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tried and found guilty with no trial and not even guilty

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Posted 12/15/2009 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
so it was a realllllllll bad day at work and i am feeling hurt and sad and depressed about the day and my life in general seems crazy. i am not really depressed but if it keeps up like this then i will be there and no one to understand. my comanager says a employee told him i called him a ***** and i didnt but he refuses to believe me and when i denied it he said if i deny it more he will call HR and have me fired. i did not say that and he refuses to believe me and so i have been tried and found guilty but not even a trial. so he calls me incompetent and that he dont like me. it really hurts my feelings and i dont know if i can work with him any longer. i feel as if everything i touch i screw up and that i am a failure.
Posted 12/16/2009 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
hey WG. sounds like they are trying to shaft you at work, tell them to grow up, you do not need this. keep positive, you have done nothing wrong, jamie.
Posted 12/16/2009 12:55 AM (GMT 0)

You call HR first. Let them know the type of environment they have created for you. HOSTILE! Let hr know you didnt say these things. And if you didn't, there were no witnesses, but your manager is threatening you with HR. So you figured you'd give them a call first. because technically if you did call this guy a name, it is the managers obligation and duty to report it iimmediately. So there Gonna side with you. and if your manager fires you for going to HR. that is a serious lawsuit. collect unemployment until your lawyer settles the case. They cant fire you. He created a hostile work environment for you. With that he said she said stuff.

Good Luck!

 Tina

Posted 12/16/2009 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Worried,
I know jamiee is trying to help you, but honestly if you tell them off that is likely to backfire on you. Unless you don't need money (in which case, I recommend quitting). ;)

It sounds like your boss is letting the issue go. If that is the case, maybe the best choice would be for you to let it go for now, too. I know you are unhappy, but so many of us have been looking for work for a very long time. It is not easy to find a job right now. That's not to say you shouldn't start putting resumes out there & get out of that place as soon as possible. Just that if you need the money, it might be wise to hold your tongue on this one. You've made your point with him. You didn't say that horrible word. He's heard that. For some reason he refuses to believe it. But still, he's told you to stop arguing your point or he will fire you. Sometimes we have to let other people win a battle in order for us to win the war (in this case, keeping your job until you have another one lined up).

If you're not so concerned about your job or if you are 100% certain that your boss is DEFINITELY going to talk with HR, it might be wise to write them a brief letter documenting what happened. Do not put in any emotion whatsoever. Who knows why it's true, but for some reason people tend to take the side of the party that's calmer. That holds true both in the courtroom & in the office. If you write a letter that starts off saying that you like the company & have enjoyed working there, then list a couple positive things about your boss (dig deep if needed), and only then mention that there seems to be some confusion about who said what, but that you would never ever say a curse word to another employee or a client, it will usually go over better. Then say that you'd like to get to the bottom of things & are asking for their help in sorting things out because you are concerned that this false rumor could affect how others perceive you in the workplace (probably not a good idea to specifically mention your manager unless they ask you). Then sign it with a nice closing.

Be sure to keep a copy for yourself.

I know it is SOOO tempting to just argue the point until the other person believes you, but that really doesn't ever work out well for the person who's arguing. They almost always end up getting fired -- usually without any severance whatsoever. It's incredibly hard. I know that. It's so miserable when someone is spreading lies about us & others start to believe the lies over the truth. I've been there. The only encouragement that I can offer you is that at the end of the day, in spite of all the horrors of the workplace, there are people who love you & care about you. There are people who know that you would never say those kinds of things. Those are the only people who's thoughts & opinions of you really matter.

wishing you a better tomorrow,
frances
Posted 12/16/2009 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Worriedgirl,

I know it is tough when somebody says something that isn't true.  But as Frances said, if you really need the job, it might be best to let this go.  Jobs are scarce right now, and in the meantime you could be looking for something else. 

If you dont' need the job, you might want to persue it, but if things calm down, you can always continue working there.  That is if you like it.  I love my job and I had somebody stealing lottery tickets and they tried to make it look like I did it.  I did not get upset, I stayed calm about it because I knew my boss trusted me and would get to the bottom of it and she did.  The other girl got fired.  Sure I felt bad because she tried to pin it on me, but she would have tried to pin it on anybody but herself.  So I didn't take it personal.  She had an addiction and it took over her.  So sometimes it is better to stay calm and let things work out.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/16/2009 11:09 AM (GMT 0)
it is so hard to stay calm when a manager basically tells you that u are scum. i think it is unfair that he judges me without asking if i actually said it. the words he said were hurtful and could have been kept to himself. i think he is upset too cause another employee called HR on him over something im not quite sure of, just that she thought i said he was in the wrong for moving her into different positions(btw i that is not what i said to her. i told her each manager is different and will do different things for the business that they think is best.)

he also seems to think that i should hold out on going to the bathroom for hours even if i have to go. on friday he yelled at me for going to the bathroom even though he said ok when i told him i was going. and yesterday when i went to the restroom(mind you it was 12:30 and we had no guests) he said others wait and i need to wait til 2 to go. i think that is rediculous
Posted 12/16/2009 11:37 AM (GMT 0)
not just ridiculous, abuse. jamie.
Posted 12/17/2009 12:01 PM (GMT 0)
hi worriedgirl.  I think that Frances gave you the best advice!  From your posts I can actually feel how upset you are with your manager.  And feeling that way is normal and okay.  Writing about it here with us is great too.  Try to get all those emotions out of your heart and onto the paper.  That's what my first therapist used to tell me and I found how well it works.  However, Frances is 100% correct in telling you how difficult it is to get a job right now.  Both of us have been looking for a permanent job for quite a long time right now.  With so... many people being out of work at the moment it is very difficult to find a job to even apply to, let alone get an interview and get hired.  Despite the fact that your manager is being quite unfair towards you at the moment you cannot show how you feel or say anything to him(unless you win Lotto)!

Please trust us and believe us that it would not be in your best interest to challenge and speak up to your manager or even quit without being lucky enough to have another job lined up first!  Hang in there.

Cass

Posted 12/17/2009 1:03 PM (GMT 0)
i am keeping my mouth shut for time being. ii did find out who told him i called him a ***** and she is known to be a compulsive liar! yet he believes her over me! so after talking with my General Manager i am gonna have a meeting with him and this employee so that i can get her to tell him the truth that i did not call him a *****. then im gonna sit with him and try to figure out why he feels im incompetent. i know i have made some mistakes, esp. with my father in law passing away and my mom passing away. now i cant work out all cause he is also mad i took two weeks off when father in law died(was not supposed to but car broke down in florida) and two weeks off with my mom(first week she was in hospital and i was there everyday, i had to sign papers cause i was her caregiver and then second week she had passed so i was distraught and had to plan the funeral and one of my days off was thanksgiving). and he claims he mad cause i brought my daughter to the manager meeting(it was my day off and i had no babysitter cause kid was sick and also cause i dotn have a babysitter during school year) and i had it approved with General Manager. he said she interrupted twice well she did once for a drink and once to tell me she was going to bathroom but it didnt effect the meeting. at this point he is grasping for things to be mad at. but i am biting my tongue but i will not play dead either. he is supposedly leaving the first of the year
Posted 12/17/2009 2:26 PM (GMT 0)
You have legitimate reasons for missing work.  But I would put that all behind you for now.  Like Frances said, jobs are few and far between.  And as long as you like your job, I would do what I could to keep it.  I know that he is only there until January, but I would bite my tongue as long as he is there.  Please don't jeopardize your job. 

It sounds like things worked out for the best right now.  I am happy for that.  I am sure that you are a good worker.  Your story of your niece coming to the meeting reminded me of a story of one of ours at work.  One of my coworkers had to bring her little kids in because she didn't have a babysitter.  The four year old boy, out of the blue, said "I farted".  Everybody laughed so hard.  It took all the tension out of the meeting.  I really cracked up.  Innocence out of the mouths of babes you know. 

But, I guess if clearing the air is important to you, go for it.  But if you can get by without making waves, try that too.  It might not be worth it in the long run.

Take care my friend, keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/17/2009 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
i have no intentions of making waves by all means but when i am there and he is there he is treating me different and stated "until i am gone i am gonna ride your butt(he used the bad word) hard". which means he will stay on my butt until he is gone. the purpose of the talk i am gonna have with him is not to cause problems but see if i can work them out. if i can get the girl to state what she thought she heard and i can say hey that is not what i said at all and say what i actually said it may help but i am sure that this wont work as he stated he dont like me but i can try. i love my job to a certain extent but it is becoming a hostile work environment there and he may keep it going. hell when i get yelled at for going to the bathroom its pretty bad. i will keep my tongue bitten and not say anything that will cause more problems and i will stop the meeting if i see its not going anywhere or if he doesnt want to do the meeting i will not push it. but for gods sake we are adults not children and he is acting like a child. my feelings are deeply hurt and i cant understand where and what i did wrong. but you guys are right i do need to not make waves. i just really dont need this. i barely had time to grieve on my moms death and now this.


its just with all this i feel like i am two feet tall and i feel like scum. i am wondering why everything i touch seems to get screwed up. i dont know i hate the way i am feeling and it is depressing
Posted 12/18/2009 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Worried,

Just remember to stay calm at that meeting, even if the other person continues to lie & say that you did say that awful word (& there is a very good chance that she will). You're best bet of seeing things work out is to stay above all the emotion of the situation & stick to what you want to say. I'm not sure what to suggest, but it would be good to have an "exit plan" if the meeting starts to get heated -- maybe even just saying that you don't want it go longer than a certain amount of time because you know it is a busy time & you want to get back to your work. I'm not sure. Just speaking from experience that sometimes when liars are confronted they become even more insistent that they are telling the truth. Since you don't have any witnesses, it will be "she said - she said". Not good.

But I wish you the best. Hopefully she will fess up & everyone can move forward in a positive way.

blessings,
frances
Posted 12/18/2009 5:18 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that you are having to go through this when you are still grieving your mom.  This is a tough situation, I know.  I agree with Frances, just don't let the meeting get heated.  And try not to let them get to you.  I know how it is being around a hostile environment, and I know how it is when people lie.  But you know that you are telling the truth and that is what really matters, though it doesn't help when you have others lieing.  I am sorry that you even have to deal with this.  It shouldn't be this way.

I hope that things get better for you at work.

Hugs, Karen

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