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Posted 10/8/2009 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am new here and I wanted to introduce myself. I am a 25 year old female who has suffered from anxiety and depression for over 5 years. I am currently seeing a therapist but not taking medication. Some days I have trouble coping- feel fatigued, unmotivated and hopeless. Mostly because of my anxiety I've given up on my dreams. I've settled for a life of getting by instead. No career (just a dead end job), no husband, no kids.. Lately I've started to think a lot about death- not suicide. When I am driving, walking down a flight of stairs, or carrying a heavy load I think to myself (oddly nonchalantly) that I could slip and die at any moment. When did I stop fearing death? I feel guilty for wasting my life like this, barely trying. I don't like to burden my family and friends about my problems, so I keep these thoughts to myself. Anyway sorry for ranting like this, it just feels good to air my feelings. Can anyone offer any words of encouragement or share inspirational stories? Maybe a happy thought?
Posted 10/8/2009 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Oliv33. I know those feelings well. You need to talk to someone and the sooner the better. You can't just lose your dreams. You are far too young for that. Talk to a family member you are close to, or a close friend. Then call your local Psychiatric services and gt an appt set up with a counselor and a psychiatrist. Have your friend or family member go with you if you are a bit frightened the first time. Have you had a thorough check up by a regular doctor? Thyroid problems, low blood counts, low B12 levels and a host of other things can cause depressive symptoms. Make sure you get all those things checked.

Good luck to you! I know it's a hard fight, but it is worth every ounce of energy you can muster to get out of the black hole, as I call it.
Posted 10/8/2009 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Oliv33,

Have you talked to your threrapist about the way that you have been feeling. I think you are feeling what I call worst case scenerio syndrom. I made that up. But I use to get those feelings. I would imagine the worst possible thing I could and think 'what if that happened'. I found out mine was my way of undermining myself feeling good. Or being happy. It was strange. I still do that to an extent. Kind of a paranoia thing I guess. But I hurry and think of something else that is going on and get my mind off of it. Try to stay in the moment. Don't beat yourself up for doing it, just practice being in the now and it will stop. Being in the now is a way to enjoy your life. You don't worry about what you could of or should of done. You just live with what you are capable of doing. At that moment. Try it. It works. Talk to your therapist about it.

Hugs, Karen.

PS. Welcome to the forum.
Posted 10/8/2009 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Never say never, cause it will happen!  You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you.  I did not get married until I was 26 and barely ready then, had a baby at 32, I lived!  I enjoyed being single and did not worry about those things because I knew they would come and if they didn't, oh well.  You do sound depressed or over anxious, sometimes they resemble each other.  Please do not close yourself off to getting some help, even if it means meds, if only for a while.

I hope you can very soon find some enjoyment in life.  I too work a dead end job, but the way I look at it is, it is better than no job at all.  Try to find atleast one thig to be grateful for everyday and I will send some good vibes and sunshine your way.

Gem

Posted 10/8/2009 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your responses, you seem like a caring group. I haven't talked to my therapist about these thoughts (of death) because they seemed insignificant until recently. I know that I should be grateful for the things I have and that others have it much worse.. then I start to feel guilty. We've talked about staying positive. I cling on to the hope that things will get better, but it's hard when faced with one disappointment after another. I will try to take your advice Karen, and live in the moment without worrying "what if". Maybe it will help if I keep a daily log of all the things I am grateful for. Reading other entries on this forum is helping too.
Posted 10/8/2009 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad that the forum is helping you. Just practice being aware and in the present whenever you can. Eventually it will come naturally. Learning to meditate helps to because you can do that at anytime. You focus on your breathing. It is something that is always there and it brings you back to the moment. Pick up some books on meditation and depression. I am sure that will help you. And don't feel guilty about this happening, you can't help it. And yes, there are people much worse than ourselves. But we are the ones living our lives and there can be a lot of struggles. You have come to realize what you are doing is a waste of time and a waste of a good mood. Now you will do something to correct it. You will succeed. Don't give up.


These feelings can also bring on high anxiety. So that is where the meditation and breathing help. You dont' need anxiety on top of everything else.

I hope that you are having a good day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/8/2009 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
A year ago I was lying in bed, unable to do anything, very depressed and very anxious. I would have sworn then that things weren't going to get better.

But they did. With a combination of dietary modification, exercise, therapy and possibly medication - amazing things can happen. Give it time and please NEVER lose hope.
Posted 10/8/2009 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
Karen, I will look into meditation books. Hopefully that will help with my anxiety. I do forget sometimes that I am in control of my life and my choices. I miss out on so much in order to avoid anything that might cause an ounce of anxiety. What kind of life is this? I have to make changes somehow, one step at a time I guess. Bluebird, thanks for sharing your story. It helps to know that you were in the same situation and got better. How did you find the motivation to change? I have no appetite and zero energy. The thought of exercising exhausts me..
Posted 10/9/2009 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
I find the way to find any motivation for me is to find something that I truly believe in. If I'm willing to sacrifice something for a dream, then that's also the way that I find energy to go out and pursue that particular dream.
Posted 10/10/2009 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
hi Olive33 just letting u know that ur not alone!!! i am feeling exactly the same way at this time. do u have any support's in place as it sounds like u may be a little bit suicidal, as the warning signs are there. can u promise u will talk to somebody about what's going on as i would hate for anything to go really wrong, u know what i mean??? pls talk to ur g.p or anyone that understands ok. please look after ur self Olive. best wishes. rose-bud40......
Posted 10/10/2009 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
hi Olive33 just letting u know that ur not alone!!! i am feeling exactly the same way at this time. do u have any support's in place as it sounds like u may be a little bit suicidal, as the warning signs are there. can u promise u will talk to somebody about what's going on as i would hate for anything to go really wrong, u know what i mean??? pls talk to ur g.p or anyone that understands ok. please look after ur self Olive. best wishes. rose-bud40......
Posted 10/10/2009 6:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your kind words rosebud. I had a really rough night but your message lifted my spirit some. I wish I had a strong support system but I do not. I am feeling really low right now. I may need to restart meds. I will talk to my therapist about this. I am praying that tomorrow will be better.
Posted 10/10/2009 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Oliv33,

I really hope that you feel better soon. You sound like such a kind and caring person and I hate to see you suffer. You are right, you might have to start up on meds again. They work for some of us. Some of us struggle with finding the right meds, but be patient. They are there somewhere. You will find them.

In the meantime, keep posting and let us know how you are doing. I hope that you have a good day today.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/10/2009 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone,
I am convinced that Prozac, over a period of time, does more harm then good. I believe that diet and exercise in combination with therapy can heal one's depressed moods. I just lost my Mom and this is a new chapter in my life. I decided to put down all pills for depression and anxiety and launch into a avid program of treating myself well. I am a little worried, however, because I have been on Prozac since 1993 and have decided to cold turkey it.
Posted 10/10/2009 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Peggy,

You should be under a doctor's care when stopping medications, especially cold turkey like you are doing. I hope that this works out for you.

Welcome to the forum. You have joined a group of kind and compassionate members. We are here for you, remember that.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/11/2009 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for checking back on me Karen :) Today was slightly better. I finally tackled some of the household chores I've been putting off for weeks. I hate how depression affects my productivity. Even the smallest tasks become a hassle... But I am not dwelling on the negative. I need to stay motivated and focus on making improvements in my life. Peggy, good luck going off your meds, and let us know how things are going.
Posted 10/11/2009 3:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Oliv33,

Thanks for the reply. I hope that you are feeling good today. I just got off of work and am tired. Usually I feel better than this, but it is cold today and is effecting my fibromyalgia. I am not ready for winter yet, I dont' think that anybody is.

I know how it is to not be able to get things done. I am not very good at cleaning house as it is. So those chores are especially hard for me. I think about it when I could be doing it.

Keep posting, know that we are all thinking of you and wish you well.

Talk to you again soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/12/2009 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen, I'm sorry to hear you weren't feeling well last night. Are you doing better today? Winter snuck up on us didn't it. I think that I am coming down with something. Whenever I get sick I remind myself to stop taking my health for granted. Shame it takes illness to do that. Keep warm.
Posted 10/12/2009 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
hello olive hope today has been a better day for you??? Also have you had a chance to see ur G>P. and start on the med's again?? And i just would like to say stay strong,dont feel bad about housework and little things like that as they can alway's wait!!!!!! Take good care of ur self Olive.
Best wishes. beverley-rose-bud40. :))))
Posted 10/12/2009 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi ladies,

Today went a lot better than yesterday. It wasn't as cold. But it si going to be tonight. But work was better and now it is late.

I will be around tomorrow as I don't have to work. HOpe to talk to you then. My typing is really bad right now. I am going backwards more than forwards. lol...

I hope that you both had a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/13/2009 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, it seems I've caught a pesky cold (thank goodness not the flu!) I am willing my body to get well soon so that I can start yoga, meditation and art therapy. For now I am trying to stay off the meds, continue counseling, and see how things progress naturally. Karen, did you enjoy your day off? Beverly, I remember reading about your family's lack of sensitivity and support. I was too shy to respond to your thread, but I want you to know that you are not alone in this. The people in my life do not understand depression and are therefore dismissive and intolerant. That is why I like this forum- we can give and receive support without facing judgment or criticism. I hope you are feeling better now.
Posted 10/13/2009 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Oliv,

I did have a good day off. I stayed in my jp's all day. I kind of ache from the cold weather, but I can handle that.

I am glad that you are comfortable here at healing well.
That means a lot. Especially to be able to tlak to other people that understand. And you are right, there is no judging here. And you get various opinions of things. So you can see things from different perspectives.

I hope that you had a nice day today. I hope that you have nice weather. Here it is cold.

Hugs, Karen
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