Depressed again after a long time

I just moved into a converted garage (it's pretty and everything, but very small and not the privacy I used to have, and I'm very grateful to have had a place to go as I moved for financial reasons - no job for over a year even though I look every day).

 

Sorry for the mish-mash, I just never thought I'd start falling again (also quit smoking cigarettes - 9th day).  I find myself sleeping after I do the kitty chores and eat something every morning - sometimes for 4 hours at a time.

 

I used to be on here as "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty", but now I'm hooked up to their wireless (for free - blessing) so I dropped my old ISP provider.

 

So tired, weak, sad about so many things including no jobs here, lost my favorite apartment with a humungous view for sunrises, moon-rises, all the hills and now

it's closed in (again, I'm very grateful to have a roof over my head and thank God for that every day).

 

I'm just tired and don't want to fall into the abyss like I did when I was suicidal.  I'm not there now, but trying to take affirmative action by nipping this in the bud

now instead of letting it go further.

 

I'll be napping for awhile after I eat, but will come back later if anyone has any suggestions. 

 

Missed you guys - I couldn't get hooked up for over a month to the wireless because the router was too far away, now it's close enough to get on line.

 

Thanks, Getting By.

 

A short walk is exactly what I need and know I need - I just feel so weak and tired.  Maybe after my nap I'll

have a cup of "Joe" (Coffee) and see if I can get out for a short walk.  It's a whole different neighborhood

and I so miss my old view and having separate rooms and especially the morning light shining in for my cats

and patio for myself.

 

Sorry I'm whiney - off to nap now (yes, with the cats, heh).

Thanks muchly!

Just got up from nap, let's see where I can go from here!

Hugs,

Ju

Hi Napswithcats, Hello and it is good to see you back with us.  You have been through a lot and suffered some losses, that of your job and now your home.  I think Karen has a good idea, get out and be with people.  I know that is not always easy to do and I have on occasion fallen into the "it is to hard to go anywhere" pit. When you start to feel down and sleeping seems the only way out,  try changing your thoughts. One way to change thought patterns is by limiting time spent thinking. Find a hobby or a distraction that you enjoy, preferably one that has a high degree of mental concentration. Painting and drawing are good examples. With both these activities, your mind is on the task at hand so you have very little time to picture or think about what causes you stress. The main point is to find something you enjoy that can be done for a long period of time. Please know we are here for you and I am so glad you got connected again and for free.  That is a good thing. Gentle Hugs Kitt

Hi Ju, (Did we email once upon a time? I think so!) I'm so sorry for the low period you're going through. You've experienced some significant losses, and it's bound to have an effect on you. Yes, I can relate to the feeling of missing cigarettes, too! They can be a crutch to lean on, especially when times are tough, and it's hard to go without them - but I applaud you for doing so, because that in itself is a huge accomplishment. I'm so glad you have your cats! I don't know where I would be without my pets.....they are a constant joy in my life. Please try to get outside for even a few minutes as soon as you are up to it. I know it's hard. And I know you miss your other home. It's important to allow yourself to grieve your losses.....and it's also important to take care of yourself, which includes a little fresh air and sunshine. Take baby steps if you have to. I'm glad you're hooked up with us again, and I look forward to reading your posts on here. ((((hugs))))

Thank you all for your awesome responses.  Raniah, I am sure we've written before - I used to come here a lot when I was going through preparing for a trial for sexual abuse, etc. by my old Psychologist.  It's just that I was under the Anxiety/Panic section moreso than here.

It's 5:35 a.m. here and I already made my bed and fed/watered the cats - now I need to drink some coffee and do the kitty meds (I have some special needs cats.  I also think I woke up all the roosters on the block since I turned my light on - hope I didn't just make enemies in the new neighborhood!  lol 

Today I have an appointment to give platelets which I used to do for about 5-6 years every 2 weeks until I started volunteering for Animal Services which took up so much time.  I'm going back to platelets now for a break from all the heartbreak of working at a kill shelter.  (Some guilt there for sure).  I just have to find my favorite squeezie thing since it takes a couple hours.  I need my comfie squeezie for platelets - hee!

Volunteering something always creates a sense of productivity for me, so I think I'll be feeling much better today.  (I swear there are about 25 roosters cocka-doo-da-doo-a-ling)  Are country folk not supposed to turn on their lights until it gets light? 

Hey "Sad and Angry" - thanks for your post - I'm supposed to see my Psychiatrist next week, but may have to post-pone for a week because of $$, but I'll definitely be seeing her - I do once per month.  Also, I definitely need to walk, and know it would make me feel better.  I will start walking again really soon.  The move has created some pretty severe pain in my knees, hips and back, so I'm doing stretches for right now.  Scooping kitty litter twice a day (on my knees) is about all I can do.  I hope you're okay, too!  :o)

 

Thanks Raniah!

Talked with my sis yesterday about this depression.  I'm pretty sure it's onset was from quitting smoking (13 days now, cold turkey). 

I'm just not going to let it get me back into that dark, dark place I was before.  I'm not sure how exactly the brain works except that

there's the hypothalmus and the amygdala (fight or flight part of the brain) and I was totally disconnected from the hypothalmus

part of my brain at the darkest time, just living in fear, anxiety, panic and depression without any connection to reason.  I will fight this

and stay connected and well.  (Affirmations, affirmations!)

I know it sounds odd, but may start smoking again - I'm weighing the pros and cons, it's not an instant decision.

Definitely need to start walking again, though, as you and others(?) suggested, even if down to the end of the block and back

(which is about as far as I can hopefully go).

Thank you for all of your help and for listening! I appreciate it and all of you tremendously.

Julie O'

{{{sniff}}}  Thanks Raniah!

The times I've quit, I've quit for 2 years and 3 years or more, just starting again out of stupidity (or this last time

because of severe stress.   I can't cheat with even one - too severely addicted to cigarrettes and would just

start smoking (either that, or I have one of those "all or none" states of mind, I don't know).

I just can't afford them anymore - that's my reason for quitting this time.

I'm hopeful I can "Just Do It" (as Nike would say).  I swear, that saying has gotten me off my butt more

times than I can say when otherwise I would have opted to just . . . sit.

After I'm done with this last, loooong pet-sitting job today, I'm hoping to get some energy back.  She has foster

kittens this time, so there's a lot of feedings along with the rest of my "duties".

Hope your day is a grand one, Raniah! 

Julie O'

Wow Kitt,

 

Thank you so, so much for the massive support on non-smoking!  It helps a lot more than you know!

Not much support from the family - mainly because of the depression attached to the quitting smoking.

What's odd is that I'd been having more problems with anxiety and panic before I quit smoking, now

that's all gone and I'm just depressed and become very frustrated very easily.  Weird!

 

I'm also 49 and weird things are happening with my body, so . . . life is just so peachy!  lol

"So harrrrd to be a womannnnn . . ."  When I was on as Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty I brought up

my incontinence problem - it's gotten much worse - I'm an old, crickity woman (with cats-lol)

in a mid-age woman's body.

 

ANyways, I've got to shower and go to my last day of pet-sitting for this other person.  Where I live

it's live-in pet-sitting, so when they go out, I take care of their pets.  And awesomely, if they are gone

for more than 7 days (like they will be this month on vacation), I get free rent for that month.  They

actually did this garage conversion just for this purpose, to help me out and have a live-in pet-sitter.

 

I'm rambling again ('cause I don't want to take a shower).

 

Thanks so much again, Kitt, for your support with the non-smoking.  I'm taking it one minute at a

time.  Since I used to smoke very expensive ciggies and I can only get them at this one place which

is a drive, it's kind of a blessing to be so far away from that smoke shop.

 

Ack!  Still rambling!

 

SO comforting to be back here.  Love you guys!

 

Julie O'

Hey there, Justagirl,

Hang in there, this is day 12 for me.  I have quit before (only for very long periods of time and without cheating at all) and I know this depression and boredome and anger, etc., will pass. 

We'll be feeling much, much better soon!!  We just have to hang in there and go through all this yuck-yuck, then, after awhile . . .

we'll be feelin' fine as a well-aged wine

Yours in quitting smoking,

Julie O'

:o)  (My kitties don't hate my breath anymore!!  :-D