Hmm. So, presumably, if medication could provide a constant level of artificial happiness, then it would be a positive thing?
I do understand what you're saying - but I object on a philosophical level on the notion of "strength and independence." I admit that this is contentious, but I do come from a background of being a writer, and thus, an adherent to a more idealized and romanticized world. Nonetheless, I believe that art can be instructive of reality.
The independent thing for me to have done, back then, was to rationally keep her even more at arm's length - I'm almost certain her "recovery" would have been even worse delayed, if that was the case. Not to mention, it would have been a cruel and heartless thing. It would hardly be morally right. If someone is faltering on the side of the road, its morally right to pick them up. If I hurt someone by accident, the morally right thing would be for me to make amends for it. I may not /want/ to confront my past mistakes(and the many of them I've made), but I've always committed myself to confronting them anyways. It would be the honorable thing, which is far more important, I feel, than my ego or present emotional health.
I feel that independence has become, essentially, a blank check to do whatever one wishes. The idea of a social contract or even of mutual giving is pretty frankly violated by it; it seems to have been taken that one is allowed to be selfish, uncaring, and irresponsible and that such behavior is admirable, and that the most important thing is "protecting oneself", or in other ways, preserving one's happiness. So, if taken to a logical extreme, there's absolutely nothing wrong with letting others starve so one can eat a bit more, or letting someone die on the street because one is icked out by blood.
Its...ugly. I'm almost certain that we, as human beings, evolved with such genes of dependency because we were supposed to exist in connected groups where there would be consequences for selfish behavior. And modern society, I think, has increasingly removed us from connection in groups, and at this point, is telling us that even /feeling bad/ for being selfish is wrong - so here's a pill to take to "fix that."
I'm not trying to be that argumentative, but...what is the beauty in independence? Where is the sense of faith in another? Where is the wonder and mystery, and the idea of hope? It is, at best, reliance on oneself and one's own perceptions above all else. And its well known that we are horrible at self-perception.
It just seems to encourage a world of self-seeking individuals easily capable of careless cruelty, using chemical stimulants to remove every aspect of the soul, and blissfully driven by oblivious short-sighted whims.
I've dedicated my life to the saying that "If there's nothing that a man is willing to die for, then he has no reason to live." By that very statement, I commit myself to being willing to give up my life for a higher ideal. My life is more valuable than my happiness, therefore, I'm willing to give up my happiness for an ideal.
"Independence" seems to be the antithesis to that. It encourages self-happiness, even at a cost to others and at a willingness to give up on ideals. If that's what therapy is going to give me, then...it would be destroying my reason to live.
PS: The reason why I object to her medication this much is that she /was/ on medication when she fell in love with me. Then she went off medication, and "went insane", or became a chillingly negative individual. Then she was put on different medication, and became a different person. Was I loving a person, or a puppet of ingested chemical cocktails? I've gone from being incredibly depressed to having a successful career and life(if not a lovelife) - and did it just fine without drugs. Having to deal with the lows of my life forced me to understand myself; if those pits were removed, I wouldn't have grown.
PPS: I was, in fact, put on Zoloft once. I disliked its effect immeasureably - it made me happy, yes, but it also made me incredibly irresponsible. I stopped doing anything that I thought might be "unpleasant", for one. It also removed my ability to write, as it felt like it dampened my emotional resonance. Admittedly, writers have one of the highest suicide rates of any career. But writing is something of the soul and of cosmic art; the drugs seem to serve immediately by crushing and destroying that. That seems to be as horrible as a violation of the human being as any physical amputation might be.
Post Edited (ConfusedDenizen) : 9/29/2009 10:17:30 PM (GMT-6)