Declaring Bankruptcy ... i'm scared

Oh Frances, how awful this whole saga is! Im living at home with my parents paying off my stupid credit card debts and EVERY time the phone rings i freak out cos I know it will be the bank having a go at me, or one of the other financial institutions.

I cannot imagine losing a house. You said you wished you could earn your place on earth- lovely,  please dont beat yourself up, you deserve to be here and to reap the benefits of a full and happy life just as much as the next person. you are totally worthy of happiness and good fortune. right now when its dark, you gotta fight. You are so much stronger than you know.

Unfortunately life throws so many curve balls- i can honestly say i think you are amazing for doing so well for so long under your circumstances.

Im sending prayers heavenward for you-  Im sorry I cant do more.

(((((((hugs))))))) from down under-

Maz XX

Dear Frances, I am sorry for all the problems you are going through.  This has been going on for you for some time and I know the best for you is to have peace of mind.  As you said the bank doesn't own your mortgage.  No one has the right to break into your home and sell your things.  You have not been forclosed or had forclosing procedures started yet. Do you have a friend or neighbor who can watch your house while you work?  Make sure you have good locks.  While backruptcy will solve a lot of your problems I think it is wise to sit down with the lawyer and find out everything he has to say. He probably has some good ideas for you. Only if you have been evicted can the sheriff come and remove things from your home and this is not the case and the sheriff can only put your things out of the house not sell them.  Anyone who breaks into your home would be committing an illegal act. No one has the right to enter your home without your permission.  I would stop talking to the bank or any one else. The only agency that can take and sell your things is the IRS and that would be if you have unpaid back taxes and fines. I know how terribly hard this is on you.  Just take a deep breathe and meet with that lawyer ASAP.  You need to know where you stand on all these issues.  And if Freddie Mac owns your mortgage you are entitled to the benefits from the government.  Please don't do anything in haste without good advice. Bancruptcy will lower your credit rating and could possible prevent you from renting a place or finding another permanent job.  So please proceed with caution. My heart goes out to you and I say prayers for you and hope that you will soon have the peace of mind that will help you get a new start. Please let me know how your talk with the lawyer goes. I think it is time for the lawyer to start coming down hard on the bank and threatening them with legal action if they don't stop calling you. Frances, you are a good person who has done nothing wrong.  Like so many of us you have financial problems.  That is nothing to feel guilty about. It has happened to so many people across the country for circumstances out of their control. So try to take this one step at a time with the help of your lawyer. I know there is an answer for you that will help solve all of this. Please try to take care of yourself.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Post Edited (Aurora60) : 7/24/2009 8:26:21 AM (GMT-6)

gosh, that's a lot to handle.
we get through nearly losing our house this year and the bank almost forclosed on us. we managed to raise the funds to get them off our backs till september but i sure know the fear and anxiety of trying to keep it all together.
take care and i hope you can get help.
boo

Hi Frances, I am so sorry for all the continued stress you have been under. It’s no wonder it has affected your job, and I know in some ways it is affecting your health, too. I absolutely think you are doing the right thing. I had a family member declare bankruptcy, too, and she is doing just great now. You really will be able to come back after this, I promise you. (((hugs))) Please don’t feel guilty…..you have done the best that you could under the circumstances you were given in your life, and you have nothing to feel guilty about . You have such a giving, loving spirit, and that is surely evident here at HW…..and if anyone deserves good karma, it is you. I firmly believe when these things happen that it is a time of transition….and as hard as things are right now, I know in my heart that you are going to be just fine. After all that I have read of your story over the past few months, I have to say you are one of the strongest people I know. You will survive this, and indeed thrive when all is said and done. I’m thrilled to know you have a good attorney now, and I know you will feel much more empowered and secure after establishing a plan with him and getting things in order. You know you are in my prayers, and we are all here to support you.

Well, I called my uncle b/c I thought he would be supportive & also explain a bit more about what bankruptcy's like.  He told me it was a chance for me to learn to be a better person & that if I were more like the others in my family, I wouldn't be having these problems.  He got really mad & yelled at me for being so depressed.  I am just really struggling with all of this.  It is so hard.  I feel like I don't belong anywhere.  I don't belong to my family.   I don't belong to a workplace.  I don't belong to my neighborhood(a couple of my neighbors were out talking with the guy who came to my house from the bank & now it is the hot gossip talk of the block).  I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere.  I know people say they would miss me, but I think after a week or two of saying appropriately sad things, no one would give it a second thought.  Their lives would be so much better & they would be happier, and I just wouldn't exist.

Sometimes I think about becoming one of those cloistered nuns.  It's not my religion, but sometimes I feel like I have taken a vow of silence.  It seems like no one wants to talk to me (except the hateful people from the bank).  Maybe if I chose to live like that it wouldn't feel so awful.  But I'm pretty sure they probably wouldn't want me in their community either. 

For anyone who thinks that the government HAS to work with you, I used to think the same thing.  But like everything else in life, there's a catch.  You have to be pretty close to being able to make your monthly payments.   In my case, there is too great of a difference between what little I make & my bills (esp. the mortgage & Condo Assessments).  So they won't help me that way.  They did say I could try for a short-sale, which supposedly won't ding my credit as much (though I've already fallen from the mid-7's to the low-4's so I'm not sure I can fall too much more -- I think mid-3's is the lowest you can go); I just don't think I have it in me to be showing my house & keeping it immaculate all the time.  I am feeling so run down & the calls do not stop just b/c I have it listed.  I just don't know what to do.  The meds are keeping me from spiraling completely out of control, but these thoughts just play non-stop in my mind all night long.  I try to change them & sometimes even can calm down enough to drift off to sleep for 20 minutes or so, but then I wake up from a nightmare where I am dreaming the same horrible thoughts I was thinking when I was awake.  I am just so sleepy & tired of all this chaos.  I can't even think straight.

Lest anyone think I am not appreciative of your comments, know that I am.  I am having a hard time hearing them right now b/c I am so very upset, but I am sure that when I am able to get some rest I will be glad to read all the wonderful things you all have written.  I am going to try to muster up the energy to visit some old college friends tomorrrow evening.  I guess we'll see how that goes.  I'm supposed to meet with my credit card bank tomorrow morning (they're nice, no worries) to try to talk about my situation.  They have been the one saving grace in all of this, helping me to discern the many lies I have been hearing from my mortgage company and getting me connected with free housing counselors (who, as it turned out, were later referred me by Freddie Mac -- it was kinda funny b/c they called & I said I was already working with them).  I'm not under the illusion that they can do very much for me, but I do want to keep working with them b/c at least they have been nice & are trying to work out a mutually agreeable solution for the debt I have with them.  Ironically enough, that debt is from counselors, psychiatrists & hospitals.  It turns out that depression is an expensive illness & those costs will haunt you for years.  It's hard b/c I feel like I can never really escape those months due to the enormous debt.  The counselors can sometimes be the worst people to work with for debts (not always, I have some who have been nice, but others who, while not as nasty as the bank, are still quite unpleasant).  I get to thinking about how I got into all of this debt in the first place & why my savings account has been empty for many months & all it does is remind me of the really, really horrible stays at the hospital.  I can't even go into all the details of it due to the rules, but suffice it to say that the other patients were quite violent & I was terrified the whole time I was in there.  I had to lie to get out each time & I feel guilty about that to this day.  I wish I could just erase those memories entirely b/c there is nothing good to come of them.  They just make me feel scared & anxious & ashamed.  And then I go back to remembering my debt situation & I feel even more so.  Oh, I'm just so tired.

Frances,

Your Uncle is an idiot.  Plain and simple.............baah !

You have one place you belong and fit in very well.  Right here with all of us as you understand us and we understand you. 

Now I would not choose the nunnery my friend but perhaps the Tibetan monks as I hear their life is so peaceful..................   The view from their mountain tops is awesome too.  So if you do join them take me with you.

I am in no way down playing your situation as I know you are truly struggling but do remember we are here and we support and care for you.  If I could I would gladly help you get your home ready to show and be there to hold your hand.  So remember I am with you in spirit.

Forever yours faithfully,

Kitt

Dear Frances,  Please know you are in my prayers and I am hoping for the best for you to resolve your situation.  I guess I would only say to deal with the people you can trust.  Make the decision that is right for you.  Your uncle is certainly no help so don't bother with him.  If bankruptcy is what is necessary then find out from a reliable source how to go about doing that.  It may be necessary to get your peace of mind back.  And with it all the bills will disappear, even medical bills.  Then you can start fresh. If I could I would help you more but I think the best I can do is let you know I am behind you with full support and only wish for you to achieve the relief and peace you deserve.  Frances, please know that you are a very good and kind person.  You have so much to offer.  Don't listen to anyone who is negative to you.  Try to stay positive and know that all your HW friends want only to help lift you up.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Cass,
I will call my attorney on Monday to see about getting a throw phone or something. My mom said I could give her the money & she will buy it for me. I'm thinking of asking my sister to do that for me since she is married & has a different last name. My attorney says they're pretty darn crafty at finding ways to track down your phone number, so I need to be extra crafty to beat them at their own game. ;) I will see what I can do to throw them off my track. What's worse is that I've now found out that starting in August the mortgage people will start sending back my mortgage checks until my account is paid in full. I think that's a pretty crazy way to get around the law in Illinois which says that unless you are 3 full months behind on your mortgage they can't foreclose on you. I'm just so sick of these crafty little demons.

Aurora,
Thanks for your support. You're right about my medical bills going away too. I told my current doctor that I will make sure that he gets paid the $200 I owe him, but the other $12K that has been on my credit cards for 2 years (from the MHW's) will finally be gone. That wasn't my goal in all of this, but maybe it is the silver lining in all these stormy times.

Kitt/Karen,
I will try to be better about cutting these negative people out of my life. I had done that for quite a while, but I've just been too tired to fight them later. I just got so upset after that phone call to my uncle. I felt so horrible & discouraged. He told me that I should just listen to him b/c my attorney was "too nice". I like my attorney. He is no non-sense. He takes all the emotion out of this & understands how this could be so upsetting to someone who is already fighting MDD. I like him a lot. He's been really straight with me about the negatives of filing for bankruptcy, but I really need these phone calls & visits to stop and apparently this is the only way I can make that happen under my state's laws.
I tried explaining to the bank that I needed them to give me a bit of a break from the phone calls & that if I miraculously came up with $3K, I would send them a check, but that otherwise there wasn't even any benefit to them calling & visiting me all the time. I asked them whether a letter from a psychiatrist or counselor would help convince them to stop calling, they told me they would keep calling & threatening me, but that if I felt suicidal after their calls I could call 911. How stupid is that! Rather than putting me in that state of crisis, why can't they just back off on the calls for a while? Of course there are numbers & people I can call if I'm feeling really awful. I know that. I used to work for a crisis line, so I'm well aware of all the resources out there & I use them when I need them, but I just think it is a really stupid policy on their part. That's like telling someone you are going to keep beating them with a bat, but if they have broken bones at the end of it, they can call 911. Why not just refrain from hitting them with a bat in the first place if you are so concerned that they do not suffer any horrible dangers to their health or life? ARRGGGHHH! It is all just so frustrating! I don't know what I would do without the support of everyone here.

Raniah/Boo/Cass,
Thank you also for your support. It means more to me than I can express. Cass, I will check my email for your message. Thanks so much!


I did get together with some friends today to chat, have dinner & pray. I feel a bit better as a result & am going to try to stick to a more positive path & try to only talk or spend time with people who can help me stay a bit more upbeat. I don't think my family was trying to make me so upset, but they just really seem to choose the worst ways to "support" me in my fight against depression. I think right now when things are at their worst, I need to be spending more of my time here & with other supportive people in my life, and less time with the negative, accusatory people in my life.

thanks again to all!
Frances

Hi Frances, read your posts and am glad you are asking for help. Your attorney sounds like he can help you.  Just a suggestion about the phone calls.  The bank does not have the right to harrass you. Try changing your phone but here is an idea you can try.  Do you have an answering machine?  If so how about caller ID?  I get many soliciting phone calls and what I do is let my machine pick up the call and then if I don't recognize the phone # I just erase the message. That way you don't have to listen to them.  You can also turn the ringer off so you don't even hear the phone. Or you can set up a ring pattern to use with friends. Two rings and they hang up and then you can call them back. There are ways around these phone calls.  Another thing I do is I will pick up the phone and immediately disconnect the call.  They call back but after doing this several times they give up.  If you are not home leave your answering machine off. They can't leave a message it they can't get through. I have a problem with calls because someone got a hold of several of my credit card #s and tried charging everything from athletic shoes  to thousands in airline tickects.  I had to file a police report.  Luckily I have ID and fraud protection so I am not liable for any of the charges. But these people are still trying to get to me. I had to cancel all my cards and get knew ones and I just pay with cash now.  No more charging or internet shopping. I truly understand the despair of getting upsetting phone calls but if you are careful you can start to avoid all this harrassment.  Most important at this stage is leave the work up to the attorney.  You need to get healthy and have your peace.  I hope this helps in some way.  Continuing to say prayers for you. Just another thought, Frances, what about getting a cell phone with a minimun package for emergency calls only?  that is what I have and I always have the phone turned off.  I only use it if I am out and need to get ahold of someone or if I have a panic attack and need to call one of my sons. No one can call you on a phone that is turned off.

Hugs,

Aurora

Post Edited (Aurora60) : 7/26/2009 3:07:14 PM (GMT-6)