Back . . . or front, whichever you prefer

I haven't been on in awhile; I got either here Panic/Anxiety.  I guess I'll be going to a new one on Thursday because I got one of those cards after my first bloodwork in years saying I have to come in and discuss.  No, they won't tell me over the phone.

Anyways, if anyone remembers me, I have the (now) 10 cats, 5 special needs (don't worry anyone new, I take excellent care of all of them).  Anyways, I had to move into a converted garage for financial reasons (still buy the best food and they drink Arrowhead Mountain Spring water and get all their vet care they need (I'm bartering now, jewelry for vet care), but anyways, my landlords went balistic on me because, well I'm their live-in pet-sitter that pays rent (not supposed to call it "rent" because it saved them $16,000 calling it a guest room so it has no stove).  Anyways, I've been talking to them about a couple of their cats about taking them to the vet, they are severely dehydrated, one is anemic, skin stands on end, eyes gooping red/black and all sorts of goop only I clean out when I pet-sit; and one has the severest of gingivitis (she's also has cerebal palsy).  Her breath is dangerous.

Well I finally upped and e-mailed him that I was going to take them to my vet (I've asked them over many month to take these two to the vet, and others - one of which died 3 days after being taken to the vet after I told them he needed care immediately a few times within the previou 5 months, while they were on vacation (when I was scheduled to pet-sit anyway) and offered to barter my stuff to get it done (even though these people have PLENTY of money to care for these animals.  They don't spend time with them, they don't keep them clean, Giardia everywhere over there - sickening.  I said in the e-mail that I was going to call the HSUS (Humane Society of the United States) just to ask if a pet-sitter can take an owners' pets to the vet if they are sick.  That was it (I wrote more, but this is what they took as a "threat to turn them in."

She got so upset, he got so upset, yet he only e-mailed me - neither would confront me face-to-face.  I think they got so upset because it IS so filthy over there.  They don't clean the litter boxes regularly (3 small litter boxes for 9 cats, one of which poops all over anywhere in teh hose because of Giardia) - ANYways, shortly after my e-mail, I get one back from him saying they are "sealing" the entrance from my converted garage to the laundry room (which it's written in the agreement that I have access to the laundry room and can use their washer/dryer), are changing the locks on their front door and my Pet-Sitting services (of almost 3 years now) are no longer required, I am not allowed in their house or around their animals at any time.   ALL because they misunderstood without even talking to me first about the calling HSUS to see if a pet-sitter could do that.  I wasn't planning on using names, turning them in (which they need to be, believe me).

I'm sorry, after we e-mailed back and forth about 10 times, he just did not believe me and truly believed I was going to turn them in and was threatening them and he was such a bastar@ (when the day before he grabbed my hand and said I'd always be family no matter what - they've both said this multiple times).

It's worse.  The next day, I ask if he'll talk to me face-to-face (again) and he won't.  I ask why and why and start to cry (thought I was part of their family), he gets meaner and meaner and I just blurted out, I'm going to kill myself and hung up.  So darn it, he calls my social worker (I'm now on food stamps and applied for SSD), a Sheriff and a police guy.  Hey, he opened the door there, so I just answered everything they asked.  They asked how many cats I had, I said 10, 5 were special needs, they couldn't believe how clean it was and how fresh it smelled in my little area, especially for having 10 cats (I live for them), and, well since he opened the door, I said it was very unlike next door because now 3 of my cats had Giardia from cats they neglect which means I have to give 200 pills over the next 10 days (from tomorrow when I get the Metronidazole from the Vet), because you need to treat them all.  So I didn't turn them in at that point, just let them know the situation.  There is no smell in my house at all of animal.  Their house which is a big house, smells reeeeeeeeeeeeally bad.  In fact they have one room they call "The Living Room" that I just steam-cleaned that room for them the day before all this anyways so "they could have people over".  She literally lights incense, scented candles right in the foyer and inside the living room and does not allow any guest in her kitchen (poop on floor, even if she cleans it, it's that quick) - says it's 'cause she wants them to be her guest and treat them.

ACK!  Sorry for all this.  I went into a hitting-myself frenzy, couldn't stop crying after his saying they BOTH took it as a threat, and his saying he was SEALING off the door to the laundry, changing the locks on the front door, I am not allowed to go near their pets (even though he told the sheriff I was a great pet-sitter; that's what they told me he said), I went really crazy and have lost all hope in people; completely.  Never to trust again. 

I hate people (Sorry everybody); I don't trust anyone's intentions, I don't trust any human person.  I ONLY trust my cats.  I'm in a really bad place.  For them to call me a liar by saying that I threatened them makes me sick to my stomach.  I'm not a liar, and after the Psychologist sexually abused me and lied up the yin-yang about me, as well as his partner Psychiatrist; then I move back home here and the first Psychiatrist has a pending accusation against him for boundary violations, and THEN I go to the next Psychiatrist who, after about 4 or 5 months of seeing him shoots his wife, 7 year old daughter and then himself, and THEN.............

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  I hate this life.

I have to go to bed, too!  I don't think the meds are going to work, but I have to get up early to take 2 of the

cats into the vet 25 miles away tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry for the rant - I just have absolutely not one body or soul to speak with in the entire world; well, except my beloved cats and I do talk to them.  I don't like human touch, hugs or anything anyways.

As the elders here know, I've become a/sexual - no desire at all and actually repulsed even by the touch of a hand.  I have officially lost it.  Sorry this is not the usual positive-outlook me, but there is nothing left but my cats and they are the only, only reason I am here.  I have the means to let go whenever I want and they actually do have a lifetime place to go that I paid a lot of money for on my credit card if anything happens to me, but I love them so much and love to play with them, watch them play, sleep with them, be around them.  They are the only thing in this entire world I live for.

I have to at least try to go to bed because I have to take the two to the vet tomorrow.

Julie O'

(I'm not a vet, but Red-Cross Certified in Dog/Cat First Aid, am a "retired" volunteer/foster/adopt-a-pet-er and do hospice care for animals).

How are you going my love??? I would also agree with Frances,as everything she said i was going to say pretty much the same ok. I'm so glad to hear from a loving lady who cares for animals. I to am an animal lover julie and i also dont like people treating them bad. So keep up the great work that you do everyday!!! Also maybe you should go and see your Doctor or councellor as it may help you get through your crisis?? You can only try my darling ok. Also Frances said that there are very nice people in the world and this is so true. Julie you will find someone very wonderful to be in ur life,it just takes time. Stay safe. Pick-up the telephone when your in need of help at any time.

best wishes julie,

beverley.