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feeling lonely again and again

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Posted 5/11/2009 11:22 PM (GMT 0)

Hello,

I found this website, it is good.

Just hoping that I am not silly putting my post here, maybe my problem is not problem at all...

The thing is that I have been feeling lonely again and again over this year. This comes and goes, but is unbearable... Just seems that there is really no one to talk from heart to heart and just let myself to go. I know that there are people who like me and care and want to help, but I am not able to let myself go. I am only able to do it when just being nice and helping others (in balance with my well being), which I love, as this gives me a lot.

The thing is that I have been on my own for many years and just relied on myself. I have moved away from my country and otherwise been moving around. There are lots of incidents in my past which have made me very reserved, and I myself have not always been as good as I am now, and I have had times in my life which are very different of what is now. Now I feel that there is no one who can really know me until the very core, and it makes me feel even more lonely. There are many moments, when I don't worry too much (about now and the past) and do my things, but then again, I fall back. I am proud what have accomplished (work, independence, study in university, all on my own in a foreign country), but that loneliness stays. I miss someone close, as well, but ...

I hope that my post is appropriate and not too silly...

With best wishes,

kesse

Posted 5/11/2009 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kesse,

Welcome to the depression forum. And no your post isn't silly.

When you have been independant and reserved for so long, it is hard to peel the layers away. You sound like a very strong person. And I think that is wonderful.

I think when you are ready, you will open up to somebody that you trust. It just takes time to get to that point. We feel volnerable when we open up our hearts to others, often we are afraid of getting hurt. But you will in time open up to somebody and you will be able to be you. Take it one day at a time.

Best wishes to you and again welcome.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/11/2009 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,

thank you for your nice reply and encouragement!

With best wishes,
kesse
Posted 5/12/2009 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kesse,

It sounds like you get a lot of satisfaction out of helping others, and that’s a wonderful thing. Maybe this is the way you can become more open with others…..by opening up a little and sharing a bit of your life and your feelings with those you are helping. I know it’s hard, when you are independent and have experienced tough things in your life, but it’s good to reach out to others and take that risk, so that you can experience the warmth that comes from a deeper connection. You deserve to have that in your life, Kesse.
Posted 5/12/2009 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
I think that is a very good point Raniah. Working with and helping others is good for us. And opening up to somebody that we know and trust a little at a time does help.

Raniah, I like your signature today. I notice that you change it occasionally.

Hugs to you both,

Karen
Posted 5/12/2009 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Karen.  It seemed to express the way I feel about love and relationships, and I've always enjoyed Rumi's poetry.  :-)    Hugs back!
Posted 5/12/2009 10:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Raniah and Karen,

thank you very much for your advice,
and adding a saying by Rumi!

And thank you for listening...

With best wishes

Post Edited (kesse) : 5/12/2009 5:04:24 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/12/2009 12:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kesse,

I hope you will come back and keep us posted! Best wishes to you, too.
Posted 5/13/2009 11:15 AM (GMT 0)

kesse, hi, jamie here.

hey look forward, the past is that, finding the inner deeper you will activate the harmony thus beautiful conversations and experiences will avail themselves in time. luv and harmony.

jamie.

Posted 5/14/2009 11:59 AM (GMT 0)
Kesse, it is not silly at all. Our emotions are what they are and are real. Being in a new place with different people is a challenging experience, but you took it on and accomplished goals. Helping other people is a good way to get your mind off your own problems, and is positive all around. Even getting on this forum and writing is a good way to vent. I too have done things in my past that were bad but we have to move forward and be better. If I dwell on that stuff I'd never move forward with life, but we have time to change and progress. Good luck and keep in touch.
Posted 5/14/2009 1:27 PM (GMT 0)

Dear kesse,

Hello and welcome.  I am Kitt and you are not silly at all (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))).

I understand your loneliness as I too have these same feelings.  Loneliness may just be one of the most difficult emotions for a human to experience. But the truth of it is that almost everyone faces it at some time or another. It is important that you understand the reason for your loneliness.

Here are some questions to ask yourself.  Who are you really? How have you changed over the past years, months or even weeks? Have your likes and dislikes changed? Do you ever take time just to relax alone with your thoughts or do something that you enjoy? Do you take time to pamper yourself or read a book or curl up with popcorn and your favorite movies?

If you are suffering from loneliness, this is a great time to  make some new friends. It's always great to have someone to lean on when you are feeling down and it's wonderful to have someone you can call on the phone, send a letter or email to or even invite over or go to visit when your loneliness is at its worst.  Thnk about  inviting  a co-worker to coffee or on a  lunch break. Allow yourself to take some risks when it comes to meeting new people and letting people into your life and you may feel less lonely.

I know this sounds easy when I write it but I also know that when you are depressed it is difficult to open up to people for fear of being brushed aside.

You have a friend in me if you would like to email me I would be happy to listen to you and everyone here in the forum is always more then happy to read your posts and respond in a kind and caring way.

You have already met some of our dear members of HW. You have taken a huge step in talking to us so keep it up and please know that you now belong to a super family of people who know where your coming from and what your going through.

Gentle hugs to you,

Kitt

Posted 5/15/2009 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
hi kesse, Welcome to the forum you have come to the right place. being loonly is hard I can understand that, I spent a year in a city where I knew nobody. you sound like a strong person to me , and you have run into some bad times but that is normal we all run into bad times and get over it I guess. Don't be afraid to make new friends like kitt and others suggested you can find them anywhere, at work or the ones you help out. Let us know how you are doing because we care :)
Posted 5/15/2009 12:44 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Kesse,

I am just dropping in to say I hope you are OK and that you will keep on talking with us.  Let us hear from you.

Happy Friday.

Kitt

Posted 5/15/2009 8:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I am fine, thank you! And thank you for your encouraging and understanding replies!
And thank you Kitt, for asking me be your friend! I will email you.

Just have been working and studying and been tired...
I was a bit meanwhile, as well. I found a new friend from a funny chat room, he is 21, but his thinking is much mature than that. It appears that he has been in prison and using drugs, but does not do it any more... I hope it is true...

Yes, I know, I am strong person... But not always...
And funny sometimes, I guess. I just yesterday had a funny incident in my university. Basically, I went to see a tutor, while I saw other students I know. I said to them honestly and in my own way that I want to knock on that tutor's door. He is not alone in his office. Then he happened to come out and others said to him that I wanted to knock on his door. Everyone started to laugh, then he asked if I want to see him... These kinds of things happen from time to time to me, I say out innocent things which are so silly, but leave others mouths open or laugh...

Sorry me telling you this, but it cheered me up a bit...

With best wishes to everyone,
Kesse
Posted 5/15/2009 11:43 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Kesse,

Got your email and I am glad you sent it..........I am glad to be your friend and I am thrilled that you found a new friend in the chat room.  Sounds like a nice guy.

You have a sense of humor and that will take you far.  If you can laugh at yourself then you are sure to succeed in today's world. 

People who believe in the benefits of laughter say it can be like a mild workout — and may offer some of the same advantages as a workout. I believe that if people can get more laughter in their lives, they are a lot better off so keep on smiling and making others smile too.

You go girl.

Hugs

Kitt

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