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Posted 10/29/2009 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for a little over 5 years now. A couple of years ago I started my life all over after a divorce, and am now in a really healthy relationship. I have been on Paxil this whole time, and tried once unsuccessfully to get off of it on my own. I don't have health insurance and went to the local hospital mental health clinic for help. They all at once had me on Paxil, Zoloft and Ativan, and it made me feel even worse. I ended up staying on Paxil. A bout a year ago, I added Clonopin for anxiety, and that helps a lot, but I have been trying again to get off Paxil. I had gone back to the dr, and they sent me to a pysch. to monitor my meds, but they only saw me 2 times, bumped me up to 60 mg. from 20, and sent me on my way like they didnt care. I wish I had real health insurance. I dont think I trust the dr's anymore, becuase they just give me meds and tell me to relax. I hate being on Paxil, but I hate having depression and anxiety efven more. Some days are good, and other days are horrible. I have self-defeating thoughts, get so upset that I have this problem, that it makes me even more upset. I dont have much money and just lost my job, and I have been cooped up at home which isnt helping, so the last couple of weeks I have been really stressed out, anxious, depressed and feeling slight lightheaded from it all, and not eating much since we dont have much food in the house. I think my family and friends are tired of hearing about it, and think I am constantly negative, which I am. I sort of feel like I am all alone and have no one to talk to about anything really. I am hoping that I can talk here and find some comfort and help. I think I am going to go back to the dr again, but I dont know how much help that is going to be. I would love to hear from some people here....So yeah, thats my life. sad
Posted 10/29/2009 7:16 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome WyldeSage-

Please do go back to you DR......if you find you don't trust one then try another until you get one that you are comfortable leaving your mental health in their hands.  You need to remain on your meds and let the physicians decide if and how you can come off of them.  Honestly you probably need to be on them.....don't think that is a weakness it is not.  My husband suffers form Major deprssive disorder, panic disorder and anxiety disorder.  Was somewhat controlled on meds until about 18 months ago.  Now he is a shell of the person I remember.  Don't beat yourself up, that is self-defeating and you need to stay empowered to stay on top of this disease.  You have found a wonderful site filled with tons of expertise and first hand experience and knowledge.  Everyone here is wonderful and will not judge you on your feelings or emotions but guide you through them

Hang in there and know you have found tons of support here.

Take care of you!!!  -Jenn


Posted 10/29/2009 7:21 PM (GMT 0)
Thank You Jenn...that made me cry, thats all I want is support and I place where I feel like I can talk and people will really understand. I dont think my friends and family truly do, and never will. I dont think I can switch dr's because I am only getting help through a county program, so I am stuck with who they gave me.
Posted 10/29/2009 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry I didn't mean to make you cry:( Friends and Family really cannot understand which is something I learned only those living with or living with someone with some version of depression can understand. Education is a wonderful thing and it amazes me how people will educate themselves when a friend or family member gets cancer but they do not when it comes to mental health issues. SAD:(

Well if you have no options for changing physician you stay proactive in your treatment and if you are not feeling better tell them so and be adamant about it. Maybe paxil is not your drug.....my husband has been on so many with so many combinations I can't even begin to count. Some where out there is one that will help you to feel the joy in life once again. As out of control as you feel, please take control, if nothing else it will offer you some empowerment that you are not being defeated by depression. If you got cancer would you not fight you best and try everything you could to get better?? Same thing different disease!!

Go for it girl.....life it is to short not to be enojyed!!

Again Takre care of you girl!! -Jenn
Posted 10/29/2009 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
Ya know.......I guess I assumed you were female:) Silly me if I had that wrong.........-Jenn
Posted 10/29/2009 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thank You Jenn, dont worry about making me cry, it was actually kind of relieved sort of cry. I am going to make a dr appt. and tell them that this just isnt working, and I have to try and get on something else...I am not looking forward to all the side effects of switching either...fear sucks! The thing is, when I am thinking rationally, I know I get myself in the cycle of feeling bad about feeling bad. My fiancee helps me as much as he can, and he does understand, but only so much...since he doesnt know what it actually feels like, but he can be supportive. I know I need to take control, im the only one who can, but dam,n if some days feel like they slip through that grasp.

...and yeah, im a girl, lol! :)
Posted 10/29/2009 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Wyldesage,

I love your name.  I love sage. 

I want to welcome you to the HealingWell depression forum.  I believe that Jenn is right in being proactive with your health.  And if paxil isn't working for you, maybe you could try something else.  I took it years ago and didn't like it.  I am now going on pristiq.  I also take abilify and it is a life saver for me. 

I hope that you start feeling better soon.  You have come to a good place.  I think you will like this forum.  There are many caring members and you have met one already.

Please keep posting.  Let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 10/29/2009 10:19 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you have a plan and that is a huge step!! Stay true to that plan and how you feel and they will find something that will work. You are right that the trial and error part is scary I certainly do not blame you for that. Remember always that new meds take a month or a bit more to kick in so patience for you and your fiancee is very important. But always trust how YOU feel.....if something is not making you feel right let the doctor know....they can only treat you as well as you treat yourself and that means being aware and honest about how you feel.

I am so glad you found this site and please keep us all up to date and lean on us through the rough times.....hopefully those will be few and I wish that for you!! Whever it is bad please post and know that someone out there will respond and listen to all you have to say negative or not. We will also help to guide those thoughts in a more positive direction!!

Remember also this site is for everyone!! If your fiancee is struggling he will find support here as well....just as I did.

Keep up the good work!! You rock!

-Jenn
Posted 10/30/2009 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen and Jenn...

I realized I forgot to mention that I had dropped myself over the last few months from 60 mg. to 15 mg. I was trying to get off of it, but life has thrown me a curveball the last few weeks, and since I have been feeling depressed again, I am going to go to the dr and ask to be switched. I had wanted to go on Zoloft because I heard it works really well and doesnt have an many bad side effects. Believe me, if I had known how bad Paxil was way back when I would have asked for something different.
Posted 10/30/2009 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Be sure and only adjust your dosages with the supervision of a physician. Sometimes raising or lowering can exacerbate side effects. My husband was on zoloft and that did actually do him some good.....it seems to have a pretty good rep. However always remember whats works for one doesn't work for all and this may or may not be your drug. Only a trial will determine that. I hope you get in to see the doctor soon and get started on something that will alleviate your depression. Sounds like you have a plan in place....just stick with it nad be your own health advocate!!

Hope today brings you a smile or two......:-)

-Jenn
Posted 10/30/2009 3:17 PM (GMT 0)
I had read on some sites online of people doing it themselves. I know a lot of people are against Paxil. I am going to be calling to make an appointment to talk to the dr. The sucky thing is, he is a general practitioner and doesnt know too much. They referred me to a psych once but she wasnt very friendly, and it was supposed to be medication management, but all she did was bump me up higher and send me on my way, I only saw her twice. So when I go back, I am going to ask to see another one if I can. Unfortunately since I deal with the county, they could care less. I know that I really need counseling, but they dont provide it, and I cannot afford to pay to go, so the one thing I really need I cant get.
Posted 10/30/2009 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
WydeSage,

So sorry U are feeling this way, but I have learned through my sister that they seem to treat U different when U don't have insurance or if your on insurance called wellcare. I want to let U know I have taken Paxil, and Zoloft paxil the side effects were so bad the 3rd day I called my family Dr at that time that's who was treating me, then she put me on zoloft, I won't tell U what that made me want to do. If U want to get off Paxil talk to your Dr. about it and tell them U want to get off of it, U can't take yourself off it's very hard to do. Like alot of bloggers on here have told me there are other med's for depression. Clonzapam I take that 200mg I have 1 side effect they give me headaches in the morning that's it. I fully understand being tired of the depression and anxiety and being stuck in the house, that's when we have to push our selves to go out side and take a walk, one day I didn't have it in me to get dressed,but my family kept saying go for a walk please so I decieded I will go for a walk to the corner with my pj pants on I didn't care just as long as I went for that little walk. Things will get better my income has stop in the house and it's all on my husband and that drive's me crazy U will have all these thoughts of what could happen, and it's not your family is tired of hearing it I really think people don't understand MENTAL HEALTH AT ALL!! I don't know if I'm aloud to post this but we all need to vote for menatal health this Nov.3 I have been with my husband 14 yrs and I don't think he understands and his brother took his life at 18 yrs of age people just don't get what we go through
Posted 10/30/2009 3:23 PM (GMT 0)
Have you checked with possibly a church or possibly called some of the counseling clinics to see if they have anyone they work with that can help with inability to pay? There is always something sometimes you have to dig. Possibly others on this site are aware of websites you could visit that would assist with helping you find a counseler. Don't give up on that avenue, there has got to be something.

As for you unfriendly psych....if you do have to go back to her just be adamant about how you feel. If she is not treating you with respect or listening tell her so. This is YOUR mental health and only you know how you feel....no one can tell you how you feel. You will make it through this hardship I just know it!!
Posted 10/30/2009 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
I have a list of places that do include churches, but its all sliding scale fee. I think you have to pay something and right now, I dont have anything (another reason to stress!) I am behind on the rent, so thats a bit more important.

I only saw her 2 times and that was almost a year ago. Thats why I am going to ask for someone different. I thought i would get too see her continually, but apparently not. Yeah, I need to stand up for myself on this!
Posted 10/30/2009 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like your liding fee scale may be nothing:) Never know till you ask. You might be surprised!! You are on the right track!! Keep up the good work.....

Here's something to be happy about....TGIF!!!
Posted 10/30/2009 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah thats true...I probably should call around! Oh yeah, I am SO glad its the weekend, and tomorrow is Halloween!!! I cant wait, we are taking my fiancee's daughter out for some fun and trick or treating, then going out to a haunted house later on!
Posted 10/30/2009 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like a fun weekend.......enjoy those times they make the rough times tolerable! My kids are past the trick or treating so I think I will leave the lights off and relax:) I have three dogs that would make me crazy if I gave out candy:) I should dress them up......they are big dogs so it would be funny.....for me not them...lol!
Posted 10/30/2009 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
That would be cute if you dressed your dogs up and took pictures! Halloween is my favorite holiday if the year, and I love to dress up. Today is my fiancee's last day of work since he got layed off, and while that really sucks, I am looking forward to having him home with me over the holidays until we both find work again (however long that will take!). I am always a bit more relxed when he is home with me. Thats another thing I need to work on, I seem to have a bit of separation anxiety when he is gone. Now I lo0ve to have my alone time, but I seem to get nervous when he is traveling.
Posted 10/30/2009 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
My husband is the same way.......he gets a bit stressed when I go out of town. I LOVE it when he goes away because that is the only time I get some me time. This weekend will be a rough one I think and I will be staying close to home. He has to go off of his xanax in preparation for a procedure he is starting next week. Let the anxiety party begin:-) My dogs would hate me if I dressed them up.....lol. A black lab, australian shepard and a boxer.......oh the outfits I could come up with!!

Well enojy your weekend and Happy trick or treating.......hopefully all treats and no tricks!!
Posted 10/30/2009 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
I understand needing ME time. I rarely get any it seems. I have a 6 year old in the house, so ME time is when she is at school for 3 hours during the day. But now that my finacee will be off work, I probably wont have the place to myself at all, but I would rather he was home with me anyhow. I hope your hubby's procedure goes well, and that there isnt too much anxiety. Im sure your dogs wouldnt appreciate the costumes, they sound like a handful!

Have a wonderful Halloween and weekend!!
Posted 10/30/2009 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
They are but they are my sanity!! The one thing that loves me even when I have a bad day and need a hug!! Well those and my two boys!!

Feel free to chat this weekend if you need support I check email all the time!!
Posted 11/2/2009 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hey WyldeSage-\

How are you feeling after your weekend?
Posted 11/2/2009 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn,

Well I am actually really sore and tired. We had a really great Halloween. We took my daughter out for some local fun at a community center, then we baked brownies and went trick or treating. We all dressed up, and she got SO much candy! I bet she got at least 3 pounds of it, and guess who will be sharing? ;) lol. Later that night we had a babysitter come over and we went out to a scary haunt., and that was really cool because I was able to get the crap scared out of me in a good way and I felt really relaxed (I know that might sound weird but it works!) I was so worn out from all the walking the next day, my feet were killing me, and I know all the stress, anxiety and not eating much has been catching up with me since I have been so out of it and dead on my feet, but I was able to get back out yesterday and we spent half the day at the park which was really nice. I also started in on NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I have to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I dont know if I can do it, but im sure gonna try!

So yeah a really good and tiring weekend! How was your weekend, did you do anything fun?

- Jeanie
Posted 11/2/2009 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jeanie-

Sounds fabulous!!! You are a writer? That is so cool......I am sure you can make the goal! My weekend was relaxed. I hung some new light fixtures in my entry way and two story stairway.....that was tricky and I am certainly feeling the muscles I used!! Other than that hung out with my two sons and watched scary movies on halloween. It was nice.

I am so happy to hear you had some joy and smiles this past weekend......Keep up that momentum!!

Keep me updated on the book!!

-Jenn
Posted 11/2/2009 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hey my friends,

I love the support that is going on here. Just wanted to mention that. I hope you all have a good day today.

Hugs, Karen
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