talking with a therapist......where to begin?

Newbie here.  I'm just going to dive right in.  I'm almost 40.  Married with a teenage son. 

I've been suffering w/ depression for awhile now.  Have been on and off meds for awhile too.  I get temp. relief from them.  But things have gotten worse in the last year.  And I have recently started talking with a therapist.  But I don't even know how to start.  I don't really want to talk about things that truely matter because....  it hurts to much.  Everything makes me cry.  But, I know I NEED to.   So far we've touched on a few things.  ADD, OCPD are at the top of the list. 

So, what to I talk about?  I feel sad about everything.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I mean, I know I'm unhappy and irritable.  I know I'm not a pleasant person to be around anymore.  I can't handle ANY stress.  I'm overwhelmed even by little things.  And I don't believe I'm this way for a specific thing or reason.  Do I just start off the session by telling him all the things I hate about myself, my life or like I am confessing my sins or something? 

How/where do I begin?  I need a starting point.  Do I just blurt something out? 

Thank you so much for your reply. I have talked to therapist a handful of times now. And like you, I am exhausted afterwards. And usually tear up. I end up changing the subject because I don't want to feel these emotions anymore. But obviously it hasn't worked and I need to get help.

Okay, I saw my therapist yesterday. And I ALMOST opened up. But by the time I had the courage to do so my session was almost over so I didn't. I didn't want to get started on something right before walking out the door. I spent most of the day lost in thoughts afterwards. And did alot of crying and basically avoided everything. I didn't have it in me. Wasted time again.

I am going back to the therapist today. In a moment of anxiety/panic whatever...... thinking it's now or never, I won't go back otherwise. I called and scheduled an appointment. Now I wish I hadn't because it's not like I am at the end of my rope. Just a moment of anxiety. But it's too late to cancel.

What should I say when I go? I feel stupid now.

I think you should tell the therapist exactly what you've shared here. If it's easier, print out this topic and let him read it. It's typical for people to take a while to get comfortable with the therapy setting. He's seen it before.

But really .... if you talk about these things and get them out ..... I think you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel. I know therapy has done me a lot of good.

And please don't be so hard on yourself. You're not stupid .... or any of those negative things that you're telling yourself.

That's part of the value of therapy - to break up that negative feed back loop we put ourselves in.

just to let you know, my first appt with my psychiatrist was rather indifferent. i had a rather rambling mish mash conversation with him. the conversation was about me driving in my car to churches in the wee hrs, to talking about the cemetries i visited. and other stuff. the indifference was for that 50 minutes i uttered not a single word. it was recorded on one of those little dictaphone things. he said he would see me in a month, which i did. he ended being my therapist for four and a half yrs.

with loving compassion.

jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Congratulations on going back for your appointment.  I know how you feel about putting your feelings into words..........it somehow makes it real.  I still have days where I do not want to believe I have depression and just want to be what I percieve as "normal".  I have had to accept that this is normal for me and that is not easy even after all the years of dealing with depression.

I am glad you are feeling better today.  Take care and keep on talking with us.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Hi Polarsmom:  I have always been curious about my surroundings and even my therapist has mentioned how much I always pick up upon.  Her therapy area is very homey and she has many pictures of her friends and one or two of her son.  Additionally, she has beautiful paintings and art work on her wall and about a year ago, she put in a wooden chair that was beautifully painted by an artist in town.  In the very beginning when I started with her, I would often comment upon her pictures or question her on a book or two that she had in her bookcase.  Once I even commented on a clothing flier she had on her desk.

I'd suggest taking a look at your therapists surroundings.  By having him/her explain or comment on some of their things you might get some insight about them personally.  And that might help you feel a little more safe and comfortable.

I hope this helps!

Cass

 

I schedule my appointment on the lightest/most flexible day of my week.  And I do allow myself time before/after to get myself together.   I have a hard time relaxing when I get there.  I guess because I am not really sure what I am supposed to do.   And feel odd telling someone my thoughts/feelings in person.  I am not looking to become 'friends' or anything like that w/ my therapist.  Just would like to find a few things that we have in common.   Something I can ask about or mention when I first sit down. 

Do I ask.... How are you?  How was your weekend?  And then say well, so and so really ticked me off and I just about lost it when this happened.  Ya know what I mean?  I guess I just don't know what to expect.  What typically goes on.   And I don't want to be "one of those patients" that they dread sitting with. 

How do normally begin your sessions? 

man, questions!!!!!!!!! pages.......with extensive notes and extensive homework also!!!!!!!! jamie. got to feed the brain!!!!!!!!!

Hi Polarsmom

I think it is perfectly fine to ask your therapist how are you today? I would not go into asking any personal questions as the therapy is for you and it is ok to ask about how the therapist thinks you are doing? If you see something in the office I.E. art work etc. that you like certainly make a comment.

If she asks you a question and you just don't have an answer just say so.  I would do that as some of the questions just stumped me.  My therapist would ask what makes me feel good or feel bad  so try not to overthink your sessions. 

I thought I was suppose to go home and practice things we talked about and ways to cope with others but she told me all the therapy would take place in her office and I did not have home work.  She was teaching me tools to use to help me deal with my depression and feelings of low self-esteem.  The biggest thing I learned was to stay in the moment, in the present and not dwell on the past as it is over.  The future is not yet here so stay in the moment which is right now.

It is natural to feel anxious re talking  to a complete stranger and pour out you feelings but the more you get to know your therapist the easier it gets for you.

Take care  my friend and know you are completely normal.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

yes to you cbear. over 6yrs of therapy, been where you are! proud of you and polarsmom!! it does get easier over time. remember one thing, therapists are human too!! jamie. 

it is, jamie. you are on the right track. keep posting, jamie

 It seems I have a pattern going.  Every other appointment is when I have a melt down.  There will be something really stressful going on in my life.  And it'll consume me.  And then the next appointment I'm doing better.  Problem has been resolved.  I kinda feel like I'm just chatting about stuff that doesn't matter. 

Is this normal?  It is nice to have what I'd like to call a "good day".   

 

polarsmom

I understand what you are saying. Depression is tricky and we may have weeks where everything is fine and we wonder why we need therapy but then we find ourselves feeling down again.

I have gone months and felt great and then all of a sudden I am feeling very down.  This is why sticking with therapy is important.  We learn tools and ways to deal with our thoughts and we also have a safe place to go to talk about our feelings.

If you are having any doubts about your therapy please do discuss it with your therapist.

There are many different types of therapy.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt