waiting to hear from you.

Hugs, Karen

Hi there,

You texting him too much probably the reason that he did call you those names, but he still shouldn't have done it. It isn't cool. You don't deserve to be treated like that no matter what you did. So try to get that to sink in, you did NOT deserve to be called those names. He could have just ignored you. You are a wonderful person, you are smart and doing good in college. You deserve somebody to treat you good. You wouldn't treat anybody like that, so why should he??? But I think you have to get your self esteem up before you will realize that you are worthy of much better.

Please let us know how things go with your dad. We are all anxious to find out how things turn out. And we are all praying for him.

Keep us posted on how things are going. Realize that you are a good person and deserve to be treated in that manner.

Hugs, Karen