Addition To Previous Posting

Hello,
i previously posted a forum
"Hello,
i'm new to this site, and i seemed intrested because maybe someone can tell me what i have without going to the doctor, or having to tell my parents.

Here are a few of the things i feel:
1. When rooms are quiet i freak out, like my stomach is going to make a noise and everyone would hear it, so my heart starts to race.
2. I'm almost over it, but i used to be afraid to leave town, i would be scared something would happen, but my boyfriend made me overcome this. well almost
3. I feel like my brother is treated better than me. my parents make me feel bad about myself in a way. like my brother, who is eighteen was dating this girl and my mom said to me " don't make fun of him because hes putting his heart out there" i have been dating my current boyfriend for a year and we previously dated for a year. why didnt she say anything to me about me putting my heart out there, but she claims its my fault for not telling her anything.
and i dont want to talk to her cause i really never have.
4. i love my boyfriend, when were together its great and when we talk its fine, but if he gets mad at me for something i feel really bad because i feel its ALL my fault.
5. i feel like my family and others dont care about me, because i have had to figure things out for me, i feel like my boyfriend and his family are the only ones that matter because they have helped me get through so many hard things in life, i talk to his dad alot, hes like my support. so if him or his family are mad or something i feel really bad like i dont wanna be here anymore because their the only ones that seem to care.


well someone cure me because my boyfriend said my sadness is bringing both of us down and he dosent want that and if it continues he cant be with me anymore.

so help.... "


i would like to add that; i suffer from low self-esteem.
and that i want to go to counciling but i dont want to ask my parents
i tried talking with my mother about things, but she blamed it all back on me saying that "its my fault that i'm not close to her and that she had to go out and get a job, so thats why im close to my dad, which is a complete lie because i am bigger and she never did anything when kids would say i was fat or that i should go and kill myself, thats why i didnt tell her anything, because why would i tell her something when i couldn't trust her to help me with my mental health then.
i think maybe she dosen't understand how to be a mother because she didnt have one, she had died when she was a child.

thanks for the comments because you guys give me hope that i can become better and overcome my problem.

and do you think i need to get med or seek counciling. and if you think coulciling is there a such thing as free online counciling?

agree with akram. a tip, seek many forms of guidance from people. this way you rely less on one, and from this you will learn how to assess situations, people, experiences better. all the best. jamie