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Posted 10/20/2009 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

I am a soldier in Iraq, and recently alot of things have happened to me. I really don't trust a single person here, atleast enough to talk about how I feel anyway. I don't what it is, but I can never have a day where I'm "happy." I left the US a few months ago to come here, and haven't ever felt the way I do now. I am consistently feeling like my life doesn't mean anything at all. There's not one person over here that I can talk to about how I feel, cause all they'll do is laugh. I have been reading alot lately on depression, and its utmost certain that it's what I'm going through. I have a wife and newborn baby at home, and I can't even talk to my wife about it, she has enough to worry about. Everyday I wake up and have to put a fake smile on, telling people, "I'm alright", or "nothings wrong" and just drive on. It just feels to me that no one cares, and nobody will actually do anything about it if I were to say something. They'll say deal with it. And I can't just deal with it. Do you know what It's like to wake up everyday thinking about if your going to die that day? Never to see your baby girl again? Or wife? Or parents? Or anybody else that matters to you in your life? I don;t know what to do, I just wish I had someone to talk to and express how I feel....
Posted 10/20/2009 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi American_Soldier,

First of all, thank you for what you are doing for our country. I don't have all the right words, but I have to express how thankful I am.

Welcome to HealingWell. I am glad that you are here.

First of all, in order to survive where you are, you have to focus on what you are doing. There is no real time to be dwelling on what is going on at home. That comes at the end of your day. This is for your own safety. You have to stay alert and in the now. Everybody else with you is counting on you to do that. So practice that. Like you said in your post. You never know if you are going to be alive at the end of the day.

And you are right, not many people are going to sympathize with you about your depression there. They are in a different world. They have other things on their minds. Like staying alive. So I guess this is the place to come.

Basically you are saying that you are not happy in the service. Why are you there? Can you come home soon? It really is a difficult situation to be in when you are depressed. I dont' think you can give it your all. Are there counselors there that you can talk to? You really need to talk to somebody and see about coming home. Honestly, if your heart and your mind isn't there, you shouldn't be there.

I hope that you can find some one to talk to soon. Best wishes,


Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/21/2009 3:11 AM (GMT 0)

Hi American_Soldier. Thank you from me too for what you have done and are doing for us. Karen is so right. You really have to focus on where you are and what you're doing. You put your life even more so on the line, as well as the rest of your units, if you are not focused.

Is there a chaplain there? Or some type of Medical unit where you could go talk to a doctor? Since so many things are coming to light back here about the poor planning done for depression and other mental illnesses identified there, you may get more help than you had hoped to get. I hope that's the case with you. A lot of us are hanging by the skin of our teeth right now. So we go minute by minute if we need to. It gets really hard at times, but somehow we make it through. If you could at least get some medication and removed from the front lines, that might help some.

I know your goal is to come home. I hope that can happen for you if you seek the help you need. If not, maybe they can at least put you in a less stressful position so you don't have to worry as much. Take care.

Posted 10/21/2009 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi American Soldier, thank you for your service. Please do anything you can to treat or cope with your depression so that you can come home safely to your wife and baby. In the meantime we are here for you.
Posted 10/21/2009 11:49 AM (GMT 0)
hi soldier. my mate is an ex veitnam soldier, as was my father, do not know him, never met him either. his story of service and what happened to him is not good. need to see a doc, ask about seeing someone who may be known to help service men and women. i hope you are feeling better soon. jamie.

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Posted 10/26/2009 7:34 AM (GMT 0)
hello to americansoldier i would like to say that you are doing a fine job and should be very proud of yourself. i live in Australia but love Americans. I hope you find a good Dr. to talk to about ur problem's. Please dont put it off any longer. And never be ashamed of being depressed as many people suffer this in there lifetime ok. Hope this help's some. My thought's are with you at this time..... beverley.... :)))))
Posted 11/1/2009 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you American soldier for being there for us. We are here for you. The chaplain, MD's, anyone at all you can find; try to get the help you need. Like someone said, help for this issue is not so great even in America, so if you make the right connection, you may do better than us. I will pray for you. Rosemary
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