Need help in every area........

My husband and I have been together for 17 years.  We have 2 kids, 12 and 7.  I started taking zoloft 6 yrs ago for OCD and mood swings.  My husband lost his job of 12 years in Jan 2009, I cold turkey stopped my zoloft in April 2009, bills have been piling up, stresses out of control, I worked 2 jobs and was worn out all the time!  Started spending more time with friends at the bar, drinking away my problems (I thought).  Three weeks ago I cheated on my husband, told him the very next day and he told me to get out.  At first this was a relief because I thought I do not have to deal with those stresses of that household anymore, but actually I found out life only was more difficult without him and how much I loved him and regretted this one time sexual encounter with somebody else.  Last week I was so distraught and guilt ridden over what I have done and the pain I have caused my family that I had a nervous break down and was confined to a mental hospital for 48 hrs.  The longest 48 hrs of my life.  However, I learned within about an hour of being there how normal and sane my life was compared to the people there and just wanted out.  This hospitalization concerned my husband because he does truly love me and when I got out he asked me to come back home.  I did and we still are dealing with the cheating issue and I know it will be a battle to get through, but in the meantime, how do I stop beating myself up, deal with the prior issuess and stresses we had, continue to be a good mama, work everyday, etc.  I love my husband and I admit I was weak and made a mistake, and that bad part is this is the second time I have done this, first time was 7 years ago and we made it.  My husband first cheated on me after we had only been married 2 years and we stayed apart for almost a year after that.  I know anybody reading this feels we are maybe just not meant to be together because of all this infidelity, but we truly do love each other and have been victims of the power that Satan can have on marriages.  Any advise on where to go from here?

hi i am jamie, first, thank you for sharing your situation, the past is gone, so try not to dwell on it, it is all about the here and now. the future, well that will sought itself out. your recovery has started, agree that some counselling will be of great benefit to you. a talk with your doc may well be of benefit also. you have done well in posting here, i admire your courage. with healing compassion.

jamie.

ps people in inpatient care are just people in need of care.

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Each new day is a new beginning.  Wanting your marriage to work and being a good mom are great things.  My advice is to stay away from alcohol and bars.  Going out drinking with the girls is ok when you are a single person but enter spouse, work and children and I do not think they all fit well.  Being under alot of stress causes people to do things they normally would not do.  You say you had to stop medication, perhaps you need to see a Dr. and re-evaluate your medical needs.  Take care of yourself and you will be better able to take care of your marriage/family.  Let the past go, we have all made horrible bad choices, but you don't let them ruin your life, you use them to make you stronger and wiser.

A wise man once said "Happiness is your choice; how happy or how miserable do you want to be?"

I hope things lighten up for you and yours.  Have faith, good things will come.

Gem

Thanks Jamiee my friend.  Your healing compassion wishes gets me through, you are my inspiration.

Gem

> I know anybody reading this feels we are maybe just not meant to be together because of all this infidelity, but we truly do love each other and have been victims


Hello, savingrace (SG from here on, to save time).

I am Bill, the Thinker From Iowa. I saw that you are a new member. I am new myself; I just joined a few days ago, and this is my first posting. But I wanted to send a reply to you.

First of all, if two people truly love each other, then they belong together. What's done is done, and it does no good to either you, hubby, or the kids to keep dredging up the past. Look at each new day and each hour and minute of that new day as an opportunity to work towards your wholeness and that of your family. Many times, I have heard the talk about the new day, week, month, year, etc., being a blank sheet of paper waiting to be written on. That is what you have.

One thing that I think would be a big help is for you and your husband to renew your wedding vows to each other. You don't need a minister, priest, or judge to do this. Every family has one special place that has meaning for them. Take the kids with you and let them be a part of your renewal. In fact, make a vow to be together and work for the future as a family while you're at it. Whether your teen-ager wants to admit it or not, he/she needs BOTH of you more than he/she might want to admit. And your 7-year-old ABSOLUTELY needs both Mom AND Dad. So vowing to be there for each other as a family might be a good way to begin the building of your future as a family.

Just one more thing -- don't beat yourself up over what happened. Let your focus be on being the best wife and mother that you can be, by the grace of God.
Don't forget, SG, that according to the old saying, the darkest hour is right before the dawn. I truly believe that. Keep us all informed as to how you are doing. You have a lot of good people in your corner.

Bill The Thinker From Iowa

Bill, Sorry for the edit:

 

11. No posts of an overtly political or religious nature .......

 

Limited religious references are allowed (ie. "my prayers are with you" or a brief quote as part of a larger post)

 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 9/21/2009 7:16:06 AM (GMT-6)