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Posted 7/24/2009 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
hello all
i am new to this so im not sure what all to say.
I have had alot go on in my life here recently and sometimes i just dont think i can take much more.
im trying to go to college and i am engaged.
i have had to go through court with him over a situation that really want his fault.
but now he is in the hay house
(and im sure most of you dont really know what that is but its like a jail in a way just more leniant)
anyways he is my best friend and i really dont have anyone else in my life.
my friends left me because i was with him and now that hes gone i feel all alone in this little town and i really dont know what to do.
he will be in there for at least three months time
i really wont be able to see him much for at least a month
ill get to see him a total of 4 hours in a month and this is driving me crazy
and on top of that im in a financial mess that i just cant get out of.
i cant make enough money to help myself and him too
i work all the time and trying to help him get on his feet and making sure he has what he needs while hes in there until he finds a job
his mom really doesnt help him much and im left to take care of him.
hes going through therapy sessions too while hes there and i really feel like i need that too.
we have our issues but were trying to get things right.
i know he will change quite a bit being where he is and i know i will too while hes away.
were hoping to move in together and all when he gets out but im really not for sure how long they will keep him in there.
i just really need someone to talk to me and keep me sane.
ive cried for two days now and i cant stop thinking about everything thats going on.
please someone help me.
two nervous breakdowns in two days.
i feel like im falling apart
like nothing is going right
Posted 7/24/2009 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
hi there,
take it one day at a time. He's only there for 12 weeks, you'll get thru it, as will he. what are you studying in college, will he be able to get a job and help you out financially then.
If you are both commited to making it work that's what will have to happen.
You sound like you're taking on an awful lot of responsibilty, work, college and a partner in need.
I'm sure you do love him, but sometimes, we have to put ourselves first in order to obtain the best in a relationship.
Are you both young, can you wait a few years before getting married, take it easy and try not to get bogged down with the future.
Posted 7/24/2009 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
we are both young. im 20 and he will be 22 in september.
we arent getting married until next year at the earliest.
and i should focus on myself.
but i never really have been able to.
so i really dont know how and i know that sounds dumb.
ive always had to take care of others.
like my grandmother.
i havent had parents my whole life. they left me when i was young.
so ive had to take responsibility and take care of others.
i know he will help me once he can get a job.
i kinda feel this is a test to our relationship.
were making sure that we can be together no matter what comes between us in a way.
i just things would be better if i didnt have all these things on me at once.
Posted 7/24/2009 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
hi,
I hope things improve for you and it's good you're waiting till next year to wed. Take things very slowly. I'm sure you must feel very responsible for everyone, if you were caring for your grangmother and your parents weren't around that can't be easy.
How long are you with your fiance, you shouldn't need to test your relationship, when your not with someone long, things shouls be easy.
You are recognising that you need to put yourself first, this is good. The one way you can focus on taking care of yourself is by getting your education and making sure you have enough for yourself, money, etc. You can make new friends when you start college and should join a few clubs and get a social life independant of your partner. This is acceptable and normal, it'll give you confidence and a new out look on life. Never settle for someone just because they got you out of a bad situation and you feel you owe them something.
You need to get your self comfidence and self esteem up and running. I know you want to be there for him, but you also have to protect yourself from getting dragged down, i don't mean he will, it's just sometimes we can loose ourselves in others problems.
I have stepped away from my mother as there isn't anything i can do anymore to save her from a situation she is in.
Make time for yourself and take care, i you can stay in touch, talk soon.
Posted 7/25/2009 12:21 AM (GMT 0)
hello! im so sorry ur n such a bad place right now. notice i said RIGHT NOW! things will get better. you have already gotten great advice from "Boo". i agree with everything said. its very difficult to b by urself. but, it wont b forever. it sounds like u have alot of positive things u r working toward. please know that u r not alone and that people do care. take care of urself. post again whever u feel like it. its good that u r reaching out 4 help. im glad u r here.
Posted 7/25/2009 5:21 AM (GMT 0)

rockerchic1707 said...
we are both young. im 20 and he will be 22 in september.
we arent getting married until next year at the earliest.
and i should focus on myself.
but i never really have been able to.
so i really dont know how and i know that sounds dumb.
ive always had to take care of others.
like my grandmother.
i havent had parents my whole life. they left me when i was young.
so ive had to take responsibility and take care of others.
i know he will help me once he can get a job.
i kinda feel this is a test to our relationship.
were making sure that we can be together no matter what comes between us in a way.
i just things would be better if i didnt have all these things on me at once.

From HARA: I'm sorry for what has come to terms. But you should be helping yourself and do your schoolwork without so many distractions. You need to learn how to help yourself before you can really help others.

Posted 7/25/2009 8:37 AM (GMT 0)

hi :-)

I hope you found the above advise helpful, let us know how you feel, and stay in touch.

boo

Posted 7/25/2009 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there sweetie,

I know that this is hard, but the time will go by and you will be together again. If you don't mind, what is he in jail for? If you are not comfortable answering that question, I understand.

As stated above, you do need to focus on school. This is so important right now. So keep the nose to the grindstone. You will survive this.

Remember, as stated above, take care of you first. And know that we are here to support you. I was a caregiver too, like you, and often let myself go. That is no good. You get too stressed out. Just study hard, and the rest will fall into place.

Best wishes my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/25/2009 1:27 PM (GMT 0)
thank you all.
i really do need some positivity in my life.
and no one really gives this to me except for my fiance.
and i dont have anyone else to really talk to
and i figured it was best i found a place that would help me and talk to me through all this.
and this was the only thing i really found and im glad i did.
everyones advice has really helped me.
its helped me to try and keep my head up and be strong.
i wait for his phone call everyday.
and just hearing him helps me too.
anyways
its a long story about how he got into all this mess but i will tell you all
2 years ago he moved here from virginia to live with his mother
and we met and have been together ever since.
well he didnt have a car so he didnt get his license here in tennessee
well he worked for an employer who did body work on cars like paint jobs and such.
well he told him to take a customers car and follow him to his house and do some yard work for some extra money.
on his way back he got pulled over for speeding.
so his employer said he stole the car (which his boss was the one that has the keys to each car. the employees didnt. he had to give him the keys to the car)
and where he was doing yard work he had a knife to cut some weeds and such that the weedeater didnt get. and it was 1\4 of an inch too long for a legal blade.
and he didnt have his license
so he was charged with theft over 1000
driving on suspended license
possession of a weapon
and speeding.
and this employer he worked for that did this to him has been in jail more than hes been out.
hes nothing but a crook.
Posted 7/25/2009 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
That is too bad about how your boyfriend went to jail. That doesn't seem fair. I hope that he gets out soon so that the two of you can be together.

Either way, I am glad that you feel better. And I am glad that you keep posting so that we can be a support system for you.

Keep up the good work. But remember to take care of you first. It isn't selfish, just a good thing to do.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/25/2009 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
im trying the best way that i can.
i really do need to focus on school and i go sign up for classes thursday
and i do get to see him some next week so im hoping that will help me with this too
i get to see him tomorrow and im looking forward to it.
im hoping to hear from him later on today
all i know to do is just be patient
and im in this for the long run and to see where this leads us
i have gotten some of my financial situation worked out somewhat
im hoping to have it all cleared up within the next couple of weeks.
Posted 7/25/2009 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
hi, you said you're looking for positivity, well you're finding it. Getting your finances sorted and looking forward to seeing your fiance will help.
My only comcern for you is that your not putting yourself first, but i also understand how difficult that can be sometimes. Never let any other person whether parent, partner, child, drag you away from what you want.
He sounds like a good guy that just got caught up in an unfortunate situation.
I wish you the best and remember, you have us here to help you along, you've spent long enough helping everyone else.
boo
Posted 7/25/2009 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Boo on this. You need to put your needs first. I know that is hard. But if you do that, you will eventually be stronger for everybody else. I know that you are going through. I have been there. Take care of you first. And don't let yourself feel selfish. You are not.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/27/2009 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
i want to say thank you for all the help.
its really helping me get through this and focus on different things.
i have been trying to stay busy.
i do hear from him everyday and thats really helping me.
soon he will be able to have home passes where he can come to the house for an hour or so
his mother has finally decided to help me with his needs and all so thats somewhat off of me now
i have been trying to go out like to the lake and just be in a peaceful environment
i just cant stand staying at home anymore
i dont like all the negativity and all that im getting from my grandmother anymore
hopefully i will be able to get a place soon so i can be on my own and i think things will be better
it will be hard at first but i really do think i can do it
and i really do think that he will help me out too once he gets a job.
they are letting me take him job hunting this week so i am thankful for that
and i am doing too much for people.
i am trying to do things for myself but i keep getting put down and alot of different things have been said and it upsets me
but i cant help out everyone anymore
ive gotten to the point i can only take care of myself and thats it
Posted 7/27/2009 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
And taking care of yourself will give you more energy to help the ones that you love. So it is a win win situation.

Good luck with helping him with job hunting. That is so cool that they will let you do that.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/27/2009 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
thank you.
i also have another problem that im having too.
i really dont want to eat or anything.
and i dont know why i dont have an appetite
it kinda bothers me.
im always this way when im away from him.
i dont understand it.
and i cant really be happy either
i dont know why i am this way and i think it has alot to so with stress but im not for sure.
Posted 7/27/2009 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
I think that it is time that you learn to love yourself so that you can be happy with or without him. I know that being around him makes you feel better. But you want that feeling to eventually come from within yourself.

Try to eat light things like nibble on some fruit or raw vegatables. I know that it is hard to eat right now, but you have to keep up your strength. What about protien shakes? Can you do them? Give it a try, especially since you don't have an appetite.

Best wishes

Hugs, Karen
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