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Posted 9/13/2009 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
HI, IM NEW TO THIS AND I REALLY NEED SOME GOOD ADVICE. I HAVE  BEEN MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS AND MY MARRIAGE IS I FEEL IS OVER... IM NOT SURE IF IM SAD OR GLAD... HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT. WE HAVE 2 CHILDREN AND ONE STEP CHILD WE SHARE WHICH IS MINE NOT HIS AND HE HAS WELL LET ME KNOW THAT HE IS NOT HIS CHILD. I HAVE BEEN A STAY AT HOME MOM FOR OVER 10 YEARS NOW AND NOW IM HAVING TO GO OUT AND FIND A JOB TO SUPPORT MYSELF AND 3 KIDS... IST KINDA SCARY  I JUST DONT KNOW THE FIRST STEP TO TAKE
Posted 9/13/2009 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
Marie Laveau

Hello and welcome to HW. I am sorry to hear of the quandry you are in right now. 


Breaking up a relationship is difficult – especially if it’s not your choice. Grief can be experienced even when an unfulfilling relationship ends, because, at the very least, you have lost the emotional investment you made in that relationship. There may be a sense of failure, hopelessness, loss, despair, fear, or desperation.  Remember there is much help available in today's society so I would really like to suggest that you see your Physician to discuss if you are experiencing depression and if therapy may not be a way for you to learn how to deal with the problems that come with the breaking up of a family. 

Have you and your spouse been to any marriage counseling? 

Another great source of emotional support for you would be your friends and family so please do use them well.  You have nothing to be ashamed of so do think of you and your children and know that we care.

Gentle Hugs to you,

Kitt

 

You have your cap locks on, would you mind making sure they are off in the future.................it is hard to read a post in all caps.

Thanks

Posted 9/13/2009 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

I understand how times could be frightening for you right now. You could check with social services to see if you can get any help while you are looking for a job. There are many resources out there for people in your circumstances. So self advocate for yourself and seek help. You can even get help once you get a job if you qualify for it.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/13/2009 11:37 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you are going thru this and I know it's scary but that is going to help you find the strenth you will need to go on with your life and take care of yourself and the children.
Posted 9/14/2009 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Nita42,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and say that there is a wonderful group of members here and I think you will be happy that you came.

You are welcome to start a thread of your own and introduce yourself, if you are comfortable with that. That way everybody could get to know a little about you. Like I said, only if you are comfortable with that. Or just ask a question, if you have them. Or to just discuss a subject together. Either way, you are so welcome here and I am glad that you have joined us.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/14/2009 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for the cap lock... And I have been to counciling but my spouse will not hear of it... he says that counciling is for the birds and that most of the councilers need counciling thierselves... he is a very hard selfish person.. he does not want a divorce either but he does not want to change.. I have seen my doctor and I am and have been on several medications... just to change... I feel I have done everything in my power to make this work but I cant and neither can he expect for me to be the only one to change... I give more than I recieve and I really dont expect anything in return.. When I do get in return it is a sweet thing... but very seldom do i recieve...I really have done all I know to do... I cant change anymore.. I have become a person I cant stand.. I have become my spouse... I am generally not a negative person I do not like conflict but It all has seem to gotten worse...I guess I have given up...hands down given up... I have to say I want the old me back...but i would like the old me with him but not whit him the way he is... Like i said Im just scared of what I need to do next.. Kinda like the unknown... Im reaching out to strangers now... I hope its not out of the way  to ask for prayer...tks...
Posted 9/14/2009 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Marie,
Please do not discount therapy for yourself, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because of your life situation would affect anyone. It has to be incredible painful and stressful to be going through such a situation. It is up there on the life stressors scale.
Hugs,
Navy
Posted 9/14/2009 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello to all who replied to me.. thank you all so very much for the supportive words. Im really not sure what to do about my situation.. I have been looking for a job and there seems to be none...Well none that i can support myself and children with... But I will not give up... It is just so hard to go day after day in the same house with him but I do the best I can and keep the peace...He no longer feels the need to tell me where he is going or when he is going to be home...I do not go many places.. Just really to the GYM to work out.. I find myself on the treadmill longer now running as if I'm really getting somewhere...I do know he is seeing some one and he tells me he thinks I am..But truly  I am not... we dated before I married my first husband.. His and My marriage was a desert storm marriage..Im sorry to say it only lasted 2 years.. He would not seek counciling either.. I beg for it... My now husband will not seek it either.. I need it and I know I do but its the not being able to afford it.. Any way like I said my husband and I dated before Before I married my first husband and he cheeted on me then.. I feel like such a fool to think he would never do it once we got married... I have to say I have never trusted him from the start.. I tell myself that the good Lord is kicking me and telling me he gave many chances to get away from this man and I choose not to listen.. Who ever said love is blind they surly had me in mind...today was really hard.. I dont know why but being in this house for hours on end alone my mind wanders.  He doesnt like me to go anywhere now unless its to find a job.. My job to him is cleaning the house...so that is what i have done all day...the kids are home now and I have to help with homework... and start supper..thanks to all who listen  ... ML...
Posted 9/14/2009 10:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Marie Laveau

No problem with the caps.......thanks.

I am wondering if you can  see a counselor for yourself and your hubby can pay as he is still living with you and I assume supporting you. If he is seeing someone else he must have some extra cash?

Also are there any things you might give up budgetwise in order to come up with the money for therapy?

I know in order to purchase my Depression Meds and to pay my co-pays for counseling I had to cut corners elsewhere. I am retired and on a limited budget.   Just a thuoght :-)

Take care and I hope you will find a way to get some help.

Kitt 


 

Posted 9/14/2009 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
Well I do understand what you are saying about cutting corners to pay for my counciling.. But I dont have any hobbies and i really dont go anywhere to spend money. Heck I shop at good will when I do shop.. My GYM membership is free so really I dont see where.. We could afford to pay for it but he refuses.. He says it is useless..I talk to church councilers and friends.. I choose not to bring my family or his in on this... Im very private when it comes to that...If I have to I will..and I am on anti depressants and another med to help me cope..I hope It doesnt sound like Im making up one excuse after another but really I feel I have exausted every thing i can think of... I hope by being here someone can enlighten me on something I have not done...
Posted 9/15/2009 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
sounds like you need to break free from the house. even short walks. nobody has the right to keep you penned in, nobody. stick on a walkman, meditate, whatever works. i am worried about you. indeed therapy for you will be excellent. remember that you are a unique individual of this earth who deserves respect, compassion and freewill alike anyone else. keep safe. my healing prayers to you. jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Posted 9/15/2009 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
Marie Laveau

Good Morning to you. I am hoping things  are going OK for you.

Please do keep on talking with us as we are here to help.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

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