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Posted 11/2/2009 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
You as well Karen!! We couldn't do without you and your support!!!

Hugs....Jenn
Posted 11/2/2009 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I dont know if I would actually call myself a writer. This is the first year I am participating. I write blogs, so I guess that helps in developing a bit of writing skills. So I suppose once im done I can call myself a writer!

Did you get trick or treaters and hand out candy?

Im trying, I have to work really hard to distract myself from how I am feeling. Thanks too karen, I am really happy I joined here!
Posted 11/2/2009 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
I got candy but not for the trick or treaters:).......Decided that with all going on me handling three large barking dogs while trying to hand out candy may be a bit much. You won't hear me say that too often but it wasn't worth the stress.

Distraction is good........I like retail therapy..LOL........I am fortunate to be able to do that to some extent. Usually my retail therapy benefits everyone.....like my new lighting I hung this weekend. Occasionally a great pair of shoes or a bag catches my eye though:)

What are your blogs about? I will have to check them out if you lead me in the right direction......I am anxious to hear how you do on your "first" writing!!
Posted 11/2/2009 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
I am going to have to make sure that I go slow on the candy! Lol, I dont want tot gain any more weight, especially with more holidays on the way. I love retail therapy, but I rarely get to indulge since I am really broke. But I love to get books and clothes when I can.

Here are the links to my blogs:

http://wyldeabout.blogspot.com/

http://phoenixrising73.wordpress.com/


So I had to force myself to write last night. they say in order to hit 50,000 words in the 30 days, you should write a minimum of about 1600 a day. I wasnt sure how to start, but I got it going and wrote 2700 words! They say that it can be utter crap and most likely will be, the goal is to make the word count, and then you can go back later and fix mistakes and do re-writes. I think I kind of like where I am going with is so far. Its a post-apocalyptic science-fiction novel about the earth getting revenge back on humans for them destroying her..
I am trying to do that and do school work all at the same time, and its tough. I go to college online too, and as soon as my classes are done I am taking a break, I need it!
Posted 11/2/2009 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Wow you defnitely have a lot on your plate!! School as well?? Good for you!! But a break may be needed in light of everything. Your mental health takes precedance!

I will check out the blogs!! The book sounds very interesting, kind of a thought proviking topic I think. I don't think anything people write is ever crap.......Be positive!!

I hear you on the candy......usually I have a few and then I am sick of it.
Posted 11/2/2009 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
I sure feel like it! Yeah I started going back to school last march at University Of Phoenix online. I am right now working on my A/A degree in social services, but I am thinking I would like to switch my major once I am done somehow to environmental studies/ecology/conservation. I have to really research it and I really can only go to school online so im not sure what I am going to do about that. Let me know what you think about my blogs. I dont really get many readers, but I dont care, I write because I like and need to write, whether people read them or not ya know?
Posted 11/2/2009 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
Good reason to write and fabulous attitude!! I will take a look at your blogs and let you know what I think.....I am sure I will be impressed!!

-Jenn
Posted 11/3/2009 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
WyldeSage,

Good luck with the NaNoWriMo! I've tried it twice and haven't made it beyond a week. My favorite piece of advice: "You can always add an orangutan." So true.

serafena
Posted 11/3/2009 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Serafena,

Thanks. This is my first year doing it. I had thought bout it for the last couple of years, but never bothered because I didnt think I could do it. I am at a little over 4500 words right now. Its been hard to sit down and keep my story going, but I really am going to try.
Posted 11/3/2009 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
You are doing great!!!

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/3/2009 6:47 PM (GMT 0)
That's awesome! That's 4500 more words than I've written this week!

serafena
Posted 11/3/2009 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks!!! :)
Posted 11/3/2009 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
hey wydle sage i just wanted to say from your first post on this topic i know how you feel. i thort my docter just didnt really care and wanted me just try medication. when i went he barely even looked at me. just at his computer screen and printed off a persricption for anti depresants. i was quite scared in taking them. i took about 4 or 5 but stopped after few days coz my older sister had some bad effects from them but its not to say the right medication wont work there are many people on here who have found peace with in medication but on my behalf i believe i can try fight depression with bringing people together who want to be happy. also alot of my family and friends find it hard to deal with the break downs i have from time to time too. i dont really like to talk about whats happened over the last 8 months of my life but if i dont get it off my chest it will only bottle it up and become something i will later regret. i was at my parents place as they were trying to take care of me when i was really messed up and had try to take an overdose previously. i had a really bad episode in bed one night and felt the world closing in on me, i believed everyone thort i was a waste of space. so i tried again and took what pills i could find. in the morning my mum found me throwing up on the floor on my hands and knees. i think she never ment to do this coz of shock but she sed to me "ive had enough of this and said do what you want with your life" and walked out. 30 seconds later she came running back in to help me but never called the ambulence or anything. i know she loves me but she cares more about my future than rather understanding i might have a serious problem. alot of people cannot see depression as an illness because it doesnt show and they may think its just a person being pathectic (as my ex fiancee still says today) but those people wont understand until they feel it. its a horible thing to have but you can fight it. you just haved to believe you can. ive been doing so much better since ive been on this website. its great to talk. i see you also said you have a daughter. you must be very proud if you can speak about taking her trickle treating. i hope you can find a better solution weather it be medication or something else to help you through this. just hang in there and be positive. we are all worth the space. come talk to me if you feeling down and i hope i can do the same :)

Martyn
Posted 11/3/2009 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Martyn,

I am not going to edit your post because I think you needed a release and I want you to have that.  But we do have to be careful about talking about self harm, so in the future, be aware of that.  I don't make the rules, but have to enforce them.  I am so happy that this website is helping you.  That is the reason I didn't edit anything out of your post.  Because I know that it made you feel better to be able to get that out.  And that is a big part of what HealingWell is all about. 

I am kind of glad that your mom didn't call an ambulance, though what you did could have been fatal to you.  But being that you were a harm to yourself, they could have put you into psych ward.  And I don't think that is the place for you at this time.  And you are sounding better with things going the way that they are.  And I know that you feel this forum has a lot to do with that.  For that I am so happy.  I am glad that you are getting help. 

Do you see a counselor?  I can't remember if you have mentioned that before or not.  It sounds like you don't feel comfortable with medications.  So I think a psychologist would be of great help to you.  They are very supportive and good at giving you direction in your life.  Also problem solving, especially for us who have many questions about things in life.  So if you aren't seeing one, it might be something that you might want to look into.  Also books are good.  I have read a book called Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy.  By Dr. Burns.  It is a really good book and I think that you would like it. 

I am glad that you are feeling better.  At least that is what I understand from your other post that you made today.  I am so happy for you.  Continue to post and take advantage of HealingWell.  We are all here for you.  We will continue to be here and to support you.  Take care, keep on posting.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/4/2009 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Martyn,

Thanks for talking to me. It can be really hard like you said, especially when people think that depression and anxiety are all made up and dont truly understand. I have found this is a great place, and so far everyone has been really awesome, so I am really happy to have a place to talk.

I am curious how old you are? I would hope that your mom would do what she could to help you, but if not, then you need to find people who will...like Karen said, seeking counseling would be great. I think the one thing is that those of us who deal with depression are great for talking to because we understand, and we are having good times, we can be there for those who arent.

I cant imagine how it feels to want to hurt yourself, but I want you to know that it doenst help, but talking does, there are a lot of good things out in life, they may be hard to see sometimes but they are there. :)
Posted 11/5/2009 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Wyldesage-

Not ignoring you!! Please do not think that.....in the midst of some new things on my end. Please if you need me let me know and as soon as I am online I will respond......the next few weeks will be touchy but I will try and answer/post/aide whenever I can........HUGS GIRL......Jenn
Posted 11/5/2009 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
Jenn...

Hey no worries, I didnt think that at all, we are all busy, I dont expect you to message me every day :P lol.

Unfortunately I just got some bad news this week. My fiancee's father who has been extremely ill (and is a diehard alcoholic) just went back to the hospital again yesterday for breathing probelsm - he has copd, and his smoking isnt helping. This is the 9th time in the last year and a half. HYe is going blind and now his mind is going, he cant remember anything and asks things over and over. We have to try to get him into a home, but he is only on SSI and medicare...so I dont know what we are going to do about that, and we found out a few weeks ago that his grandmother has cancer and we just got a call from his mom tonight saying its terminal and that she has 4-6 weeks to live, so we are going to have to make an emergency trip next week to go see them (they live 6 hours from us)...so it's been really bad over here because of all that. I am not sure how to help my fiancee cope with that, but I have to do something

I guess its good in a way that we both arent working at the moment so we can go up there. The only good things that have been going on are that we have been able to spend time together, and working on my novel, but that has been slow going I think.

Thats the update, I wish is was better news.
Posted 11/5/2009 11:37 AM (GMT 0)
As I recall, if you fiance's father goes into the hospital for three days before he has to be placed in a (if it is one) nursing home, Medicaire has to pay 80 percent of it. And the medicaid will pick up the other 20 percent. Not positive, but it use to be that way. IF it is foster care, then medicaide picks it all up. Now this was years ago, but that is how it use to be. My grandmother had taken a fall years ago, and because the hospital sent her home a day early, so she had to pay. She didn't have medicaid. But my mother went into a foster home and medicaid paid it all. So check that out.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/5/2009 4:01 PM (GMT 0)
We hear so many different things. Almost every time he was in before was anywhere from 3-6 days, but since he was more aware of everything back then, he would agree to be discharged so there was nothing we could do about it. We are going over there today and see what we can find out, we think he does realize enough now that he has to go into a home.

Jeanie
Posted 11/5/2009 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
I know how hard this is because I went through the same thing with my mother and grandmother. All I know is that I did what was in the best interest of them, and it all worked out.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Keep us posted, please.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/5/2009 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
I know it is, I dont want them to suffer. We knew things were going downhill for his dad, but his grandma was perfectly healthy about 6 months ago, so this has happened very suddenly and has been hard to deal with.

Jeanie
Posted 11/5/2009 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
Jeanie,

I know that this is such a hard situation.  But things will work out and you will feel good knowing that your father in law and grandmother will be well taken care of.  You will be able to rest with that feeling. 

It does take a little time to get these things in order, and I am sure that you will have a lot of questions of the facilities.  But most nursing homes and foster care homes are good.  Though these people might get mad in the beginning, rest assured that it will all work out in the end.  I know that my mother wasn't happy with the foster care home, but she ended up getting an appartment with assisted living.  She had friends there and it was like a small community.  My grandmother was just happy with coffee and cookies. lol...  But she didn't recognize people that well anymore.  We tried a push button thing, where she just had to push a button when she needed help.  But she got angry and threatened to throw the equipment outside.  She eventually fell and I had no choice but to put her into the nursing home, the bad part was the doctor released her from the hospital too soon and she didn't get the coverage to pay for it.  It had to come out of her own money and when that ran out, medicaid covered it.  But that worked out okay too.

I hope that you feel somewhat better about this.  It is hard, but it is for the best.  And it will take a lot of stress off of you and your husband.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/9/2009 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all...

Just wanted to update on whats going on. I will not be online at all next week. My fiancee's grandmother passed away this morning, she was unable to hold on any longer. Its been extremely difficult for us all, but at least she is at peace now. We are heading north to visit with family, and will not have access to any computers, which is fine with me, I need a break anyway. His dad this weekend was placed into a nursing home, we have to talk to a social worker tomorrow to get him all squared away and hopefully stay at that particular place permanently. Its a really nice place, and it is close by. Needless to say its been a pretty emotional weekend for us. I will update when we get back home.

Thanks everyone,

Jeanie
Posted 11/9/2009 6:28 AM (GMT 0)
Jeanie,

Thanks for posting. I am sorry to herar about your husband's grandmother, but like you say, she is at peace now. And I am sorry that your father in law is going into a nursing home. But this will be for the best. I am sure that they will take good care of him there.

When you get back, let us know how everything is. WE will be think of you and praying for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/18/2009 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
We are back from our trip. It did not go very well. Well, it was ok I suppose considering that we went up to say goodbye since my fiancee's grandma passed away. I ended up having anxiety pretty much the whole time we were up there, and I was embarrassed about how I was feeling. I dont like bieng around people when I am feeling like that, and I had to be. We went to the local beach a couple of times, and that was really the only time I felt ok. I was starting my period on top of all that, so it really had me messed up. I was constantly anxious, and lightheaded and crying all the time. I am slowly starting to feel a little better, like coming out of a fog, but I am still having stress and anxiety, and can seem to only take it really slowly at the moment. Its been very hard to concentrate on anything. My fiancee has been supportive, but I know he is worried, and really frustrated at me at the same. I keep getting mad at myself for how I have been feeling since I seemingly let the anxiety take over, now I am caught in that spiral. Some days I dont know what to think and feel like a failure, like I just cant do anything right. I know this isnt true, but thats how I feel sometimes. I have somehow forgotten how to relax and smile, I need to find that again.....
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