MONSTER

I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME.  THIS PAIN IN MY HEAD IS WITH ME EVERYDAY.  I FEEL LIKE IVE CREATED A MONSTER IN MY HEAD.  IVE HAD BREAKDOWNS IN THE PAST BUT THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.  IVE GOT OVER MY LAST 3 BREADOWNS RELATIVELY QUICKLY BUT THIS ONE IS THE LONGEST ONE IVE EVER HAD.  THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SILLY BUT I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS A "VOODOO" DOLL AND IS STICKING PINS IN MY HEAD.  I TALK TO GOD EVERYDAY AND ASK HIM WHAT IS THIS THING IN MY HEAD.  IT STARTED 1 AND A HALF YEARS AGO.  MY MOTHER DIES IN 06 AND I WENT BACK TO WORK AND WORKED ALL OF 07 UNTIL DECEMBER THAT YEAR THATS WHEN I STARTED GETTING THIS PAIN IN MY HEAD. DURING 08 I WAS OFF WORK AND LOOKED AFTER MY DAD. THEN IN NOVEMBER 08 MY DAD DIED AND I GOT WORSE.  I WAS VERY CLOSE TO MY PARENTS AND I LIVED WITH THEM TILL THE AGE OF 47.  I WOKE UP ONE MORNING AT 3 AND WAS CRYING PROFUSELY AND WAS DELIRIOUS. I RANG 000 AND ASKED FOR AN AMBULANCE. I WAS TAKEN TO THE BOX HILL HOSPITAL AND THAT MORNING WAS ADMITTED TO THE MELBOURNE CLINIC FOR 6 WEEKS.  I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE. MAYBE A LITTLE BETTER BUT THIS ILLNESS IS DOMINATING MY LIFE.  I AM SO SCARED IM NOT GOING TO GET BETTER I AM TERRIFIED.  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME.  SO FAR THEY HAVE DIAGNOSED ME WITH MAJOR DEPRESSION.  I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE TO MY DOCTOR WHAT IVE GOT ANYMORE I AM TAKEN MEDICATION BUT IT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  I USE TO BE SO WELL. THE DOCTORS SAY THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS DEATH BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A GREAT CHANGE IN MY LIFE.  I FEEL LIKE OVERDOSING BUT PART OF ME DOESNT WANT TO BUT THIS IS DESTROYING ME.  HAS ANYONE GOT ANY ADVICE PLEASE?

 

Bella,

First of all I am sorry you are feeling so stressed out.  Are you in therapy?  Do you have friends you can talk to or call to be with you and share your feelings?

I know the CBT Online is posted often, have you worked through the program?

Perhaps you need a change in your medication. 

E couch is another free online therapy you can work from home.  Here is the link:

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

How about doing something just for you. A complete body massage is one of the best remedies for stress. Stress can cause headaches and body pain. A good body massage can relax the muscles and improve blood circulation in the body. This will give tremendous relief in body pain and stress.

Remember you are a very important member of the HW family and we all want you to feel better.

FYI, gentle reminder, rule 15: 15. No SHOUTING.  Remember, using ALL CAPITAL LETTERS in posts is considered yelling and rude, plus it is difficult to read.

Thank you for your understanding.

Health & Happiness,
Kitt

Bella, first off, you really do need to try and calm down and listen to what people are telling you here, especially the moderators. Secondly, if you don't mind my asking, what medications are you taking? The voodoo pins in your head thing may be a side affect of some sort and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to call your doctor. Thirdly, have you considered talking to, maybe, a pastor or someone? Everyone is here for you (I happen to know that first hand) so just keep writing. best wishes to you and I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you to everyone who responded to my letter.  It was such a great relief to hear from all of you and giving me all your advice.  Sorry I typed in capitals, it wasn't because i was trying to be rude or shout i just had it on capitals.  The mornings are the worse but I then soon pick up.  I will keep you posted.

 

thanks

bella23

 

Bella,

Mornings have always been my hard times too.  I have really fought hard to bring them under control.  Many mornings I used to wake up and the tears would start before I even got out of bed as I did not know what to do with myself or my day.

Now I wake up and I usually give myself permission to come here and check in on all and hopefully I am able to give someone encouragement or just acknowledge their fears and the problems they are having.  It helps me to help others.

Having a very casual job helped me during the school year and I do look forward to doing that again in September.  It gave me a purpose and added meaning to my life. 

I have you in my prayers so stay strong and keep on working on healing.  Remember you are always a work in progress.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

I absolutely, positively, despise mornings!!! I wake so cranky and miserable that I won't even look at myself in the mirror. That's why I like working first shift. I get up before everyone, have my coffee (me time) and then I hop into the shower and get my morning started. Once my shower motivates me, I usually behave like a civilized person. lol Cut yourself some slack and maybe your mornings will get better.