Can't write

to people.

Julie

I quasi-posted at a site I used to belong to that is specific to my type of PTSD, but they changed the site so much, I doubt anyone will even see my post as they don't allow you anymore to start a new thread, you just add on to the ones they've chosen, so it's impossible to find anything there anymore.  Anyway, I'll just post it here since I had posted in the wrong area there, then cut and pasted it, I don't care.  It's just they have a very private forum and I am super hyper-vigilent these days and my requests at the bottom for the type of support I need - please anyone that responds, take seriously as I am beginning to feel highly suicidal again and haven't felt this way since before the lawsuit - the original trigger, then being sexually assaulted, exploited and battered by the Psychologist while at the same time being misdiagnosed and dysfunctional.

My civil case settled for a lot in 2006 and the Medical Board "settled" w/out my knowledge in early 2007.
I just need some support as I moved away from Los Angeles in 2005 back to where I grew up.  Mistake.   Things have gotten to a point where I'm feeling suicidal again and being triggered at just about every single turn in this small town by abuse of power from people I trusted (not to mention the first Psychiatrist I saw when I got back here - the only one available at the time had an accusation filed against him for boundary violations; the next I went to ended up murdering his wife, 7 year old daughter, then shooting himself (still haven't processed that one at all - very weird like it just didn't happen or something, but that's PTSD; it comes out when it comes out).

I've lost trust in every living human in every way except my very few authentic friends in L.A.  and my beloved cats.  I do not trust anyone's intentions anymore at all.  Since I've been back home I've been "power-overe'd" 3-4 times that I can think of right off the bat in serious and very hurtful ways. 

I've had to file for disability (and now wait 4-6 months) because I cannot be around people anymore becuse of this hyper-vigilence and, once again, am a recluse as I was when I was misdiagnosed for over 2 years and on meds that made me completely dysfunctional.

To alleviate further triggers, I just ask that any responses are that of understanding, empathy and/or like situations minus any advice or suggestions.  Please, pleeeeeeeease no suggestions or advice.  Not needed right now and will trigger me tremendously- just need the support stated above.  I'm very frail right now.  It is my hope that my candor is taken as just that, and not any type of reflection of anyone here.

Truly just about a gonner.  (I will never, ever go to another hospital again - those reasons on another site).

Please be gentle, I'm trying to live because I love my cats to the depth of my being.  They are my only joy.

Being true to myself is what gets me in trouble, I just can't "not" be authentic and honest. 

The recent story is too much to bring up as it's a big trigger.  (By the way, I deleted the post from the other site as their new system doesn't work).

I am close to being evicted (I will fight back as an unemployed legal secretary (for 23 years) and have half the forms filled out, including the fee waiver as I'm broke and have to do this In Pro Per.  I have 2 lawyer friends, 1 in L.A. (very aggressive) and one in San Francisco (very empathic and calm).  It's just that since I've been threated with eviction (because I said, after repeatedly telling them that 1 of their cats is close to death and another has some serious oral issues, most likely cancer by now), and said I woudl take them in, barter my own stuff (because she refuses to vet care her animals until it's way too late - experience) to take 2 of their cats in while I was to pet-sit while they were on vacation.  I stated I was going to call the HSUS (Humane Society of the United States) just to see if this is okay to do.  (I was set to pet-sit that weekend).

They both took this as a threat (supposedly) and immediately "sealed" me out of their part of the house where I was supposed to have full access to in order to let the dogs out whenever during the day while they were at work and make sure they had food and water (where often they would leave for work and the dogs had no food, no water - 2 of them definitely because they were locked in separate rooms.  Cats are all indoors (like mine).  They lost one cat since I've been here to kidney failure (he's saying now heart problems like the mother of this cat, but I was there), and I warned them each time I woudl pet-sit before I moved in that "Romeo" was way too thin, dehydrated, needed immediate vet care which they said they would do.  Next pet-sitting, I noticed and said the same thing, same response.  3rd or 4th time, (about 6 months or more down the road) they took Romeo to the vet.  He was on a fluid drip for 3 days and then died from kidney failure).  They had a dog, Simon, I LOVED that dog, who suddenly started becoming very aggressive.  I told them aggression was very often a sign of pain and illness and he needed to go to the vet.  Instead of taking him to a vet, they banned him to the cold garage (where I live now, except it's converted).  So when I pet-sat, I would spend a lot of time on the mattress and comfortor I had and brought for him (Simon) and just lay next to him and talk with him.  He was so whimpery.  Finally he started vomiting severely w/foam (no rabies, no), and was so weak and missed his other dog friends that they wouldn't allow him to see that the landlord finally "heard" me, they took him in and, yup, he had leukemia.  Was in total pain that entire time he was being punished.

Anyways, there's a lot more to this story - a lot of lies, threats, coersion, power-over stuff.  This just happens to be my current trigger and I am affected every second of every day and feel scared and like my cats are going to be taken away (my family and truly only reason for living). 

As soon as I can get out of here I will, but I don't think they're going to allow me to stay that long. 

I truly believe I was locked out of the house (because I was supposed to have access to laundry, too, as part of the deal, and that is sealed off, too - but it's next to the kitty litter room which they do not scoop every day -they only have 3 smaller litter boxes and put very little litter in there, the one cat has had Giardia for years, but she said blatantly this cat will never go to the vet, I offered many times to take her), but this cat walks around with poop all over the back legs - they don't even clean it off, they rarely clean her gooby eyes (severe herpes and she's almost completely blind now and the goob is bloody red and black.  She cleans on rare occasion with dry tissues, I would soak with slightly warmed cotton balls and work out the entire goops and black stains, very gently as this cat deserved. 

ACK!  They let their animals suffer.  They have certificates for being animal advocates because all of their animals came from the shelter, they give money to shelters, she's started a cool program at a shelter - they've done good in that way and have aaaaaaaaall the notariety vis-a-vis newspaper articles, certificates  framed all over their walls, yet when you walk into the real part of their house, it smells of sickness, poop on floors, they punish the poor Basset House for "speaking" by sending him outdoors, and leave him there.  (When I would pet sit and try to get them all to calm down from barking, the basset hound would just automatically walk towards the door.  SO saddened by this.  I wouldn't send her out, I would give her a big hug and lovins'.  Those animals crooned for me when they sealed me out a few weeks ago, now when they see me through the bathroom window, they just look at me like I've hurt them and abandoned them, and I haven't.  That was their parents' choice.

There is SO much more to this.  Landlord (radio show host) is a crazy-maker sociopath (you know, the charming type that is really good at lying AND using power-over threats to get what he wants, intent is never what you think it is); she is in total denial of her neglect of her cats (he, too, of how he treats his dogs, although she is much worse).

I have no money - this is my problem.  No money, no income - December and January rent (but think I will be served before then, not sure) - I never, ever would have moved here if I thought they would turn on me on a dime.  They said I was family all the time; they've "adopted me", they would "never kick me out" (it's an issue of mine because my mom always, always kicked me out when I was young), and so now this... and more, just need to give fluids to my hypercalcemic cat now before the fluids cool off too much.

I hope someone can muddle through this and just offer support. 

This is why I came here.

Thanks,

Julie O'

My one cat with chronic gingivitis has to go to the vet once/year for cleanings - he always loses at least one tooth.  Ends up when I went to the Vet Opthamologist (back when I had money), she thought he might have Bartonella as he had many of the symptoms, chronic gingivitis being one of them.  According to her, the only place to have testing for this done is in New Jersey (can't remember the name of the place), but they sent out tests and it came back positive, so he was put on Azithramycin for the full term and some other stuff I can't remember (about 5 years back when discovered).

The antibiotics (is it Clavamox?) isn't going to make anything better if it's a chronic condition - a disease.  You're just filling the vet's pockets.  My vet also authorizes all my meds (a lot for 5 special needs cats) on line and even Wal-Mart for the newest, Phenobarbital for my little "Squint's" seizures.

I'm going to write this because it's very important your cat get a dental - if you go here CareCredit . com

and go to the drop-down list on the right and pick "Veterinarian" and go from there, you can most likely get immediate money for the dental and they give you many months to pay it off w/out interest.  I say this because of the severe pain gingivitis causes and the serious results that can occur.  I am pasting an article from Cat Fancy magazine that I'd hope you will read the entire thing.  One other thing:  Because I am broke, I am bartering with my Vet right now - maybe you could find a Vet to barter with?  One of my cats just started seizing and the other has chronic gingivitis and his behavior was becoming aggressive, so I knew it was time for his dental.  His breath wasn't yet bad, bu that is a very bad sign and the cat is in a lot of pain if the breat his stinky.  I've already bartered away a Diamond and Sapphire ring, WWII Coins, next is an "Allen" cat clock (they're in the mid-$50's), then my gold chain that is beautiful, then my $400 Dog vs. Cat chess set that I adore.  But they are just things an my family is my family.

Anyways, here's the article, I hope you find it helpful:

"Plasmacytic-Lymphocytic Stomatitis in cats is a chronic condition that results in extreme gingivitis and tooth loss. There are several things that cause this disease but the end result is always the same. Cats with stomatitis often have a rancid odor in their mouth, salivate excessively and have difficulty eating. The chronic mouth pain results in a decreased appetite and weight loss. Examination of the teeth and gums reveals extreme gingivitis especially around the upper back molars. The gums will appear raw and bumpy and bleed easily. As the disease progresses the gums will recede from the tooth root and the root will begin to be absorbed resulting in tooth loss. Biopsies of affected gum tissue reveal plasma cells and lymphocytes, thus the name of the disease. These cells are present in cases of chronic inflammation and reveal not a distinct disease but rather an out-of-control immune reaction. With this degree of inflammation occurring, secondary invasion of bacteria is very common. The bacterial infection results in the rancid odor and can lead to bacterial invasion of the blood stream with infection in other organs such as the kidneys, heart and liver.

Researchers have not been able to isolate any one cause of this disease, although calicivirus has been isolated in many of these cases. Calicivirus infections in kittens cause small blisters on the tongue and gums. It is suspected that many cats are chronically infected with this virus with recurrent infections causing extreme gingivitis.

Diseases that cause a suppression of the immune system can result in chronic stomatitis. Many cats with Feline Leukemia Virus infection and Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV) also have extreme gingivitis. There are also many unknown factors that could play a role in this disease such as a severe reaction to bacteria present in plaque. The severe lesions seen in cats with this disease suggest that the underlying cause is most likely a combination of two or more of the above factors.

Lymphocytic-plasmacytic stomatitis tends to occur in young adults and older cats. Kittens develop juvenile gingivitis that causes mouth odor and inflamed gums but with aggressive home care most kittens will outgrow this gingivitis within 2 years. Several cases of juvenile onset periodontitis have been reported. This disease starts before 9 months of age and unlike juvenile gingivitis results in excessive plaque and tartar build up on the teeth.

Various treatment regimens have been used for chronic stomatitis with varied results. Unfortunately, on a long term basis response to treatment is poor. The cornerstone of any treatment approach is a thorough dental cleaning under anesthesia. It is important to get below the gum line and to apply a long acting disinfectant gel. Antibiotic therapy gives temporary relief and will control bacterial invasion of the gum tissue. Antinflammatory therapy with cortisone has been used with mixed results. Immunostimulants such as Immunoregulin also have been used with some success.

Extraction of all the premolars and molars seems to be the only treatment option that provides long term relief to these cats. It is important that all the roots be extracted to eliminate the inflammatory response. This option is utilized after all the above treatments have failed to give these cats some relief. It is important to remember that these cats are in extreme pain and are reluctant to eat; providing adequate nutritional support is essential. There are several high calorie soft foods on the market that will provide this required nutrition.

Since treatment response is poor, it makes sense that chronic gingivitis is better controlled through prevention. Since calicivirus appears to be a possible contributing factor to this disease, it is important to control upper respiratory infections in the household. Kittens should be vaccinated against calicivirus at 6 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks of age, and they should be kept isolated from other kittens and adults until the vaccination series is completed. All adults in the household should also be kept current on their calicivirus vaccinations. In addition, testing should be done for Feline Leukemia and FIV. Any positive cats should be removed or isolated.

Any adults that either have chronic gingivitis or produce kittens that later develop chronic gingivitis should be spayed or neutered. If gingivitis does occur, then early aggressive treatment is important for control. Teeth should be checked weekly for gingivitis beginning at 12 weeks of age. Pay special attention to the premolars and molars. If gingivitis is present, aggressive homecare with topical antiseptic gels should be started. Antibiotics should also be used if there is any odor or pain present in the mouth.

In early 1997, two new products came on the market that are designed to prevent and control tartar and gingivitis. T/D is a dry food produced by Hill's that is designed to reduce the rate of plaque and tartar accumulation. If severe disease is already present then the use of this food is contraindicated. C.E.T. Chews produced by VRx Pharmaceuticals is a freeze-dried fish treat that provides abrasive cleansing action as well as antibacterial enzymes to combat gingivitis. Both products are available through veterinarians and may prove to be important tools in preventing chronic gingivitis and ultimate tooth loss in cats."

Author:
~Cat Fancy Website