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Posted 6/8/2009 7:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey.... I posted here a little a few years ago... same issues, just really depressed.... I was doing so well for so long, and its back and I dont understand, could be financial issues and much heavier responsibility now.... took on a mortgage I really cant afford, now looking for a third part time job, in addition to the full time job and the part time job I already have.... and that drags me down, I feel alienated from my kids and they wonder what is srong im sure... spent the whole weekend in a drug induced haze, I know I shouldnt have, I couldnt help it.... it felt so much better than....feeling anything.

So, blah blah blah, I guess I am looking to identify because I feel really alone, and am looking for anyone who wants to encourage me. Im not on psych meds, I dont have insurance

so.... hi.... help..... thanx

Posted 6/8/2009 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
welcome again asking, sounds like a dificult situation your in. I think jugeling three jobs will be a very difficult thing, I can barly handle one full-time job, I don't know how you can do it. you must have a lot of will and courage, and you must love your children that's why you are doing what you are doing. about the drugs I know you know this already but that's just a temporary fix it won't help your situation in any way and will only make it worst, I hope that you try and find a way to stop it , as it must be one of the reasons of your deppresion.
Posted 6/8/2009 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
thanks akram.... your right, I know numbing isnt a solution... I just get so sick of all that is swirling in my head that I have to turn it off, Ive tried to diffuse it with affirmation, positive thinking, metaphysics.... you name it. Im like a yoyo depressive, I feel fine for so long then WHAM something slams me down, sometimes softly sometimes hard, and this time really hard. The job (they help me tune out too) and money thing is just the straw that broke the camels back. Courage???? you really think so? I feel so pathetic for wallowing around in self pity, it almost feels self indulgent, I dont know if that makes sense... I just wish I could shake this off .... it wont shake though.... hmmmm
Posted 6/8/2009 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Asking, I agree with Akram….you have a lot of courage and determination to tackle two jobs and start looking for a third, in order to handle your financial responsibilities. I don’t think you are pathetic….please don’t call yourself that. You have a right to your feelings, and that includes feeling sad about circumstances and/or relationships in your life. I get the reasons that you turned to drugs to mellow out and escape…..sometimes it seems like such a welcome relief to not feel pain anymore….but the trouble is that it’s only a temporary solution, and it usually makes us feel worse in the long run. It kind of postpones the inevitable, which is dealing with our problems and laying them out on the table so there’s no more denial. I can imagine that you feel really overwhelmed right now, and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I wasn’t able to find your past posts…..maybe it was a long time ago…..so I don’t know much about your situation. Is the children’s father supportive at all, with the financial or child-rearing responsibilities? It’s really hard to do it on your own, which is why I am asking. I hope you’ll keep posting, and I hope you know you are not alone. ((hugs))
Posted 6/8/2009 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Raniah.... I am the childrens father, my wife is a whole other story... I wish I knew how to find my old posts too, they were about her and relationship issues and it would tune my story in.... I will have to try to find them, may tell me where I was at then, it was 2 years ago. My wife and I are together, we are an odd couple, but we do share love and a deep connection, but I have to admit I have issues with her, Like how in the midst of our financial struggle she asks me about going to Vegas next month, because we could share a room with her sister and all we would have to pay for is gas and food and and and and..... I just couldnt believe what she was saying, its like she just doesnt get it.... off to Vegas when we have all of these financial issues and bills.... some of them serious....looming about. Am I taking it all to serious? Am I just a grumpy old man who cant have any fun??? I want to have fun, but I just couldnt believe that she would think now is the right time to do that.... It was another thing that sent me over the edge this weekend. I just coulndt keep thinking...
thanks for your encouragement.... it is good to know that I am not alone....
Posted 6/8/2009 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Asking, I'm so sorry.....thank you for setting me straight! Well, I am glad that you and your wife are together, despite the current problems....the fact that you say you have love and a deep connection sounds promising to me. I don't think I could go to Vegas if I were struggling financially, but I'm a pretty conservative person when it comes to money. I like to enjoy it, but I like to have a safety net whenever possible (tough thing to do in these times). In other words, I don't think you are a grumpy old man.....I think you are trying to look after your family and make sure things are secure. That's my $0.02. As far as the old posts, I took a look back for a few minutes, and found some of your posts on the page 108/109 area of the depression forum….hope that helps. I'm glad you came back, and I look forward to posting with you some more! Hang in there.....we're here for you!
Posted 6/8/2009 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
asking, I stand by what I said that you have courage and a strong will. just because you are addicted to drugs doesn't mean you are not couragius, you have tried and to stop drugs it takes more than a strong will my friend. it takes a lot of support, you need support from a good institution. I know because I was there, not with drugs but with addicting online games for years, and it ruined everything in my life, I lost my job, my friends and even almost lost my relationship with my family, I used to shout at them for intefearing with my life. but my family decided to make an intervention, by asking the hopspital to pick me up and even though i stoped for 6 months I still came back and they had to do it again, and I am now sober since april 2008. I have finally accepted never to return to those games and now I can enjoy the meaning of life without them. durring my stay I have met many people who were addicted to drugs and they suffered from the same symtoms as me. I felt angry and I could not control my mind, and depressed. I don't know what they are doing today and if they are finished with the addiction but I know some of them have had a very long time without hope. one of them was admited to the hospital 13 times can you beleave that? and he still said he will do it again when he is out. even though like you he had a family that needed him. maybe drugs are more dangerous I don't know, but I am sure with the will and the support it is possible to stop and never look back. you should consider hospitalization if it's possible for you.
Posted 6/9/2009 1:39 AM (GMT 0)

Askiing, You seem to have a tremendous amount of responsibility that is overwhelming you now.  Are your children young?  Does your wife have a job?  It seems like you have taken on more than you will be able to handle in the long run.  Is it possible to refinance your mortgage?  If not, have you thought of selling and moving to a less expensive place? You are going to reach the point where you won't be able to handle much of anything and then it will be a hardship for everyone.  I agree with Raniah that you have a lot of courage to do what you do.  But trying to handle 3 jobs may be more that you can take.    If you wife works or could work even part time would that help?  I am just trying to find out a little more about you to see if there are ways that all of us can offer positive suggestions to ease your situation.  I hope that you will not see the drugs as a way to escape, even for a short time.  They will only drag you down more.  You sound like a very strong and decent man and I only wish you and your family the best.  Life is very hard for so many right now with this terrible economy.  But think about what makes sense to do and let us know what we can do to help you get through this difficult time. And do tell your wife that going to Vegas is not a reasonable thing to do right now because you need all your money to help with your living expenses. Only gas and food do add up and that money is better spent on your household.  We are all in a tough spot. I would love to go away somewhere, but I need to put food on the table so here I am stuck at home. But I have learned over the past year that there is not even $1 to be wasted.  Please take good care of yourself and let us know how we can be of help, if just to give you comfort and support. Take care.

Aurora

Posted 6/9/2009 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Aurora..... I am in a mess with the mortgage, its brand new.... this house is something we managed to do because we were able to save a little money and due the the downtrodden housing market, we bought a $400,000 house for less than half that.... it seemed like the thing to do at the time...but now the reality of the monthly payment is settling in and here I sit clueless as to how to make this all work. My wife and I had many conversations about how this was going to work, and we somehow conviced each other that we could figure this out... but now i seem to be the only one worrying about it.... while she spends long weekends on the coast with her sister and makes plans for Vegas.... Im lost. I somehow managed last months payment.... but Im already spending next months money set asisde for the payment on food. and i dont see it working less a financial miracle. Ive tried so much.... consolidating debts....that was disasterous, nickle and dime stuff like recycling, selling on ebay, couponing, rebating... omg it just made me so darn tired....and tired seems to be all that I feel anymore. I really try not to abuse drugs....which are perscription pain killers, to paint a clearer picture.... just since this latest dive into the dark they have seemed more necessary.
It gets harder to function.... like I went to the market to get groceries, and I couldnt think, I just threw all this wierd stuff in the basket, not two things that will put together a decent meal, it took me two hours and I forgot all the important stuff... the store was a zoo, I stopped to cry a couple of times when I could find an empty isle.... tried to pray my way through it just to get out of the store, managed somehow, came home and the first thing I did was drop a jar of spaghetti sauce CRASH splattered the stuff everywhere.... thank God my son helped me clean it up. there was glass everywhere. But I probably missed some glass, and my wife will come home from her long effin weekend on the coast and probably step in the one piece of glass I missed. Gawd.... Im just so tired, I fell asleep for a while now I awake again, its about nine oclock here in socal. thanks everyone.... it feels better that i know someone else can hear/read me.... I dont have anyone to talk to.
Posted 6/9/2009 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
asking jamie here, male, 37.

sending u my support. i am far away, australia, so the time diff etc. keep strong. always around, take care.

Posted 6/9/2009 12:50 PM (GMT 0)

Asking,

Hello and welcome back.  It was 2007 that you originally joined the group so I am glad you have come back.  You have had some great support from the members and Raniah did a great job finding your earlier posts for  you. That was very kind of her.  :) Thanks Raniah.

I am sorry to hear of your problems but I agree, it took a lot of grit to come here and share your problems and ask for help.

You will find support and some great advice here. 

It does seem like your wife is not dealing with the reality of the situation you are in financially.  As for her talk of Vegas I would just blow it off as you know it is not in the cards.................bad pun smhair   LOL.  She is not facing the facts of life right now and that may be her way of coping.

It would be a good thing if the two of you could start communicating about your situation.  Perhaps if you set up a time to sit down with her and just talk, tell her how you are feeling...................no accusations just talk.  Let her know how everything is affecting you right now and ask her for support in helping all of you through this situation.

Pain medications....................please do try to kick this habit to the curb.  I was on Rx Vicodin for a long time and it really turned me upside down.  It interfered with my AD meds and like you I found it easy to hide in the medication.  But I weaned off as it was either that or chained to a pill bottle and I refused to do that to myself.

It was one of the hardest things I have had to do but  I made it through and I know you can too. I now refuse to take any offers by my physicians for RX pain meds as I know if I start to take them again I will end up back where I was one time.  I will use Advil or Aleve or whatever but no Rx pain meds...................

I know that pain pills are a must for many people but my pain was not that great so it was the blunting of my feelings that drew me to using them.

Again a warm welcome back and please stick with us.

I wish you peace,

Kitt

Posted 6/9/2009 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
thanks stkitt.... yes some great support.... your right about talking to her.... its just what I was thinking early this morning..... I have some ideas about helping the money thing, but she would have to get on board with some big changes, and I think I have decided not to pursue the third job... enough already, huh? She wont like my ideas, as they will effect her credit cards and spending habits, but too bad, Im just too tired to keep oozing miracles and magically making it all okay..... because I am not okay.

I feel a little better today.... I think just having made those decisions and being able to talk about it with you guys has really helped.... thank you all and more later....
Posted 6/10/2009 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
excellent to see your self-actualising happen!!! you are on the right track. a smiley face is required. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin jamie
Posted 6/10/2009 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
....so, a tiny bit better still today. I kind of woke up with a bad atitude though, but maybe its not bad. I feel like F-it, I am tired of worrying so hard.... what are the priorities with the finances?? clearly they are.... food, shelter/housing and utilities, the needs of the children.....and thats all. If I cant pay the rest of it, my wife's countless credit accounts, and all the other dumb stuff, then I cant. I have had financial problems before, done bankruptcy (a long time ago), written a thousand letters to work stuff out, and here I still stand. So If I have to let some stuff go, then so be it. Overwhelming stress and depression is far to high a price to pay, right??? We shall see how "letting stuff go" goes over with my wife, Im pretty sure there will be issues there, but I really dont care anymore, meaning I dont care to try so hard, work so long and hard, worry so hard.

Depression is a strange thing.... like talking about this stuff lets me feel some great release and relief, but in the back of my head something is still very wrong, cant relax, denying myself stuff I really like and want, nervous, pesimistic (spelling?) angry....

hmmmm....

Post Edited (asking) : 6/10/2009 2:30:01 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/10/2009 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Asking,

My husband and I lived beyond our means for many years, we were both very unrealistic about money.  One big set back and we lost everything, including each other for almost 2 years.  When we got back together (we have now been married 26 years) we were both very grounded in reality about money and what was important:  Roof over head (clean and afforded), food, gas in cars (always used, but my husband can fix anything), electricity, and the most precious gift for yourself and your family is time to spend together.  We live well below our means now and we are really grateful for what we have instead of constantly wanting more.  Forget financial security find financial serinity.  Money is a big stressor and when a couple are not "on the same page" about money there are problems, conflicts and resentments.  There are many easy solutions, just have to sit down and work it out.  Truly your wife sounds like a shop-aholic (sp) and it is unfortunate that she does not seem to realize how stressed you are about it.  I wish you could find a way to get some medical attention because it sounds like you need some medication if only to get you over this rough patch.

Have faith, things have a way of working themselves out and usually for the better.

Good Luck and I hope tomorrow finds you feeling better.

Gem

Posted 6/12/2009 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
Asking,

I haven't been around for quite a while, so I will tell you my story. You are not alone and we all have the same affliction. Even though money is an important aspect of depression it is often only part of the story, I know many people who have money problems, yet they seem to go along blissfully ignoring their sorry situations. They seem oblivious to financial woes. It has become a bigger problem in our present society than most people realize. You can't spend what you don't have. Perhaps you could sit down with your wife and go over your total lifestyle. If you love each other and trust your ability to reason things out, it will be a start to get on a path to a less anxious life. Less anxiety = Less Depression.

In my case, my wife has accepted my depressive periods and knows how I suffer and wait until I feel better. I am presently depressed. I know I will be better in 3 days, 3 weeks , or 3 months. One morning I will wake up and those darn clouds will have lifted and I will be myself once more. I take medication for my depression ( a mix of Welbutrin and Effexor) but I don't know how effective they are as I still suffer.

I don't want to change as I fear things could get worse. My GP Md. seems to just listen to me for a while and then ask if I want a change in meds. I say no out of fear of the unknown.

It is a very confusing dilemma. I can certainly relate to you emotions and you must be a strong person to handle 2 jobs. Please forget about going for more.
May I ask how many children you have and are they aware of your depression ? I feel those who are closest to me have grown to understand, and this is helpful.

I have found that HealingWell and the people on it have been of great help in the past. Just relating to each other helps. We've "got your back"
Posted 6/12/2009 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Cloudy, Welcome back to HealingWell and to the depression board. I'm sorry to hear your depressed, of course. But it's good to have your input.

Thanks,
serafena
Posted 6/12/2009 1:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi cloudy - My depression works the same way! Ive never had any medical help with it, so I dont know if Im typical, from what I read I am... the depression just seems to come from nowhere, or sometimes triggered by an event or problem, like money and like you said, money stress=anxiety=depression... Its starting to lift... I have been banging my head against the wall trying to will it to goawaygoawaygoaway!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but it never goes away fast enough. I am really trying to jump back into life.... participate in stuff, made plans to take kids to the park on the weekend, spend soem time in the sun, cook something, just get up and do instead of wallow in my misery. Oh but its hard.

my kids are 17,15 and 8... and while I dont talk about depression to them, i am sure they notice my distance, grumpiness and overall depressed body language, by 17 year old will try to make me comfortable by offering my things to eat, drink because I tend to not eat when it happens, he is very sweet.

My wife has so far been unresponsive to my attempts to talk about the money issues. and she still plans on vegas. I am going to write down all of the immediate and serious money issues, the things that are unpaid, upcoming and important expenses, and try to present it to her that way, kind of a reality check. havent had a minute to do this yet.

I really appreciate Healing Well and its members, this is the only place I can say this stuff, and being able to just spew it out, in complete honesty, has been a tremendous relief. So much thanks to everyone, really guys, I am truly grateful for your friendship.

gotta get ready for work now.... check in later....
Posted 6/12/2009 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Asking
You have already helped me by your explanation of your "periods" of depression. Mine come and go at any time . Don't know how long they will last or why the clouds lift. Like you, I have discovered that something triggers them. It could be something someone said, or did, or some stupid thing I read in the newspaper. Then everything seems to bother me. I become Mr. Grouch. My sense of humor goes out the window and I want to stay away from people.

When I was working I was able to hide my depression, but I know I was less productive. Fortunately I am retired and as far as I know, nobody knew I was depressed among my fellow slaves. I have come to realize through HW that I am not any different than many.

Since I still have these depressive periods and I have been on medication for at least 10 years, and you don't take medication, I'm wondering if I should ween myself off this stuff altogether. At least I would save money.

Have a good weekend and keep on keeping on
Posted 6/14/2009 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
feeling about the same, its halfway through the weekend, I feel like I am really "trying" to function. today is park and movie day. Im finding spending time with the kids is extremely helpful, played go fish with my daughter... I am also compulsively cleaning... everything seems to smell funny to me, I dont know what thats about....

peace
Posted 6/14/2009 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Asking

I hope you work things out.

I must say 'BP Gemini' post about money has made me think hard about what I really want out of life.

Money is not all there is to life!

Good luck

Larry

Posted 6/16/2009 7:56 PM (GMT 0)
...........agreed Larry, Money is not all there is to life. But it seems to be one of those "in my face" issues that is just always there.... the issues being lack, unpaid utilities, things like car repairs (just today even) kids school needs, just so many things that I cant just shove in a drawer with the rest of the bills. But, I am learning to relax, breathe deeply and take one thing at a time. Not always easy though. But consciounly (SP) slowing my head down did help me figure out a way to get my car fixed without much $$ or drama, that was good.

The current depressive episode is oh so slowly lifting. I have had a few conversations with my wife about the I$$UES, so everything is "out there" now. She seems to have more faith than me, she said she should start collecting tuitions from her students (she is a self employed preschool teacher) by early July, which is great.... but there are so many things just hanging in limbo "waiting" for money to come, but she seems to think all will be okay in the end, and that I need to have more patience with it all. Maybe she is right. But I dont know how.

So for now, I keep busy, keep working (and have given up on the third job idea), make daily connections with my kids and wife. Try to take care of my new and larger-than-I-am-used-to home (I find cleaning fun now, very wierd) eat properly, try not to abuse the pain meds (I have them legally for arthritis & bad teeth) try to take some time for myself everyday,  and just keep going as best as I can....

Peace.......

Posted 6/16/2009 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Asking, I think you have a great attitude about this, and have taken some important steps to feel better and remedy the external issues that are at hand. It's wonderful that you have been talking with your wife about the money dilemma, and it sounds like she really wants to be a part of the solution. I'm glad to read that your depression is starting to lift a bit, and I wish you continued progress on that, and all the stuff that you're dealing with! Hang in there, and keep posting to us. As you can see, there are a lot of people here who care about you.
Posted 6/17/2009 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
asking

You appear to be doing things to put your situation on a path to better things ahead. I commend you for your attitude. You are stronger than you think. If you and your wife work with the idea of small steps to money matters, you will be surprised at the progress you can achieve. I've been there and done that. It works.
You just have to get started.

For one thing ( and it may seem a waste of time to some ) we have recorded our daily spending on all things purchased for years. I was able to see where I wasted money that way. I'm sure it has helped me and my depression periods, as after a few years I'm sure finances aren't part of my problem. We don't live to keep up with the Jonses. We just avoid the Jones family and their the need to have the best of everything, no matter what it costs. Money is not that important to me anymore. yeah
Posted 6/25/2009 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone.... Im just sort of checking in and updating. You all have been so nice to me I dont want to lose the connection.

I think Im doing a little better.... I have some energy back, am sleeping better but still not as much as I want to..lol... my ability to problem solve and think has returned, somewhat, and that s really good. I think??? I feel better... isnt that odd, I really dont know how I feel though... I only know that I am functioning better... I hope this is just part of the process and I can feel something besides wierd again soon.

The financial stuff is unchanged... I just have resigned myself to know that I will just have to let stuff go (debt etc) I have gone through this before, and it will be a long couple of months of letter writing, credit counseling, maybe bankruptcy if any liens ensue.

On a positive note, I have an appt. next week to have my county "style" medical assistance reinstated... which means I will be able to get my teeth fixed (several root canals) and see a medical Dr. .... maybe get some help with the depression, if there is such help through that program.

I have read so many wonderful posts and replys from the mods... shoot, I am at work and someone wants me to actually do some work..... (((sigh)))) more later.....
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