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how do i open up to my therapist?

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Posted 9/26/2009 4:12 AM (GMT 0)

Hi, I'm new here. I've suffered from depression my whole life. When I first startig seeing my current therapist I thought great she gets my name right and she doesnt fall asleep. But now she says I've closed off. She said "I'm not going to put more work into your therapy than you are". Thing is I just don't know what to do I figure she knows that. I say I don't know all the time. She's probably sick of hearing that too. I  realy don't know. She says what do you want to talk about today? It takes me awhile I usually pick work. The one subject I picked she didnt really help me with. I don't handle anger well, especially at work. I asked how do I not let what other people do get to me. I can't remember what she said but I think the subject got changed. I guess I could open up a little once we get starged but for some reason I am so uncomfortable leading the conversation. I am a follower not a leader. She asked me why I was there I said to get better. Thats not true either. I'm there because the Dr. told me to go. I guess my ways are just so set in i'm not sure I can change but shouldn't she be aware of that and be able to recognize it? Maybe I'm wasting my time going there. If I can't or won't open up wha'ts the point? I already know enough about depression and psyche to know how my childhood effected me. why I eat junk food. why I have trouble with relationships or non at all. but knowing doesnt change anything. I never understood that.  People had these AHA moments I eat too much because.... then what they stop eating too much??? well it doesnt work for me. I have absolutely no disapline or willpower. In other words I never acheived anything.

Anyway I've rambled on and on. How do I get the conversation started every week? I wish she would start it but she wants me to. I get all shy and feel like i'm five years old for some reason.

Posted 9/26/2009 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tebasmm,

Maybe you should be honest. Tell her that you feel shy and like you are five years old. That is a way to start. Another thing that you could do is make a list of things that you would like to talk about and carry it with you.

When she asks you a question, does your mind go blank? If so, tell her that too. Can you just not think? Tell her that too. Tell her everything, are you nervous? Tell her.

You have to keep the lines of communication open and talkt to her, or you aren't going to get any better. If you aren't answering her questions, then what can she do? She can't read your mind. You really have to try hard to do this. It isn't easy, but it does help. You will learn that you are only human, just like the rest of us. We make mistakes, we screw up, we feel low self esteem, we do a lot of things. We are just people. And we understand where you are coming from. Don't give up on therapy. I go and now it is so easy. You can do this, I know...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/26/2009 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
yeah, agree with being straight up. with everything, thus the anicipatory tension and anxiety will ease. good luck, with compassion. jamie
Posted 9/26/2009 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your responses. I have told her I'm shy. She says she doesnt believe that. I have mentioned I'm anxious. It still feels like the conversation is going nowhere and she's waiting for me to say something. When she asks me a question my mind does honestly go blank and 3 hours later I sometimes come up with an answer but it's too late. I do tell her I dont have an answer. Thats when she says I'm close off. I guess i'm questioning the point especially if I don't see it helping.
Posted 9/27/2009 1:13 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe you would feel more comfortable with a different therapist. It is hard to say. I guess you have to be honest with yourself mostly. Write a list of things that you would like to talk about with her. And go from that. That way you wont forget what you want to say.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/27/2009 2:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

I have seen a number of therapists and found at the beginning it was very hard for mr to open up and get all the things I wanted off my chest, I think you just need to be as honest as you can and the more you open up to the therapist the more you will get out of the sessions. Keep with it things will get easier Karen's idea about righting a list of things is a good one, I did this and then just read of the list which got things going. I hope things work out for you and know that you can always come here for advice and support.

Ben
Posted 9/29/2009 4:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I'm new too.  I would like to offer you a couple of suggestions.  This might help you to open up.  You might want to make a list of the topics that you feel you need to cover.  Explain to your therapist that you are shy and it is difficult for you to open up.  Provide her with that list and ask how she would help you address these issues.  You might want to look at this from this point of view.  You are a client wanting to hire a consultant.  You go through the interview process with that person with regards to your list.  If you feel that she is unable to help you with your list, then you need to continue to interview other health care professionals.   I usually go through therapy every couple of years.  Everytime I go in, I have my list and I give my list to my therapist of what I need to resolve.  He chuckles because he knows he will always get one from me.

 

Posted 9/29/2009 5:22 AM (GMT 0)
The first time that I way my psychiatrist I carried a list. We talked for a while. He initiated conversation by asking me questions. After a while he asked me about my list and I noticed that we covered everything on it. So that was pretty good. But I do carry lists too and it helps me because without it, I would forget what I wanted to address.

Good luck,

Hugs, Karen
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