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i need help with controling my manic behaviour...... help!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted 11/26/2009 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
hello Frances,

How are you? well i hope. Just an update regarding my med's!!! Today i was to be taking 3 tabs of seroquel but thismorning when i took it about 1/2 hour later i was totally smashed off my face,my body felt like a lump of concrete and my heart was racing so fast that i nearly passed out. Then the palpitation's started,the confusion and i kep forgetting thing's!!! der..... lol   Im not working 2morrow so i will have the next 3 day's to get this under control?? IF EVER>>>>

Again thankyou for ur reply it means alot that people out there really care..  thx thx thx............

ur very kind Frances and hope ur doing well.

sincerly,

damagedgoods41...... eyes sad eyes sad        xxxxxxxxxx

 

Posted 11/26/2009 10:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all just wanting to say hello to all and hope ur all well?? Or as well as can be!!!!!!!!!!!!



((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO ALL)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 11/26/2009 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

Just popping in to say hello. I have to work today, and it is Thanksgiving here. What a bummer. But I will survive. We don't always get what we want I guess.

I hope that you are having a good day. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Sorry I haven't been on much, but we had to put our german shepherd to sleep and I was really depressed. But feeling better now.

Take care, remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/26/2009 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
cry  Dear Karen,

 

Im so terribly sorry that u had to put ur dog to sleep!! It's one of the hardest thing's to do hey!! I remember when i put my dog to sleep as she had a brain tumor,i went in with her and they did what they had to do but after she was gone i couldn't let her go so i stayed with her for about 4hrs as the vet said i needed to do it. I can truly imagine how down u must be feeling but Karen alway's remember that even though there not here in bod form but they are with us in a spiritual kind of way. Every night i look at the brightest star and that's my dog "FRANCIS".

aLSO kAREN THIS MAY ALSO HELP U TO DEAL WITH THIS LOSS. i HAD AN EARN made for her ashes and still have it in my china cabinet,and this helped me to grieve her loss. I hope this help's u some??? Try and stay strong for YOU and it will take time but you will get there. We are all here to support you Karen.

 

sincerly,

 

damagedgoods41...... shakehead shakehead       xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Posted 11/26/2009 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
P.S. HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL IN THE USA!!!!!!!!!!!

HOPE U ALL HAVE A VERY HAPPY DAY.......................

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DAMAGED........ :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted 11/27/2009 5:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Beverly,

You have such kind words.  I couldn't afford to keep her ashes, they wanted over 250.00.  But I do have photos and my memories.  She was a good dog.  I really loved her.  I still do.  I still have my other dog and that helps.  But she is 13 years old.  Acts like a pup though.  I can't believe it.  She had a bad day the day before Dharma got sick.  It was wierd, she couldn't walk and she wouldn't eat.  The next day she was better and Dharma got sick and never got better.  But I am trying to cope.  It is hard thogh.  Working takes my mind off of it.  I am glad that I can go to work.  But coming home reminds me of her again.  So it gets hard again.  And I have tomorrow off, but I think each day will get a little easier, I hope so.

I really do thank you for your kindness.  It really helps to have that support.  I hope that you are having a good day today and that being on your medications is getting easier for you.  Take care.  I am so happy that you posted.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/27/2009 10:36 AM (GMT 0)
mad    mad   cry   cry Dear Karen,Frances or anyone please help me as im at my wit's end!!!!!  I spoke to my daughter about an hour ago after my mum called her again and without telling me she put the phone to my ear and pushed me to talk. As soon as i said hello how are you Beccy? She started going off at me, saying it's my fault that her father ***** abused her,she also said you cant go to England to live because if u do i will get really full on with my drug use and become an even worse addict and that's ur fault to. Then she said ur my Mother and you cant live in England as u have a child and ur just going to abandon me. I told her that i had brought her up as a single mother,struggled but still got there in the end. Then again she said i need to blame you Mum for everything that's gone wrong in my life and if i take after u i will end up with a bag/ileostomy and said that she will get endometriosis and have a hyster the same as me. She is adamant she will end up like me???

She also told me to **** Off on the phone. Then she said that my family are saying terrible thing's about me behind my back,and they want nothing to do with me. GOD I HATE THIS ITS TEARING MY HEART OUT!! She said that i cant go anywhere until the day she dies as it's a MOther's duty to stay in the same country as there children Then said i could of had a brother or sister but instead you have an A*******N you weak *****!! She told me im selfish and only care about myself,which is so untrue as i put everyone else first and alway's have. No matter what i do or say i just cant win anymore.

And i dont want to go on as it's to painful-MENTALLY!!!! Im sick of crying and am sick of trying to justify that i need to go to England and start my new life but now it wont happen. As usual nobody cares that i need to get the H*** out of here. I just cant take all this as im not mentally strong enough anymore.........

damaged......... even more now>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

cry  

Posted 11/27/2009 10:41 AM (GMT 0)
Oh also i just recieved a msg on my mobile phone and it say's
"YOU STAY WITH UR CHILD TILL THEY FEEL READY TO LET U GO. FROM BECCY.

damaged..................... :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Posted 11/27/2009 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
Dearest Beverly,

Please don't let her get to you.  She has made all of her own decisions.  It is her job as a mother to stay clean and sober and take care of her daughter.  She just wants excuses for her addiction.  This isn't your fault and don't even let her blame you.  You are a good person, but you are in a difficult situation with people that are selfish and are cruel to you.  If you want to move to England, do so.  Start a new life with people that care about you.  Do not let her get you down.  This is her addiction talking. 

I know that it is hard to take these things in stride.  The comments do hurt.  But remember you are a wonderful person.  And that is what matters.  You raised your daughter and now it is time for her to raise hers.  She needs to get clean and sober and get on with her life as a mother.  So Please, Please, don't let this get to you.  Though I know the words hurt you, try not to let them. 

Keep posting here where you get the support that you need.  We all caer about you here and want what is best for you.  And if that takes moving away, so be it.  You deserve to have a good life.

Take care, keep in touch.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 11/27/2009 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
cry  dear Karen thx for ur kind words. ive just got out of bed,ive had no sleep as all i thought about last night was all the horrible thing's my daughter said to me. and i checked my mobile again and another message from beccy and she said "if u go to engkland i will never speak to u again and u wont see tahlia ever again either mum as u just want to abandon us!!! Im not doing that all i want is to go to england and start my new life as nobody here gives a flying toss about me and what i need and want in life. Also my mother is causing trouble netween me and beccy. I found out last night that mum talks to her atleast 2 times a week,but when i ask my mum if she's heard from her mum say's no she doesnt ring me either. She is a liar as beccy told me all of this last night. Why would my mother do this to me??? And thismorning Mum has gone to see her with my brother and took half of my shopping with her in a bag for beccy as mum says she has no money??? So she just helps herself to my food. Im sick to death of being treated like a LEPPER as that's how my family treat me. Well u know what they can all go and take a long good hard look at themselves as ive had it!!

i cant take this anymore.i dont want to breath anymore either.

damaged.....beyond repair.... devil

Posted 11/27/2009 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Karen Beccy say's that it's my duty as her mother to be here for her till the day i die.
she say's it's not her responsibility to look after Tahlia yet either as it's my job also. But you know whaT REALLY HURTS IS HER SAYING i dont want to end up like u. tHAT MAKES ME FEEL SO HORRIBLE. i busted my bum to keep a roof over her head and she was well looked after but at 15yrs she meets Patrick gets on the drugs then falls pregnant has her child then just throws her away and let's other's do her job. she is the mother and it's her job to look after Tahlia but that will never happen. im so confused but feel very numb......
Posted 11/28/2009 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

You know that good and well the things that she is saying just aren't so and don't even make any sense.  So stop letting her get to you.  Did your mother take care of her when she was a baby?  I am sure that she didn't.  So why should you be responsible for all of that?  That is if anything she said was right.  You can do for Tahlia things when you want to.  Or if you see that they need food, yes, but not because she says so.  Because you want to.  I would never give her money though.  Because with an addiction problem, you know what she will spend it on.  She will hopefully grow out of this, she had a baby at a very young age.  Maybe your mother has a soft spot for her and wants to help.  But it would be nice if she talked things over with you and was open about everything.  It would make everything run a lot smoother all the way around.  But she didn't.  Don't let it ruin your day.  It isn't worth it.  Chances are Beccy needed the food.  So maybe it was the right thing to do.    Just don't let these things hurt you anymore.  They are just words.  I know that they hurt.  But you don't have to let it get to you if you put your mind to it. 

Beverly, you are a wonderful person, never question that.  Don't feel guilty over what your daughter is doing to herself.  If worse comes to worst, you can always step in and take Tahlia and move.  Hopefully it wont come to that though.  Hopefully she will see her ways and clean up her act.  But as a mother, you will want to be there for her no matter what.  Just make sure that you don't enable her with her habit.  Keep an eye on Tahlia, and make sure that she is safe.

Take care Beverly.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/28/2009 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Karen thanks for ur reply. It all makes sense to me with what your saying, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to cope with all of this stuff going on. Also i am so angry at my Mum as she know's that at this time in my life im not ready to see Becc or even really talk to her as all she does is upset me with all of those horrible word's. Look i know there only word's but it hurt's like hell. I would rather her smack me across the face as that wouldn't hurt so much!! Also i certainly wont be giving her any money as yes she just spend's it all on her habit. Everything i brought her for her 21st birthday are all in a hock shop to sell for the money and that also disapoints me as i spent alot of money and it just went down the drain. But Karen why should i feel so guilty for wanting a little happiness in my life?? Im nearly 42yrs old and i think it's time i had my own life and happiness,it's not much to ask for is it??

But Beccy told me last night that my brother and sister have both told Beccy that DEPRESSION is just an excuse for people that are worthless!!!  If i ever see my sister i wont be held responsible for what i say or do to her as she is a complete hypocrite. I really dont have a sister kind of relationship because when i met Beccy's fater we moved to Queensland where my sister was living as she was in the army there, she came to live with us for a couple of months and during that time she was having S** with him in the next bedroom and one night i got up as was feeling sick "PREGNANT BUT DIDNT KNOW" so i went to the kitchen and got a glass of water and when i turned around to go back Jan's door opened and he walked out of there fully naked with his clothes in his arm's then i saw her on the bed stark naked. I confronted both of them an they flatly denied any wrong doing. Then i said to her tell me the truth you gutless excuse for a sister,then she came clean and said yes we have been doing this for a while!!!!! Ive forgiven her but will also never ever forget as that's the ultimate betrayal to me. But he worst thing is all of the horrible thing's my family are saying about me so when mum and dad get home later i will say to the both of them "if you have something to say about me say it to my face" it's purely gutless on ther behalf. Sorry Karen i just have to get some of this out of my head or i will go crazy.....

nough of all that how are you coping with the sad loss of ur dog?? Is it getting easier for you each day or worse?? I found the longer Francis was gone the more i missed her. But as i said look into the sky and choose the brightest star and that's ur doggy lookin down on you as i believe they can still see us. Im very spiritual and there is certainly life after death. Infact ive been very close to going down that tunnel when i was in I>C>U> i had a moment and it was beatiful. Hope ur feling  little better each day Karen nd remember she is with you,not in body form but in spiritual form..... 

How's work going for you? Doing a great job no doubt?? Happy Thanksgiven to you!!!!!!!!!

sincerly,

damaged......... cry cry mad mad    

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS KAREN)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Posted 11/28/2009 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
For your mania you could try taking some lecithin. The choline in lecithin can clam down people in the manic phase of Bipolar Disorder, but this should not be taken when you are depressed. It also helps to go on a hypoglycemic diet, that is a high protein, low refined carbohydrate, frequent snacks diet. This will stabilize blood sugar levels and prevent the production of stress hormones, such as adrenaline. Please discuss with your doctor.

Edit: I removed your signature from this thread as well as your email.   This is to protect your security and identity.

Also, we do not use professional titles in the forums as this is a peer support forum. 

20. Do not use the forum to give professional medical advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for patient support and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 11/28/2009 6:01:27 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/28/2009 6:56 AM (GMT 0)
mad   cry   Jurplesman thx for ur reply tome that's very kind of you.

I have heard of lecithin but cant remember what it is or what it does?? Sorry but brain is not working either!!!!! So i need the choline to help settle me down a bit?? Reply back with some more information and i will get back to you ok. Take care of yourself.

 

sincerly,

 

damaged........... mad cry

Posted 11/28/2009 9:32 AM (GMT 0)
cry  i what would you do if you know for a fact that ur family wants nothing to do with you because of ur ilness???? I now k ow that my family have told my daughter horrible thing's about me so they can all go to H***!!!

I have also started to comfort eat to the point that im being sick,as im eating all day and night. Im even getting up through the night and eating and i hate it but cant seem to stop myself. I honestly think the way im going at the moment will mean that i go back into a Pshyc Unit again. "scary thought". I just cant go on like this as im just chasing my own tail. it goes round and around non stop........

bye all,

damaged........... cry devil devil sad

Posted 11/28/2009 9:36 AM (GMT 0)
Just got another msg on mobile saying "Mum if you go you will never see me or Tahlia again.ever,ever,ever!!! Then say's **** YOU.
Are they trying to push me over the edge because if that's what there trying it just may work then there truly ridden of me???? Good idea i think........
Posted 11/28/2009 4:02 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

I am glad that you can come here to vent.  I think it is good for you.  I know that the words hurt.  But is only her anger coming out.  When she gets older, she will change.  This will all fall back on her someday.  Mark my words...

I am doing better now with the loss of my dog.  I have one dog still and she is very comforting.  I am not crying all day long anymore and that is a relief.  Though I miss her dearly.  I have many photos of her to remember and that makes me happy.  She was a beautiful shepherd.  I want another one, but I don't think my husband does.  It was awful hard on him, as he was the one who had to take her in to the vets that day.  So I dont' want to pressure him with the thought of another dog so soon.  But eventually I will get my way. lol...

Please look into the above post about supplements and diet.  Talk to your doctor first of course.  And please let them know what is going on right now.  You are struggleing and I think your doctor could help you with this.

REmember, you are a special person and you don't deserve what your daughter is saying to you.  But it is obvious that she is angry and I think it is her addiction talking.  Is she being a good mother?  that is my concern.  Tahlia needs love and comfort right now.  Maybe you could take her for a day and treat her with your kindness. 

You are special to us, remember that.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/29/2009 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
cry  Dear Karen,

How are you feeling today?? Hopefully ur coping a little better without ur Shepard. But remember what i told you she is alway's going to be with you,the only difference is you wont see her but she is there by ur side!!! I found it very comforting just knowing Francis was still with me all the time and i felt her presence!!! Most people wont believe this but im a strong beliver that when we are gone it's just a shell we leave behind but our spirit lives forever.....  I truly hope you can get through this Karen?? Also try talking to her as that is also very comforting.

Just some suggestion's for you Karen as ur alway's there for me.

If you ever need to have a chat just go to my email address and drop me a line and i shall get back to you ok!!!!!! Look after urself too!!

Also the situation with my daughter is still the same,she wont call me at all so she's on her own now as im not being treated like that ever again.

And Tahlia is not in Beccy's care at all. Tahlia lives with her Aunt Jessica who has Ovarian Cancer,they will operate next week. Very stressful to say the least. I want to take Tahlia and raise her but Beccy told me the other day that she wont let me see her at all.

So what do i do?? I have no idea Karen.

Also an update about my so called family,my sister hate's me and has said "she's not depressed,it's just an excuse" she has also said she wants nothing to do with me. My brother has also said he want's nothing to do with me because of my depression? "he stated that ther is no such thing as depression or other" he say's its an excuse.

Also my daughter told me that my Father has told all of my family that he hate's me and only has me living with them for the money.

And my Mother is just causing so much trouble for me and my daughter as she thrives on idol gossip and name calling behind peoples backs!!! Mosty about me. I think mum is happy that Beccy and i aren't talking?? I have also stopped talking to mum and dad as im so angry about everyting they have said and done toward;s me when ive done nothing wron at all. Thx for listening again Karen you must be sick of me venting here so much.

sincerly,,

damagedgoods41...... cry cry mad devil

Posted 11/29/2009 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

Thank you for such kind words.  I am feeling a little better today.  I worked and that is a big distraction from everything esle.  I really have to focus there and it helps me put other things out of my mind.  Though I never will forget that dog.  And I will always miss her, but I like what you said about her being here with me.  That made me feel really good.

Never feel like you are a burden here.  And I will never get tired of listening.  Know that you are supported emotionally here and that is what this place is all about.

Take care now,

My computer is running slow again and it is really frustrating.  I need something called RAM.  I am going to get it next week to speed things up a little. 

Hugs, Karen

Posted 11/29/2009 7:28 AM (GMT 0)
Thankyou Karen.............

damaged.......... xxxxxxxx
Posted 11/29/2009 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

Just wanting to give an update regarding my Bi_polar11. Im not on a manic high anymore as ive completely crashed and am now chronically depressed,there's just no end to any of it. It's like being on a rollercoaster ur up then down and ur head just goes round and round. I started my seroquel 5days ago and all it's doing is making me fully drowsy,rapid heart beat,palpitation's,dizziness and i cant stop eating,but am also getting up in the night and eating aswell. Im not sure if it's comfort eating or the side effects of the seroquel?? Im going back to see my doc tomorrow so will discuss the ABILIFY to try instead of the seroquel because it's really knocking me about and i dont want to cancel any of my job's this week as i have wed,thurs & fri to work,so i have to get this sorted and quick.

Thanks for letting me vent again as i have nobody else i can talk to as they all think im crazy because i have "MENTAL ILNESS" which is taboo in my family. Also i have been in Pshyc Units over the years and the only person that has come to visit me was my mother!! Ive had 12 admissions and not once did my father,sister or brother came to see me or even ring me as they said it's for LOONEYS ONLY they make me sick all of them. Last night my mum said to me were going away on Friday with ur brother and his girlfriend Lyn,and mumsaid you wouldn't want to go would you,and you wouldn't be able to afford it. She booked it about 2months ago as i had a phone call in regard's to confirmation and it was only booked for 4 adult's. So again i dont get an invite. They make me sick to the stomach. Im so screwed up i just dont know what to do anymore,im just so sad.

 

sincerly,

 

damaged..... cry cry confused confused       xxxxxxxxxxx

Posted 11/30/2009 1:13 AM (GMT 0)
Karen,

Your family is very toxic for you. I really would like to see you get out of that situation as soon as possible. Your daughter has been poisoned by their spitefulness and ignorance. You can't trust what she's saying as she's not rational either. Prioritize. What do you need to do to take care of YOURSELF and only yourself. Save up money and get your own place -- or move to England. Beccy's threats are meaningless as she has no power to control her own situation, let alone yours. She is simply trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants -- and it's working. But you are the mother, not her. You need to take control, insist she not talk to you the way she is talking, and stand up for yourself.

Are you seeing a counselor or doc yet?

serafena
Posted 11/30/2009 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
cry  I sERAFENA,

thankyou for ur kind reply. I agree that my family is very "TOXIC" for me and they all know how to push my buttons. Also they all know how depressed i am but they dont give a darn about what im going through. As usual they just go along with there lives like nothing's wrong and they have done this to me for the last 20 odd years. My sister rang here about an hour ago and said "hi is mum there" i said sorry Jan she's out,then she said see ya you arrogant cow!!! I tried to talk to her but as usual she just fobbed me off. Im now at the point that im going to disown my so called family as they couldn't give a rat's about anything to do with me. and ive had it... Ive also decided that on xmas day i wont be going anywhere with them to celebrate knowing how they all feel about me. Im just there soccerball,they can just kick me around when they feel like it,well that's going to stop too.

Ive also written a letter to my daughter to stry and explain why i have to go to England or other but she keep's sending me messages saying that a "mother" has to be here until she need's me no longer. also say's until the day that you die mum,as it's your duty to do so.

She has no respect for me at all. She tell's me what to do,how to dress ect ect!!! She think's she's the mother in the relationship.

But what about her child Tahlia who is only 3yrs old, but Beccy isn't there to look after her as the drug's are more important to her but she makes out that Tahlia is her life. Well if that's the case why does she choose to use and let other's look after her child.She want's her cake and eat it too. It's not my responsibility to raise her child as she is the mother,but very unfit unfortunately. Sorry im going on like a two bob watch. I just need to get some of this anger and frustration out otherwise im going to get even worse...

Thx for listening again.

sincerly,

damaged..... cry cry mad mad       xxxxxxxxx

Look after YOU Serafena!!! thx again..  xxxxxx

Posted 11/30/2009 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

As Serafena said, you are living in a toxic environment.  You need to get out of there for your sanity.  This is only going to continue to bring you down.  You are a special person and don't deserve this.  So I hope that you do move.  Even if it isn't far away, just get out of this situation!

Also as Serafena said, your daughter is using you, and will continue to do so as long as she can get away with it.  Maybe she is an unfit mother, you might have to step in, if you can handle that.  If you can't, don't feel bad about it, you have done everything you can to help her.  She doesn't appreciate any of it.  She just keeps using, in more way than one.

Take care of you!!!  That is the advice you give everybody else.  Now take your own advice.

Hugs, Karen

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