im changing...

ive noticed that i have been changing quite a bit here lately
ive noticed im not so happy like i use to be
i have no reason to smile anymore
i just feel like an empty shell anymore
i try to go and do things that use to make me happy
like being out on the lake and spending time with people
but its not helping
no matter how many people i have around me i feel all alone
several people have noticed this change in me and for some
they feel concerned and worried that something is wrong with me
but i dont know why i feel like this
i feel so drained and i have no motivation to want to do anything
i use to be a happy person and make jokes and make others smile
but now im so serious about things
and i dont really want to be
i dont smile and i barely laugh anymore
i feel like im a zombie
and its starting to bother me
i cant find anything to make me feel better
to help me cheer up for even one minute
anyone have any suggestions?

well all i do is work
and ive been spending time with a friend of mine
going to the lake and just being out on the water
going to movies and just hanging out
i dont stay home because all i hear is arguing and negativity
and i still hear it when im away
i just dont have motivation to go do things like i use to
i use to want to go and do all kinds of things but it seems like i really dont care what i do anymore
because nothing makes me happy
i cant even smile at work or cut up with customers like i use to
theyve all noticed it and now everyone seems concerned and it makes me concerned too
im not who i use to be
i dont know what to do

i dont sleep much really
i cant really eat either
and i cant go see a doctor
i no longer have insurance and i cant afford to go
i need to find out whats wrong with me and why im feeling this way so often
its affecting everyone around me
and my job
i probably do need to see a doctor though
this has been going on for at least two weeks now.
thats when i joined the healing well program
to see if someone can help me and be able to talk to me

i have food and ill just eat something small.
like a few crackers or something
but thats about all i eat all day long
i have no appetitie
i try to make myself eat something because i know it isnt good for me not to eat.
im drinking water with vitamins and such in them to help me have some energy
im trying not to be this way but i feel there is nothing else left for me to try and do just to make me happy
im trying to keep myself busy with something
just to have something to do
to help me try to have motivation

i will try that and see if it helps.
well im doing extra things at work
im like assistant manager there
and just trying to be around people i care about
some are hard to see at the moment
and trying to focus on going to school the end of the month
but thats not helping either
its making me more stressed i believe
and trying to make ends meet is hard right now to
not just for me but for everyone
other than that im trying to meet some new people but i feel like theyre getting a bad impression of me where ive had this problem

I think you're terrific to keep doing these things even though you're feeling so dreadful, Rockerchic. It's almost as if you intuitively know what you need to do, and that's great.

One strategy I am using to pull myself out of my latest slump is to draw up a checksheet for each week, and I get to give myself a tick / sticker / smily face / whatever for every day I do self-care techniques like:

* making an effort to smile, even though I don't feel like it
* talking to someone
* do relaxation exercises

and a few other things that are more specific to my other illnesses. Smiling does get easier, the more you try to do it. It might feel completely fake, but it does get easier...

Rockerchick, here is a link to MoodGYM, which I believe is one of the free resources that the depression mods refer new members to.

The depression forum seems very quiet at the moment, so would you like to look at MoodGYM while you're waiting for some of the other depression members to come and talk to you?

I'll still be here, of course, but I do feel that there's a limit to what I can do to help you, because I don't know as much about depression as the regular members here do.

Ivy.

Hi Rockerchic,

I see that Ivy has introduced you to mood gym. That is awesome. I hope that you checked it out. It is completely free and I have heard good things about it.

I am sorry that you are feeling down. But it does seem like you are doing things to raise above it. That is the best that you can do. It is evident that you are trying hard.

You might want to check with your local mental health offices and see it there are any programs where you can get fee help. Or at least low cost. Many times they have a program for low income people. It is so hard when you can't afford to get help.

You might find that you will benefit from some type of medication or even counseling. It sounds like you are still on the top side of things. And that you can recognize what is going on. I think that brisk walks helps a lot. Can ;you get out and walk some. It doesn't have to be a lot. Even five minutes a day.

Ivy is right when she says that you should eat something other than crackers. Please do yourself a favor and get some fruit and/or some fresh vegatables. You need to eat. Your food intake has a lot to do with the way that you feel.

Please keep posting, as we are here for you.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen

I'm glad I helped, Rockerchic.

It's terrific to hear that you're eating some fresh fruit and veg again. That's a terrific and important step towards recovery.

Please remember that this isn't going to be a problem you can fix overnight; it's going to take patience and a lot of babysteps (and perhaps some professional help too) to overcome this... but I think you will get there, Rockerchic.

Could we talk some more about sleep? How are you going there? Do you have any strategies that can help you relax, even if you're not sleeping? For instance, I listen to relaxation tapes, and if they don't work, I might listen to books on tape, as they can at least make my brain shut up and give me *some* chance of resting and maybe falling asleep.

Keep hanging in there,

Ivy.