Help Me

Okay, get ready to listen to my situation.

There was this girl I met online. Believe what you want about that but what really counts is how you feel about that person. Well, in any case we were dating and everything was going well. She got drunk a lot because of a problem in the past but did not trust me enough at the time to tell me. I was alright with that. Later on she started saying that she was evil, had no heart or soul. She wasn't happy where she was. She was as depressed of a person as I was. The next day she confronted that she had cut herself thinking back to what she had done. I thought it was time to draw the line and tell her how I felt about her. She may have been an alcoholic, smoker, a little evil so what I didn't care about her weird or bad traits, it's how I truly felt of her that counted and made me feel real.

I haven't been happy my entire life. Severe depression and lonliness since I can remember. When I met her things changed for the better, and I felt something actually real for once. I felt like I mattered in this world. I felt like I had a purpose.

Sunday she told me that she had cut herself, thinking back to what she had done in the past. I told her the truth about what I felt of her. I told her that I wanted to help her, that I was going to help her, I would do anything in my willpower to make her happy. I didn't want her feeling this way. I wanted her to just be happy. her being sad was tearing me up inside. I told her that I truly cared for her, greatly, and she felt the same for me. She was so alone where she was. No family to be with, she thought everyone hated her. I just wanted to comfort her but it didn't seem enough.

She ended the relationship saying she didn't want to see me get hurt. I told her I wouldn't be hurt if she let me help her be happy and get through her situations. i wanted to be there for her in every possible way I could. She said she needed to heal, but she was also talking of bad things. She said she was a bad person, she was useless, not worth anything, that I deserved better. I needed her to understand that none of this was true!

basically, I feel like I am in a nightmare. I can't wake up. I'm stuck. I felt as if it was my reason of life to help her, but I couldn't. I didn't. I failed. All I can feel now is wanting to help her. I didn't want to go back to being a nobody, back to feeling lonely, back to being depressed. it has happened though, and I feel as if I just don't exist anymore. I can't smile any longer, all I feel is pain and darkness. Corroded...

I need help now. I can't heal. I feal dead...



[I edited out a gentle, but potentially offensive curse--serafena]

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 1/7/2010 9:26:03 AM (GMT-7)

It's just so difficult. I feel as if this was my only time to spur. No girl has ever liked me before, but she did, and she made me feel real. I owed her everything just for that. It meant too much. Girls don't go for guys like me. Ever. They are blinded by the sight of the guy that will treat them right. I don't feel as if anyone could care for me again.

This experience has made me realize that the world I'm living in is just pure hell. I need to leave where I am and find myself first before I can continue life. Nothing is ever going to be the same.

I feel like I could have helped her because she wanted me there. I was going to be there. I knew that she was like me and needed someone to keep her happy and take care of her.

That Sunday night as we were talking she began having an anxiety attack. She started crying and couldn't breathe. She didn''t say anything for about 5 minutes and at that point I think I was so scared, I felt destroyed. She came back. I told her I was going to come down there and be with her. She didn't want that though. She was worried something would happen to me along the way. I don't know if she realized how goddarn much I wanted to help her. She said she needed time to heal.

Even if we weren't to be with each other anymore, all I want is to get her help. That's all I want. She had already helped me by caring for me. I needed to return the favor. This isn't something that is going to go away with time.

I still have her accessible to speak to. I can't just do nothing, because there is something I can do. She wants to get better, but doesn't know how, or the right path. That's where I can help her.

hi devourd. at this time she needs professional assistance. she will come to you in time. be there for her when she needs you, i feel that she needs a psychiatric assessment. hospital may be the best thing for her at this time. she is punishing herself, i know this well. i am sorry for you and your friend, as at this time i think that she needs professional care. my compassion to you both. jamie.

if so i feel you need to call an ambulance for her own safety. and or you can advise psychiatric services of her situation and you fears for her safety. do not hesitate. i am around, so keep me posted. she needs help asap. jamie.

1. hey, your path will evail itself in time.
2. depression and lonliness sucks.
3. you are beautiful human being of this earth, and you have shown your lovely heart, take comfort in this, things will turn around for you.
4. maybe some counselling would be good for you.
5. you are a human being of this world with gifts and talents unique to only you, and i can tell you have a very warm heart.
6. remember life is a journey, no ups without downs, no twists without turns. keep on your path, keep being the beautiful person you are. talk with a trusted friend, you have a lot to express, and i feel it would be carthartic to do so. here for you. jamie.
7. never give up hope, okay.
8. my compassion is with you.

slow and steady my friend. things will and do improve in time. take care. jamie.

I do accept myself. Being alone just for the most part seems to make me really really depressed. I do like to do my own things, but I would much rather have someone special in my life. Just the fact of knowing that someone loves me and wants to be with me makes a world of difference in how I range in happiness.

Life is too short to be alone. It should be shared with someone that makes you happy. I just want to move on in life and be in love with someone. That's so much easier said than done though.

Work on you for now, and that someone special will come along before you know it.  It takes time to build a relationship.  Sometimes it doesn't work out, and somethimes it does.  It is all trial and error.  But working on you is the best thing.  Build up self esteem and confidence.  Learn about yourself.  Find out your likes and dislikes.  Work on any things that you don't like about yourself.  Take care of you first.  You have to do that before you can have a successful relationship with somebody else.  I know it isn't easy.  And can take some time, but you grow mentally as you go. 

Keep posting my friend.  Hope that your holiday was a good one.  I worked.  Oh well.

Hugs, Karen

this is not a good path. i have been there. please seek immediate assistance. i am worried for you. jamie.

 

Devoured,

You say that you have been to psychiatrist, but have you been to a psychologist?   You really need counseling right now.  You need cbt I think (cognative behavioral therapy).  You are in a bad place.

I had to edit out a sentence in your other post as we are not alowed to discuss self harm.  I hope that you can understand that.  But knowing that you have done that, worries me.  So please get some help for yourself. 

You shouldn't need another person so badly.  Sure it is nice to have a partner in life, and you will, in time.  But first you have to work on yourself.  We were all born as individual people and we live that way.  That is what makes a relationship work, two individuals coming together.  Otherwise it is not balanced, and one person is doing all the giving and the other all the receiving.  By getting yoursef solid, you can be able to give to the relationship.  You cannot depend on another person to make you whole.  So please get some help before things get out of hand.  You are a good person and worthy of the help that you so desperately need.

Stay with us,

Hugs, Karen

from experience psychologists can effectively help you with things that are causing you distress. they can help you to prioritise, help with behaviour modification, depression and are good outlets for expression. yeah, i hr with a psychologist vs 15 minutes with a shrink to adjust your meds. you have to want to be helped. i understand, as i have said i have been there, for me it has been a long and tedious road-but i am truely getting there. it is a road that  i DO NOT  want you to traverse!!!

 

all the very best, keep reaching out, it dosen't matter who. we are always here for you, please seek help. with compassion, jamie

sadly my friend you may need to. i am afraid that you will worsen, please understand, i have had 20 public admissions and 8 private, the 8 were extremely lengthy-around 3 months each. i have had ECT, stayed in a inpatient program for six months, for people with severe borderline personality disorder, around 8 yrs of private psychiatric care, became homeless for 2 years, kicked out of home, from many past episodes i am lucky to still be here-i think you know what i am saying. i have had many dx's, heaps of sedating meds, family isolation-now this is important. it is about educating them, mental illness is alike any other medical condition, you have not chosen it-but if you isolate and not inform them then the how do they begin to understand.

 

seek out support from your local mental health agency. do not be ashamed, you NEED SUPPORT. even call the free call numbers or psychiatric triage at your local hospital. see your doctor, he/she can help you with information to help your family understand, and or you can ask them to attend so the doc can inform them of your situation and what he or she thinks should be the next step.

 

take care, i wish you well.

jamie.

Hi Devoured,

I agree with the others that therapy and medication can make huge advances against the depression you're feeling. You and this girl clearly care for each other but neither of you are healthy right now, and that doesn't bode well for a long term relationship. If you want to get better, seek out a psychiatrist and a therapist (psychologist) or counselor, and work at it. It's not easy, that's for sure, but you can do it -- and encourage your girlfriend to do the same. It sounds like you are both encouraging the unhealthy in one another, and that isn't good. You won't get better together at this rate -- you'll get worse. Don't do that. For the sake of your relationship, look into getting help.

Karen is right, "they" can't commit you into a hospital unless you are suicidal or homicidal, and even then it requires a judge's permission and you can only be held for 72 hours. Since you are neither, you won't end up hospitalized. Most of the time, hospitalization is voluntary, and can be helpful.

I practiced SI also, for several years. It's not alright. There are things you can do instead of hurting yourself, but therapy is how I got over it for good.

Good luck,
serafena