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Posted 7/10/2009 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I haven't been on here for a while, about 6 months or so.  At that time, I was doing really well.  My therapist discontinued our sessions, but told me I was welcome to call her in case I ever needed to talk.  I was prescribed celexa for situational depression about 2 years ago, which I'm still taking.  However my doctor is trying to persuade me to come off of it, as I am in a supportive relationship and have a steady job.  

But, my life has gotten stressful again and I'm falling back down into the spiral again.  I have reconnected with my therapist, who I see once a month.  I am still on the celexa, however I do want to come off it over the next year, so I can become pregant.  My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half.  I'm 34 and he's 30.  We moved in together about six months ago and are now talking about getting engaged.  We went ring shopping the other day and it was very exciting, but very nerve racking.  I'm afraid that he'll walk out on me like my second ex-finance did.  I know he won't but I'm still scared that it won't work out.  

Plus, my boss is about to be shipped over to Iraq, so I will be filling in for him over the next 14 months.  I have an hour commute in the morning and have been working 50+ hour weeks, just to keep my head above water, as I'm now doing both my job and my boss's.  Needless to say, it's been an extremely stressful last few months.

I know I need to exercise and to eat health to stay healthy, but most of the time, I'm just exhausted and don't want to do anything but veg out and watch movies when I finally do have some down time.  I could really use the support of this forum to make it to my next therapist appointment scheduled for next week.

Thanks in advance.     

Posted 7/11/2009 5:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Song,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time lately. I am glad to hear that you have a counselor appointment next week. Try to hang in there over the weekend & just rest. :)

I do understand how hard it is to manage a demanding job & a social life. Maybe you could just have a simple wedding ceremony just to get married & then plan a larger ceremony/reception for a year or two out after things settle down for you a bit. I've had a couple of friends do that & they were very happy b/c they got to be together sooner, but were still able to have the large celebration with their family & friends later on.

Take care & keep posting!
Frances
Posted 7/11/2009 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Frances,

We are talking about having a very small ceremony. My parents and brother and his parents and brother and sister-in-law and their two kids. Or maybe just eloping. I really don't want the extra stress of planning a wedding and he feels that if we get married we have to invite everyone he knows. My family lives about 8 hours away by car, whereas his entire extended family, which is fairly large, are all within 30 minutes away. We haven't even told anybody that we're seriously talking about it, as we both want to make sure that we focus on what we want rather than trying to please everyone else. He keeps saying that we should just take the honeymoon and get married in some exotic location and not worry about inviting anyone! :) But, I don't want to disappoint my mother, as I'm sure she would feel left out if she wasn't there.

We're also in the process of renovating a 200 year old house in exchange for rent. We've gotten a lot accomplished, but with both of our work schedules we really haven't done much on it lately. We've painted both bedrooms, constructed a downstairs bathroom, built a patio, and landscaped the front yard. But, we haven't touched the living room or the upstairs hallway. We've started constructing a mud room, but haven't finished it yet and still need to paint the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom. I worked in the gardens all day on Friday and just vegged out yesterday. This morning I've already cleaned the kitchen and have started the laundry. I seem to go through cycles where one day I'm really productive and then the next I'm exhustated and just need to rest. I guess I just need to listen to my body more and except that I just can't do everything that I want to accomplish in a day.

Thanks for listening!
Posted 7/11/2009 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

It sounds like you are getting a lot accomplished with renovating the house. Sounds beautiful with the landscaping and all. You really have gotten a lot done.

As for the wedding, do what you want. We got married two years ago and only had four people there. it was nice and private. Then we told others after the fact. but I can understand why you would want your mom there. But you could have a small ceremony and then have a larger one later like Fances said. At your leisure.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs Karen
Posted 7/11/2009 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
Sadsong

Hello and wow, you have a lot going on in your life and some really wonderful and exciting things too.

Take a big deep breath and remember everything will be OK.  You answered your own questions re your fear that your fiancee' is going to leave you............so kick that anxiety out the door and enjoy the engagement.  He loves you and you love him.  The wedding is your celebration of your love so do it your way and no regrets.
 

You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings so do not fret about planning your event to make other's happy. 

Take things one step at a time and slow down at work.  Not necessarily slow down how much work you get done but slow down your thoughts.  Stop the racing thoughts and deal with one assignment at a time.

Smile more at work and laugh at yourself.  I always feel good when I can see the humor in myself and in a situation.  

Try meditation for a form of relaxation once a day for 20 minutes. 

Take a walk on your lunch break, use the stairs whenever possible. Get up twenty minutes earlier daily and  do stretching exercises while catching  up on CNN.  Kills two birds with one stone and you will be up to date on the news before you go out the door in the morning.

Leave your job at the office.  When you leave work, your on "your time".  Treasure it and do not worry about what happened at work.  Morning will come soon enough.  Weekends are "you" time.  Your off the clock. turn

OK, now big hugs to you and tell your therapist all. 

Give yourself permission to feel the anxiety and then let it go.

Congratulations to you on your engagement.

With kindest personal regards,
Kitt

Posted 7/13/2009 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much Karen and Kitt,

You both know exactly what to say! Yes, there is a lot going on! I can hardly keep up with it all, no wonder I can hardly keep my head above water. Work was stressful, but I got a lot accomplished today. My boss actually apologized for being grumpy lately, with his upcoming depature, he's still physically there, but he's completely mentally checked out. I think the most frustrating part of it all is that he's getting paid for his job, but I'm the one actually performing all of his duties. Grr! But, I'm sure as soon as he leaves I'll be wishing he was here!

On the positive side, I was actually able to focus on one assignment at a time and finish it. I refused to answer incoming emails, which actually opened up a lot more of my time and I realized all of the things I had been responding to didn't need an immediate response.

However, I'm also still struggling with how to supervise an employee, as now I'm filling on for my boss - I now have one part-time employee who I need to supervise. I helped hire her, but for whatever reason I've always had trouble getting her to complete assignments I've delegated to her in the given timeframe. It does not seem that she completely respects me nor thinks that I have good judgment. It seems like she questions everything decision that I make and practically ignores any task I give her to complete. My supervisor hasn't been supportive on this either, he just keeps telling me that I need to work it out. I would if I know how. But, that's enough about work.

It's funny my boyfriend keeps trying to tell me that I need to find a hobby, so I have something to distract me or focus some of my energy on. He plays golf every Monday, but my schedule is so wacky that it's hard to set aside time each week to take a class or something, since I tend to have frequent night meetings in which I don't get home until midnight. I'd like to get back into doing yoga on a regular basis or join a gym, but I'm more likely to attend something if it's scheduled on a particular day and time. Maybe I should just set aside one night a week, depending on my schedule, for "me time" where I do whatever I want. I think I like that idea!

Thanks for listening - time to make dinner!
Posted 7/14/2009 12:01 AM (GMT 0)

Good Evening,

I am sorry you are dealing with a difficult employee.  As the supervisor you must learn to engage this person and not let the behavior continue.  In my experience responding to a difficult employee in a calm and rational manner has served me well.  Remember when you attritube a positive trait to an employee, the person is more likely to start acting that way regularly.  Be sure to follow through after addressing the issues to make sure the employee understands your expectations. If not revisit the problems and expectations and perhaps even put the expectations in writing.

I like your idea of setting aside an evening once a week just for you. Please do it and make sure nothing other then an emergency keeps you from your special time.

Take care and gentle hugs,

Kitt

 

Posted 7/14/2009 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
Song,
I think Kitt gave you really great advice about making sure to find ways to compliment the employee. Look hard & find something nice to say to them about their work, no matter how small. Besides that, you could try setting smaller goals & checking in with the employee at different stages of the project. Let him/her know when they are making great progress. Sometimes at the start that means setting your standard low enough that they can reach it & then start raising expectations.
I know for me & a lot of my co-workers, sometimes something simple like the boss bringing in coffee or doughnuts for the department went a long way towards endearing us towards her. She would bring them in & send out an email saying something like:
"Donuts are on the table by the printer as a treat for today as we all work on getting the ABC project completed ahead of schedule. If you have any questions about the project requirements, please stop by my office. I will be checking in with each of you throughout the day." She had 3 employees to supervise, but I think you could do something similar in a more informal way saying that you got donuts/coffee/whatever for the both of you as a treat to keep you going while you work on the project together (maybe you even want to ask her what her favorite is the day before). I will say if you are not already contributing to some part of the project, that taking a piece of it on will almost certainly go a long way to building good will.

Other than that, try to get to know her. See what she wants out of her job. Does she like getting recognized? Is she hoping to get trained in certain areas? Is it a stepping stone to a higher position? Is she saving up to go back to school? Does she enjoy flexible hours? Then you can see whether there is some way that you can connect completing certain tasks back to her overall goal.

I know it's not much, but I hope some of those ideas help. If not, let me know & I can suggest some other ideas. I'm pretty sure I have some websites about managing employees saved somewhere, so I will also try to find that & will post it if I find it.

Best wishes -- I know you'll do great!
Frances
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